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I know this is a long one just bare with me and please try to help I'm 21 yr old male and my cousin she's 19 yrs old (my mothers younger sister's daughter), my feelings towards her started when i was in university, she used to hang out in my house most of the time and we usually talk about random things back then, recently some time ago things started to get a little bit physical you know showing cleavage(most of the time), she touches me in playful ways,and if i touch her "accidentally" by her chest or butt she never says anything and behaves like nothing had happened (for example: once we all the cousins had a outing to celebrate one of them getting married after that the party was over and it was getting late most of the rids we came in already left there was only one car after we crammed inside there was no space left for her in the car and one of my cousins(female ,who knows something is going on between us) told her to sit on my lap, she refused at first after a minute or two she came in and sat on my lap half of her butt was on my stomach like she had no room to fit (but it was a decently spaced car with more room to spare) and she told not to touch her anywhere or laugh on the way, I wanted to tease her and laughed for a minute and she did not take it seriously and told me to stop , I wanted to annoy her more and placed my hand on her thigh she did not say anything i grabbed it tightly but no reaction she was quite and she started to move my hand because she thought someone might see and after that my place came I got out of the car and she gave me a look like it was not angry nor happy(hard to tell), this all happened on Christmas holidays and next day she talked to like nothing had happened and after that we did not get a chance to meet because of our work, 2 months ago i contacted her and we decided to meet in her house after i went there her mother was also there we talked and had lunch together after that her mother went to sleep, we both decided to watch a movie and i sat close to her she did not say anything as usual after a while we decided to talk about relationships, and after some time i decided to leave and i asked for a hug i don't know what came over me and i told that i love her she did not say anything as if she didn't hear it at all and before going i slapped her in the butt (just for a tease and to make her react) she told me that" we should be doing this you should not touch me", i replied that "we used to touch all the time" after a moment of silence she told "that was when we were younger but not now", i said okay fine and casually changed the topic that she can sometimes hangout in my house she said okay and will come after 10 days or so because she had some work and i left after that and later that evening i called her and casually asked what she was doing she told that she was hanging out with her friends and she will meet up later, BUT after that(4 days time ) she blocked me on all social media that we are connected to, i thought i did something bad and decided not to call or bother her and give her space to think, during this two long months i wanted to see her and talk to her but i decided to wait and 10 or 15 days ago i randomly downloaded a social media app and she was in it but i decided not to talk and 2 days ago i found out that she also blocked me on that app too. i seriously don't know that to do and how to approach her again things are playing in my mind like what if she tells both our parents and relatives what had happened what if she hates me and is not going to talk to me again my birthday is coming up and i invited all my cousins but don't know how to talk to her and make her come to the event so i can have a proper conversation with her can some one give advice on what to do? please i really love her..
on my previous topic i told what had happened between me any my cousin on short I'm 21 yr old male shes 19 yr old (my mothers younger sister's daughter) we had a spark between us for many years, we will always use physical contact to test our boundaries you know the usual accidental boob touch and butt squeeze/slapping , 2 months ago i visited her and we talked to a bit before leaving i asked for a hug and she hugged me the words "I love you" slipped out of my mouth there was a awkward silence for a moment, i panicked and wanted to do something to end the silence and suddenly slapped her butt(both sides), she told me not to touch her and i replied that if she didn't like it, she didn't answer that and again i asked that we used to touch each other all the time, she replied "that was when we were younger" (we used to do this kind of stuff on a monthly basis don't know what she meant by that) after that I wanted to change the topic and asked her to come to my house anytime she wanted,she replied "after 10 days i will because of work", after that on the same day i called her to see if she is still annoyed with me she talked normally, 4 days after that i found out she had blocked me on all social media, i thought she wanted time to process the things that happened and i gave her some space and time to time without wanting to disturbing her (its been 2 months since this happened),10 days ago i downloaded a random chat app and found she was in it, but i didn't want to disturb or annoy her further so i kept quite,4 days ago i found out that she also blocked me on that app too. what if she never wants to talk to me again? or she told her parents about what had happened? i really love her and I am sure that she has feelings for me as well.....I don't know what happened this time I really want to get back to her ,things between us are on and off most of the time but she always gets back but this time its taking too long I'm worried she might never want to be with me again additional information one of my older cousin (female) married her cousin (her father's older sister's son) if was months ago (our family circle accepts marriage's like this) that was the time when things started getting more serious between me and her but there is a problem our family circle accepts cross cousin relationships but sadly parallel cousin relationships are a taboo we never really talked about our relationship or marriage we only used to do some physical contact stuff to each other (a lot!), i think i scared her off by telling that i love her or it could be the butt slapping thing i really don't know i haven't tried calling her out of fear I'm arranging a get together with all the cousins and i really want her to come so i can talk with her (don't know how to invite her need any advice or help with on the invite plan) I'm hoping that being with all the other cousins will ease her and make her more comfortable to talk with me this is my plan so far (feel free to tell me if there is anything wrong with this idea or how to execute this plan) i really need all the help i can get, I don't want to lose her i know most of you guys went through some kindof problems with your cousins before having a relationship with them so you know or kindof relate to what I'm going through right now please please try to help