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Jordan Colbert

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  1. I realize that this is not an ideal situation. I’m only trying to make this work because I believe she is just going through a phase and just needs to be convinced. I don’t want to control her feelings. I just wish I could convince that it will be ok. Giving her time and space means ending all communication with her and losing her forever. Either one of us can shift. She is just putting up walls and trying to justify leaving me. She is just over exaggerating the whole peace of mind thing. She had the same feelings when we started our relationship and it wasn’t a problem for 1 and a half years. Dear @pooch Thank you! You have given me a very realistic picture however I still want to go ahead even if 0.01% chance. It is very discouraging but I don’t want to regret later in my life that I did not take the chance however small it may be. I'll will with with her in a couple of days to spend the summers with her. I hope and pray we can sort things out. I admit there maybe some truth to your post, I am just hopeful that it won't be the case. Thanks.
  2. Dear pooch, She wants to end any possible future between us. She said that even when we end she will still continue to love me. But she cannot be with me because she will not have a peace of mind. She will be always thinking she is doing wrong. I am in my early 20s and I am in no rush to get married however she is in her early 30s and she needs to find someone in her life. Knowing her and how she lives her life I do not believe she is seeing someone else. I may be wrong but I don’t think she could do that. She has admitted to me that she believes no one else can love her the way I do. So I don’t think she believes that there is another guy equal or greater than me. The only problem she has with me is that I am her cousin. Thanks.
  3. Dear LadyC, Thank you very much for reading this and giving me time. I am from Pakistan and her family left Pakistan for USA 20 years ago. She does not consider the biblical aspect of it. She just says it’s morally wrong and also is concerned what others will see. I told her there is nothing morally wrong about it there are a lot of cousins that are married in the world. She says if others are doing wrong that doesn’t mean we should also do wrong. I also told her that when others see that you are happy with me they will be OK with us being together. But she says that I still feel that it is wrong and none of your facts change the way I feel. She says I have a gut feeling that it is wrong and I think I should go with my gut. I think getting a family member involved is a good idea. Thank you for that. I’ll talk to her about it. She did mention once that she fears that her family will disown her. She also mentioned that she was thinking how she will introduce me to her friends as a cousin or as a significant other. And when they know that I am her cousin they will be disgusted with her. I told her that once your friends know that you are happy in this relationship they will be happy for you and won’t think bad of you. She says that our relationship has become toxic and she is tired of having to fight with all these negative thoughts and wants to end our relationship. She says if she lives her life with me she will always be thinking of this as wrong and will not be able to live a happy life that she will be a lifeless person. She says she still loves me and will always love me but being with me she cannot have a peace of mind because she says that she cannot put aside these negative feelings and she thinks that they will consume her and destroy her mental state if she pursues a life with me. I think I just need to find a way to make her feel differently about this. I think that the best way to do that is to show her my love for her and to love her more and more. However she already loves me and she knows that I love her beyond bounds so maybe I need to try something else to change her feelings. Thanks.
  4. No, none of our family members know about this. However, I think they do suspect what’s going on. But they don’t want to say anything. Cuz if they say it, it will be a huge mess. Just one closest friend of each one of us knows. Yes it is terrible, specially after seeing wonderful days.
  5. Yes we do. We talk everyday. Another factor that must be mentioned is that we do not live in the same country. We visit each other during vacations.
  6. We are both adults. Yes she is older to me. But we have discussed that fact and age is not a matter for us. I just want to find a way to convince her that cousins getting married is not something wrong. I fear that if I direct her to this website she will not even open the link. I think it might even make things worse (I may be wrong). Thanks
  7. Our story started roughly 2 years ago when my cousin confessed she had feelings for me. At the time she said this is wrong and we should not be doing this. But we continued developing our relationship anyway. We planned of our lives together after marriage, babies, places to visit, things to do and so on. We lived a happy life. Now after two years of constant back and forth of; this is wrong we should not be doing it and it’s ok let’s go ahead with it, she wants to end the relationship but isn’t doing it, just putting a halt to the boyfriend/girlfriend aspect and just wants to be friends. She says, “I should have been the adult in the room. I don’t want to continue doing wrong.” She feels that when we inform our family about our intentions we will end up creating a huge and permanent split in our family. We will be the reason for our family to break apart. People will hate us. Previously at the beginning of our relationship she had said that she doesn’t care about what other people think of her. When I brought this up she said well I do care now. I tried convincing her that I’ll deal with all the heat from the family, you can even say he is the one pushing for it I’m not that interested. I’ll be able to make the family come to terms with us. But she still says even if you convince the family I know it’s wrong and my mind will not be at ease. She says even if we get married I won’t be able to live a happy life because I’ll be disturbed about the fact that we are cousins and we shouldn’t be married. Also whenever she sees other cousins they remind her that we are doing wrong. She feels bad when she sees them. Sometimes she says that I look like her brother and that makes it difficult for her. The thing I don’t understand is that these are issues that were there during the first year of our relationship, why are they becoming unbearable now. She was able to put these thoughts aside then. Why can’t she now? I asked her do you want to end our relationship? Her reply was, “Yes, sometimes I want to end it. But sometimes I don’t. I don’t know.” I said why don’t you end it then. She said, “You’ve done nothing but loved me. And that’s why it’s difficult for me to end it. I’m thinking about our relationship in a realistic way and you think in a hopeful way. There is no way our family will allow us to be together.” I feel that if I can convince her that we are not doing anything wrong. We love each other and there’s nothing wrong about it, she might change her mind. The thing is I’ve tried everything I could to do that. But she doesn’t accept it. I’ve given her examples of cousin marriages happening for so many decades. Her response is that if people have been doing wrong that doesn’t mean we continue doing wrong. You may think she does not love me anymore and is trying to find excuses to end our relationship. That’s not how it is. She is a tough independent woman. She does not let other people’s opinions play any role in her decision making. She thinks for herself and sticks to her decisions however painful they may be. I know her very well. She still loves me. Just not enough to marry me.