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ragingdesire61

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About ragingdesire61

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  1. ragingdesire61

    A bit of an update...

    Thanks 😁 She is a fine, good woman,and we want to walk together. The only real potential pitfall is the rest of the family. In this, she has more at stake perhaps than I do. I have no living immediate family, my parents and siblings having all passed, where ALL of my living family are her immediate family. But ultimately, we wish to live our lives in the way that is right and good for us, and we know we have no control over what others think or say. I hope though, that we can have their blessing. We will see.
  2. ragingdesire61

    A bit of an update...

    I recently went upfront with my first cousin about the feelings I've carried for her for many, many years. A brief state of stunned silence, followed by her acknowledging that she, too, feels the same way towards me, and has for a very long time. She was rather freaked out about the idea of us being cousins, that somehow that made our attraction wrong, so I backed off to give her breathing room to arrive at her own conclusions without pressure from me. After a couple of weeks, she invited me over to spend some time. I just returned from spending a couple of days at her place (she currently lives 150 miles from me), and we were able to talk to each other sincerely from the heart face to face. We both agree that we are going to take things slow, without expectation of a particular outcome, and be open to whatever develops. We haven't been sexual with each other, yet, although that attraction is very strong between us, we sense something very special here, and neither of us want to screw things up by being hasty. It's unlike any relationship I've ever entered, someone I know so very well for virtually my whole life, yet still a mystery in many ways. I feel like an incredibly fortunate man. I've really appreciated the posts I've read here, hearing the experiences of you folks has given me valuable information to help me make informed decisions, as well as educating me that this relationship isn't wrong, or weird, or unnatural.
  3. ragingdesire61

    403 Forbidden error

    That did the trick, thanks.
  4. ragingdesire61

    What do you guys do to have fun

    I love to fish and bow hunt. I make all my own archery tackle, and even hunt with stone points where legal. I don't drink either, having quit nearly 30 years ago in my mid 20's, but I still find fishing to be a great source of pleasure. Most of the fishing I do is either ocean fishing or winter steelhead fishing, and neither are good places to be wandering, or boating around drunk. You could end up dead pretty quick :) I would not call it "fun", and certainly not recreation, but the greatest source of peace and joy in my life is my spiritual life and practices. I am a traditionalist native, and practice the old ways of my people. Sweat lodge, the sacred pipe, and our Sundance. Although I am not a Native American Church member, I will attend at times when a friend or relative asks me to come for support.
  5. ragingdesire61

    Spilled the beans

    My mother recently passed, and my cousin was also quite close to her. I wouldn't call our recent activity a reconnection, as we have always been close and communicated regularly and saw each other at least several times a year for most of our lives. The recent round of conversations began with our shared grief, but soon they were far more than that, conversations about very deep, personal aspects of ourselves. The sorts of things that are rarely shared and only with the most intimate of people.
  6. ragingdesire61

    Spilled the beans

    This is the letter that I wrote to her. I know, it is very revealing on a personal level, but this is a place with people who I think would understand. Edited to protect privacy
  7. ragingdesire61

    Spilled the beans

    Update: My cousin called me back yesterday evening after reading the letter I wrote her. She said she was moved and touched by my words, and that she could not think of a better partner to walk with. It's the "cousin" thing that has her freaked out, mostly, IMO, out of ignorance of the legality of such a union (in our state anyways) and the long, ancient as well as modern historical normalcy of such matches. She is a very smart woman, and I have no doubt that she will start to do her own research and seek to become better informed. I need to step back, and not bombard her with links and information, or appeals to the love that we have for one another, and let her come to her own conclusion, whatever that may be. It is out of my hands, and for Creator to deal with.
  8. ragingdesire61

    403 Forbidden error

    I am attempting to reply to my own thread on the help/advice forum, and when I hit submit, I get a 403 Forbidden error page. Can someone help?
  9. ragingdesire61

    Spilled the beans

    Recently, for about a month. We have been close since childhood, and in pretty close contact for most of our lives.
  10. ragingdesire61

    Spilled the beans

    I have been speaking on the phone with my (first) cousin every evening, for an hour or two at a time. Some of our conversations have gone pretty deep, and last night it just felt, for me, that it was time to be open and honest about what it is I am feeling. I said to her, that for as long as I could remember, I wished that she wasn't my cousin. A moment of stunned silence. And then, she said "yes, I've known that for a long time, I know that feeling is there between us, but we are....cousins!" I honestly don't know how it was received, although she said that she was honored that I feel comfortable enough to tell her openly. This morning I wrote her an email, as I often find it easier to express myself more fully and clearly in writing. I hope I have not damaged our relationship. But I owed it to her, and to myself to be truthful about what it is I am feeling.
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