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Everything posted by ReachIntoTheVoid

  1. I got a PM from Trevor but I ignored it. If I don't want to tell the family about my relationship, why the hell would I tell a documentary producer? So he can blast it on national TV and make me out to be an illiterate hick? I've seen what the media does to cousin couples and I want no part of it
  2. We talked a lot (hours at a time) and he had opened up to me about some personal issues he had struggled with. I had done the same. I definitely felt that he had feelings too but regardless, it was still a risk.
  3. From what you say, it sounds like he does. Keep in mind that there is risk with anything like this. No one has a magic ball, ok? I told my cousin I cared for him because I was faced with a choice: tell him and face the positive or negative consequences or not say anything and then spend the rest of my life wondering "what could have been". Which is worse? You must decide. For me, I felt rejection sucked but I would rather take then then spend years wondering about the path I didn't take.
  4. Yes, we are in a relationship now. I told him "Listen I need to tell you something, I have feelings for you." He seemed delighted but surprised and scared. We are first cousins (blood) and I told him "I don't care that we are related. It doesn't change how I feel. I know we are compatible and we can make this work." We remain together now. I love him so much and he loves me.
  5. I did with mine. It's so hard but it's worth it when you know in your heart that you have to.
  6. Honestly, that given by the fact that you two go out together, have plans to move in together... It does sound like you two are kind of like a couple. Ask him! I would just come out with it and say "hey, remember that comment about me being a significant other to you? I think we'd actually make a cute couple, what do you think?"
  7. Mitchell, It's time to banish the "what ifs". You had told her your feelings then and she didn't seem to return them (and she told the family as well). In a sense, you already had "your shot", it's not like she was unaware of your feelings. As for whether or not you could have stopped her from making bad life choices, who knows. Maybe you could have but I'm thinking likely not. I don't know why she ended up doing the things that she did but I'm getting the feeling that there is a lot you may not know about her. She could have had life events that led her down a different path and that there is/was really nothing you could do to stop that. Also, allow me to be blunt: You're an educated, fit man making good money in an industry after obtaining a college degree. She smokes, drinks, swears a lot, and is stuck in a dead-end job and all of these qualities are unattractive to you. I'm not sure what makes you think you two would be well-matched. You seem to talk a lot about her beauty and being attracted to her based on that but that alone doesn't make for a good relationship, especially when you two seem to be on different paths now. I would ask yourself why exactly you're holding onto this idea of her after 10+ years despite her not returning your feelings, family getting in the way, and other major life differences. Does the taboo of the situation turn you on or something? As you stated, you're 9/10 and aging remarkably for your age. You can do better than this.
  8. I saw the episode. It's kind of disheartening to see that cousin love between consenting adults is on the same level of "weird" as clown sex and whatnot. I couldn't watch the whole episode. I ended up turning it off. It's just another reminder of why my cousin and I have to keep our relationship secret.
  9. There are several cousin couples in the Bible and Leviticus only bans relationships between "close family members". Apparently cousins aren't included. I haven't heard of any ban on cousin couples in any religion... Seems mostly to be societal.
  10. I'd state the facts...being 3rd cousins, you share less than 1% of your DNA. Check this out: https://customercare.23andme.com/hc/en-us/articles/212170668-Average-percent-DNA-shared-between-relatives Your family is being mean but they are doing it because they know it bothers you. You need to face them head on, tell them what I mentioned above, and tell them to build a bridge so they can get the f__k over it and stop being childish.
  11. TX is one the states with strict laws on cousin relationships. You cannot marry, have sex, or cohabit. You cannot marry in another state. Given that child custody is on the line and cousin sex is considered felony incest in the state, you may need to consider keeping your relationship under wraps. In other states that outlaw marriage, you could still cohabit and it would be fine, not illegal to cohabit and just not marry. However TX considers that incest so yes, if word gets out, someone could use that against you to get custody of your kids.
  12. I am atheist and so is my cousin and I can confirm, I think more religious people (especially Jews and Muslims) are accepting. Atheists and other secular types are not. Incest is seen as primitive and "just wrong". For me personally, I don't believe in regulating what 2 adult people do in the bedroom and with each other. Yes, the risk of disability in offspring is higher and should be considered. If genetic testing were considered/required in all states, I'd be okay with it as long as the state ponied up for it. Personally I will never procreate with my cousin but that's my choice. But lots of people choose to have kids with other risky conditions, like older age, essential medications, bad family history. Will we ban those too?
  13. If neither of you want children, then why not have him go get a vasectomy or you can go and get a tubal ligation? This would fulfill the sterile requirement and you wouldn't have to wait until you're 55.
  14. I say reach out to him and see what happens. It may work out, maybe not, but you need to let yourself explore this and if it doesn't work out, THEN you can finally move on. If it does, then you can either deal with the famoly fallout or keep it secret. My 1st cousin and I are in a relationship together and our family doesn't know. I don't care and nor does he. It's not any of their business.
  15. I have a relationship with my cousin and I am so happy with him. If it's wrong, I don't want to be right.
  16. I'm just asking cause in my family, our folks would freak and maybe disown us so we decided if we were going to cross this line, we wanted to go all the way and be committed to each other. But if you just want sex and you're committed to covering your tracks afterward, then I guess you don't need to worry about the what ifs for people finding out. Can you go somewhere semi cheap? Even just a coffee date. Can you invite back where you live?
  17. He may not come forward with his feelings due to the incest taboo as well as the age difference. There's just a lot to overcome there and it's scary. Do you two live close by? Why not ask him out on an outing? Make it happen. Off topic, but you said you're not looking for a romantic relationship, right?
  18. My cousin and I have a similar age difference to you and your cousin and we are a committed couple now. He sounds interested but when do you see him next in person? Seems like you could possibly tempt him if you propositioned him in person under the right circumstances.
  19. I am worried that I will somehow destroy my relationship with my parents. That they may look at me with disgust and may never get over it. You're right, the secrecy may get old, or maybe they will figure things out eventually. I'm not really sure what to do but I think for now I want to keep it secret and I know my cousin wants to as well.
  20. Serendipity, You're right, it's a lot to consider. I doubt my family would take it well. Not because they don't care, more just because of the stigma ("ick" factor) and some other family stuff I don't feel like going into but I can promise you, it's serious. I definitely worry about souring my family relationships. Friends not so much, it's family I worry about. Ambra, Of course I have doubt, and that's why I posted. I worry that somehow we will be found out. Not sure how, but somehow. Or maybe one day, they just stop buying our story. That's my doubt and my fear. We both have a fair bit to lose but I love him so much. Our love is unlike anything I've experienced before. I've never connected with someone so well. He is worth it and I am worth it to him in return. We are both fairly private people, yes. I don't really talk about my love life with friends or even family.
  21. It is true that there are a number of people that you can have a good relationship with. I'm fortunate that I never married and nor did my cousin so we can be together. We are 1st cosuins and living in US (it's legal in my state) but we are in secret due to concern over family blowup. I think it's true that if you fall in love with someone, cousin or not, and you are married, you need to cut contact and move on. All contact.
  22. ReachIntoTheVoid


    It sounds like a BS reason to me because you've been together 2 years and she didn't have an issues before. My feeling is that there is another reason she wants to break it off but she's pinning it on the cousin issue.
  23. I met my cousin as an adult and we are together now. We are not married and have no kids so it's not complicated. It sounds like you were married when you fell in love with your cousin, right? I see that as the issue here because that's infidelity.
  24. I've had relationships that lasted years and I originally met the guy on a dating site. The reason why I prefer to meet online rather than a bar is because it's easier to filter out people online. For example, I don't want to be a step mom so I don't dare guys with young kids. During online dating you can find our right away from a profile if they work, I'd they have kids, what their interests are, deal breakers, if they smoke, etc. Finding out takes mere seconds and then you can decide to message them or just move on. I only messaged for a short time (a day, if that) and then met up the guy for coffee to see if there was chemistry. Much prefer filtering out guys before meeting up. I've never met someone at a bar. I'd hate to waste an hr talking to someone to find out delabreakers that I could have found out in 5 seconds from reading an online dating profile.
  25. Wow, I don't get the hate for dating sites. I used them in the past to meet several men that I had long term relationships with. I'd much rather meet a man through a dating site than randomly at a bar or something.
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