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About SeattleSeven

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  1. It looks like you are well on the way on the road to recovery. As time goes on, her spell over you will wane and you'll begin to think clearly again. You sound like a good person Leathat, one day you will find someone who appreciates and reciprocates those qualities. You need to learn to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to love you. Coming off as obsessive, co-dependent, clingy etc. are not attractive traits, especially to a woman. Once you are able to live with yourself, your fear of being alone will disappear along with these negative traits. These scars will fade, but they never really go away. Although I'm not near as angry and cynical as I used to be, it's still there. Something about these 'relationships' permanently changes you... you deal with such extreme emotional pain, that as a last act of self preservation your mind builds these barriers. You no longer feel sadness, or happiness, or anger.. your're just... numb. You're guard will always be up from now on... once bit, twice shy. This is the final emotion in the healing process, when the dust settles all you'll feel towards her is pity. Her life is a train wreck, you just happened to be riding along...be glad you jumped off before she took you with her. You can't stop it, you can only observe as her life slowly deteriorates. People like that do not build you up, they take you down with them and anyone else along for the ride. You can't change the past, but you can learn from it and change your future. Take this as a hard lesson learned. Use this traumatic experience as a catalyst for change..for the better.
  2. Leathat, What I'm going to tell you is not what you want to hear but what you need to hear because nobody told me what I needed to hear when I was in your situation. First, you need to cut off all contact with your cousin immediately. Second, you need to realize that your cousin never loved you and never will. She has been using you as an emotional dumpster, a shoulder to cry on while she's hopping around between different men. Ask yourself; you have always been there for her, but has she always been there for you? You would do anything for her at the drop of a hat, but would she do the same? No, because shes a selfish narcissist. Cut her out of your life immediately. Realize you are a man, you have value as a human being and that value is not contingent on the approval of anyone else. Hit the gym, join a marshal arts group, start eating healthy, take a trip to clear your mind. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated by her or anyone one else, do what's best for YOU. The road ahead of you is a long and difficult one, but I promise if you focus on improving yourself it will get better. You'll go from being a weak shell of a man to being chiseled out of wood. Good luck brother.
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