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AlisonK

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About AlisonK

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  1. I met a somewhat distant cousin as an adult and we felt an attraction. He wanted something non committed and I didn’t. We kissed once and then decided we shouldn’t do anymore. He’s kept in touch over time (a couple of years) but it always confuses me because I know he’s also attracted to me. He can fool himself into thinking he’s just my “friend” but if he doesn’t want more then it’s kind of cruel to keep in touch. Wouldn’t you think? I’d be more understanding if he didn’t try to be intimate without a commitment but he knows I like him and would like more if we were to get physical. I know he’d like to be physical if I didn’t want more. He’s a likable person so it’s hard to stay mad at him in general. I don’t like demonizing because it doesn’t help me feel any peace. I just find myself thinking about him a lot and sometimes find myself trying to understand the ability to like someone (I’d say even have feelings for them) but still act like it’s naive to think more is possible despite being cousins. Being lovers is a concept as old as time but I just find myself grappling to understand it when you’re both single and the only thing in the way is a title that really has no practical meaning between you. We are not lovers by the way. We would be though if I would have let it happen.
  2. This is Shoes12. @Serendipity you’re right. I do/did want to vent. The problem is it’s not as easy as just stopping communication. It is sometimes. I mean we don’t communicate every day like we did a couple of years ago but the dynamics of being family members (albeit distant ones) means we won’t be be leaving each other’s lives anytime soon. We may go years without talking but I suspect we’ll always feel sparks. I was frustrated in previous messages trying to communicate that because I came to a cousin couple’s site for a reason. It’s not a typical scenario with the usual dynamics. It’s easy to walk away when you’re not family! The way in which I met him a couple of years ago means I will only continue to be in his life and him in mine, at least peripherally. I am developing relationships with other family members we share so it’s not a case of just exiting each other’s lives. We will hear each other’s names come up on a semi regular basis. When he reaches out it feels like he likes me. I already know he does but the fact he’s still doing it after all this time is flattering. Last time he reached out it was to ask a sweet question about some family research I’m doing. It’s been a few months since we talked but I will be seeing him at a family get together soon. @Ambra_FlowsI don’t communicate with him. I will respond to his questions though and chat with him for a bit at least if he reaches out. I don’t engage unless the conversation requires it (he asks a question for instance). He’s not an ex boyfriend. We do have an attraction but we are also family members about the same age who just met for the first time a few years ago.
  3. So what are you hesitant about? You like her and want to find out if she likes you? I don’t think your experience with relationships will play a role in any of this. Just get to know her. Be friends. You can definitely do stuff together and since you’re cousins that allows for less pressure than other types of situations. You’ll figure out soon enough if your feelings are reciprocated. Just go off her and be aware — make sure you’re not trying to force anything.
  4. You need to find out exactly the relation of your father and her grandfather. There’s no “between” first and second cousins. Lol. They are either first cousins, first cousins once removed, or second cousins. All that obviously matters because then it allows us to determine what you are to her. The removed part is if there is a generational difference. For instance, my dad’s first cousin is my first cousin once removed. The son or daughter of my dad’s first cousin is my second cousin. Also, how old are you two?
  5. AlisonK

    Two issues

    Sounds like you’re approaching it maturely. That’s all you can do.
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