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About SilentE

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  1. Ugh I’m sorry about how selfish that post sounded. I’m just enthusiastically supporting cousin relationships this morning and your story was especially personally interesting to me. I am so sorry to not have any advice about your situation. I wouldn’t even know where to begin compared to mine, cause I would be trying to marry a male (as F) from a culture that looks down on blood relatives. With your use of ‘we’ in your op, referring to doing research, it sounds like you cohabitate or at least get enough private time to have gratitude for rejoice together that you are facing the same hurdle, right? Enjoy your time together
  2. Love to you two. My best gf from Catholic k-12 girls school is transitioning to Male. i have no advice. Just that we bicker about which one of us is ‘weirder’, all in good humour. (He being one of the people I confided in about my feelings about my first male cousin, me F, and +2y to my cousin) as a new member to this forum I’ll just say good luck. I’d love to have an ear about how to ask FtM questions I have. So far I’ve just asked directly but I’d like to understand lingo and protocol better and don’t know how to extend a hi feel free to pm me kinda sentiment. It’s not exactly cousin related tho so I’ll shut it
  3. I’ll also add that I don’t like that you are coming into this situation from relationships that you wanted “so desperately” to work. Its very important to ‘let’ men put a lot of effort into a serious/LtR, cousin or not. I am not calling you desperate the way you called yourself inadvertently...rather, consider that you are depriving them of all of those problem solving strategy thingies they like so much. Men are awesome and can sometimes come up with just as good solutions or overcome challenges like we can. Esp in this day and age I think they really need to have that gold star ,and we get our own for patience not interrupting
  4. I’m in the same boat age and gender wise with my first cousin, and even tho I can imagine us together I fully back off... (I’ve been involved w another man for 10y now engaged) I want to be more of a ‘big cousin’ in his life forever than a romantic option because of his culture and obv my own commitments. i came to seek my own advice cause I sporadically touch or manhandle him in a very g rated way that already makes me feel guilty ? in front of his mum who I’m most scared of. Carryover from childhood... If he’s weirded out by elevating the relationship I would suggest getting on the big girl boots and just being a good close friend and potentially befriending any girl he really brings home to the family I’ve always found that female camaraderie heals ALL, in case things don’t work out there isn’t a girl on the planet you can’t be friends with. Sorry for the double negative good luck! Always let guys go ‘hunt’ when they get to this point. Sometimes they come back within a week, sometimes within a lifetime
  5. You are pregnant. Feel free to be as scared AF as any other woman on the planet. Here are my steps in terms of a gentle self shake: 1. You are a Mother. Even if it’s just a line on a stick from a drugstore, you have the potential to be a Mother 2. Your cousin/ the father sounds useless at the moment. He might just be panicking. He might be using the cousin thing to panic. He is kind of useless until he can talk sense (no offense to men but sometimes y’all have a lot more to say than you really will) 3. You are The mother and in the most control of this. By all means submit ‘other opinions’ into the ‘consideration file’, if you must. But I would separate the mother /child relationship between you and the child first, beyond all else 4. Come back and share with this forum about particular cousiny concerns you may have but you’re also facing something that can happen in any boy/girl relationship. 5. Ask the dad for his opinion of course before acting either way, but it’s up to you. Leave your ‘best friend’ out of it as he or she sounds uninformed in terms of cousin stuff. You could always confide in your mum but don’t let her swing your choice in the end (brought to you by someone with a nasty relationship with a domineering mother who only had the stones to tell her an abortion tale 5y after the fact) 30s abortions are not at all uncommon. Just make sure you make the right choice for you in the long run. I am new to this forum so will just say in full I’m not pushing you either way. Except more to say yes to YOUR life options than no. I made a choice in my 20s that I may not now around the same age as you I’m pushing you to look into your heart without the cousin offspring scaries clouding that. I see from checking back to your op that you plan to keep the child but I’m here just in case anything I say gives you peace
  6. This won’t have much substance other than to thank the regular posters and mods for making me feel at home with your intelligence, ultra grammerz, and thoughtfulness that I see throughout each post I have read. Im a girl with a lifelong puppy crush on a 2y younger male cousin. It has recently turned into something that occupies my mind more frequently, as we have increased personal contact over the summer due to a few family nights out. (500 mile geographical issue in the USA, been home frequently for my mother’s recent health probs ) We are both in our 30s and I am engaged to someone else. I am not looking to pursue anything romantic, have no idea if it’s even reciprocated. I am facing family pressure in the sense that his mother encourages time spent together. I worry that she misunderstands the intention(s) behind the positive effect we have on one another, simply because her culture is ?? and I don’t want to let her down if she is caught off guard that this might have developed. My cousin and I were both raised on the east coast. He’s my only first male cousin and I went to all girls school which might have fueled the crush long ago. I don’t necessarily feel weird that I think of him in this way. I can be prone to girlish crushes but never act on them. However! Since our family likes the results of spending time together, I am nervous. I have full self discipline but feel deeply protective of my crush cousin, and have admitted to myself reading this forum that I would welcome his <hypothetically> less than cousinly advances should I have been single upon this more adult view of our dynamic. How can I be the best role model type cousin without hurting him or sending creepy (maybe to him?) signals? I have a very boyish career trajectory and we both have checkered personal pasts (addictions, anorexia, etc) and I have been surprised to feel like I may be more centered and able to be some sort of role model for once in my life, even though he’s doing well enough for himself rn. I don’t want to let down my aunt who is catholic and Philippine (dad’s are brothers, that’s the extent of my immediate family) I don’t want to let him down as a cousin because I want him to feel valued for more than a love interest. ***however*** i spent a lot of time as a stripper in my early twenties so I feel I can sometimes inject too much of my own sexuality with males I care enough about to encourage. In my own mind or in dark humor moments. While this has never failed me I want to protect my cousin from any of that kind of exposure because I’d like him to pursue a woman more wholesome than I am (he has never brought a woman around the family for holidays which is customary with our little clan, he’s the only boy tho) You guys are all awesome, even the weirdos among us who make weird OP’s ?. I wanted to say that first and foremost. I’ve never seen a message board with more depth of thought per paragraph than here. Cheers and love to you all ? and I shall resume lurking in ~2018 threads, as admitting this whole subject is new and interesting to me. silent E
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