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Where do i begin we have always had a thing for eachother just never addressed it to eachother until about 3 months ago. But, shortly after knowing how we both feel about eachother she kicked me out and i havent heard from her since ?.??!!! What does this even mean ?, im so confused, somebody please help me understand. Feel free to ask me questions i will answer
Hello , I'm here of course because i have feelings for my cousin. I'm a 24yr old female and he is 26 yrs old , we are close though not as close as i'd like us to be. He is my grandma's sister's son by the way. I have had feelings for him off and on for years , and have had to deal with him having girlfriends and sex friends. He is currently single but had sex with some sex friend in february, and i'm always single. I haven't confessed my feelings to him because i feel there's no point , i know that if i confessed my feelings to him he would reject me. And i don't want to drive him away and make things weird and awkward between us. So i've sort of made up my mind that i should just give up on him and move on , and am now going through the stages of recovering from rejection. I've been seriously depressed since last month and i've been crying a lot. Before i was 95% sure he wasn't into me , now i'm 100% sure he isn't into me. Even if he doesnt find me to pretty/attractive i'm sure he sees me like a sister or like we are too closely related for something to be possible , there are many excuses your cousin could use for not being into you. Anyway i've decided to put distance between us while i'm recovering and won't make any effort to contact him or hangout for the next few months. I decided not to contact him also because every time Its me doing it. If he wants to then this time he has to come forward , though i have no expectations he'd do so anyway. I don't think i can see him now without being depressed or crying. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep at night because of him and it seems like we were never meant to be and he's not worth me being into. Of course my feelings for him are more than just physical and there's more to him that i like but he seems to be a lost cause. I don't know if i believe him to be my soulmate but i think in my next lifetime things might be more likely to work out if we met. I'm tired of being obsessed with him and possessive , also i often get jealous of his friends for taking away his time to hangout with me. I often have dreams about him , and i touch myself sometimes when i do. I want to touch him almost everytime i see him and resisting my urges is unbearable , i have fallen asleep on his bed many times when i've been tired/sleepy and find his smell comforting but also a turn on. Also he is mostly into white girls and i'm black... By the way , we are both not in school and we don't have jobs , and he drives but i don't and am in the middle of getting a license. He still lives with his parents and i live with my grandma and her other sister. He's a atheist and i'm a pagan , but we were raised in a christian family unfortunately so even if things did work out we would have to be very sneaky and secretive so the rest of the family wouldn't find out about us until we had money to get our own place. In a good month usually we would be able to hangout at his house and me and him would talk , maybe watch stuff or play videos games together in his room. We spend some holidays together , like halloween , thanksgiving sometimes and Xmas . We even spend our birthdays together since our birthdays are only a few days apart and since mine comes before his i usually get to do whatever i want when we hang out on my birthday. We have had sleepovers before as well , but not often and i usually have to go sleep in his mom's room . It's not like i just met him a few years ago either , we have known each other since we were kids and used to play together and i have seen him many times at family reunions , back then i didn't have feelings for him of course . It was only after i moved to where he lives that i got closer to him and got to know him well. I feel like we really understand each other but i want to understand him more and for him to understand me more but he won't open up more to me. I feel like i can talk to him about almost anything and i've never had feelings for any other person like what i have for him , he is the only family member i actually see as family as well but i want to be more than family. I think even if he was my older brother i would still have feelings for him , sometimes i even see him as a older brother. We are both scorpios , and i would have done things with him that i wouldn't even do with most guys but it seems he missed his chance now. The moves i have made have been many things , like posing a certain way on his bed and showing him my butt when i bent down to grab something . Wearing shirts that show my cleavage and hugging with and without a bra on and my boobs would often be on him when we hug and etc. Asking him about kissing and sexual things sometimes , like at the boardwalk i let him have the cherry from my virgin pina colada at the bar and i asked him about if he could do the cherry thing with his tongue. Us being at that bar at the boardwalk was the most confusing thing to happen recently. And this was after we had eaten pizza and we were making a lot of eye contact , though i'm sure he didn't catch on to what my eye contact meant. Anyway, at the bar i might have been imagining it but i think he was looking at my mouth . I don't know if i had something on my mouth or in my teeth but i was hoping he wanted to kiss me.He also walked in on me in the bathroom once which i am still confused about. I've made many signs and signals that i was into him and he has been dense/oblivious and without a clue for years , or he knew and is choosing to ignore it. He would rather be into prettier women than be with me. When i revealed i had a incest fetish to him months ago he told me he had a cousin crush on some cousin i don't even know and he said she was very pretty. Last month , we went to the boardwalk together and when i asked him if he would hold my hand he pushed me away. He even told the guy at the stuffed animal game stand that we were cousins. And when i emailed him recently about how i wanted to be closer to him , he pushed me away again by saying he doesn't want to burden ppl by telling them his business. When i revealed i had a incest fetish to him he said , "that's pretty neat, and quite common as well. I mean.. What do folks expect when you see family first compared to making friends as kids. Not like they talk to you about that stuff till you're older either. I don't think you're really an adult unless you've had one experience like a cousin crush or experimentation at some point in your life. " And then he said , "On a side note, I've had cousin crushes too. Though it helps that the cousin I had a crush on isn't technically even related to me. Either way they're definitely super common. It just comes down to exposure really." When i asked which cousin he said , "And to answer your question, my cousin kanasia. She's very pretty. " He usually doesn't contact me and it always looks like I am the only one who is making things happen and is thinking too much about him lately. But, I'm not going to initiate contact with him anymore, if he is thinking of me then this time I expect him to come make a move. Though i doubt he would miss me or he'd even feel bad. I don't know if he is ever happy to see me or if he ever misses me. Seems like he is not even interested because if he was he would have dropped some kind of a hint in all the years i've liked him. Everything points to us never working out the way i want , we don't have the same definitions of what love is or want the same type of relationship from people. He's stuck on wanting what most people want , a traditional monogamous relationship. I don't want a traditional monogamous relationship and the type of relationship i want is either a open monogamous relationship , harem , non-monogamous, swingers , or poly. As far as marriage goes i was never a supporter of it , and i have a different view of it than most so marrying him is up in the air if it was even possible for us to be together. Even if things did work out between us , i don't want to be a left over/last resort for him and be someone he just settled for.
I'll keep the explanation brief but I'm an 18 year old girl who had a pretty traumatic past. My parents were both alcoholics, and my father, although he was present for my life, didn't really take up the whole "father" role, if that makes sense. This will become important later. My cousin... He's a few years older than me and we've always had this sort of connection, of sorts. It was always PERFECTLY innocent, he and I were two of the most intelligent of the cousins, we both had the same sarcastic kind of humor... we just sorta "got" each other, all through our youth. It sounds goofy, but he was our gardener. Let me explain. Our house had a crazy gopher infestation, and he, being 16 or 17 at the time, was eager to earn a few bucks, and had a knack for gardening. My mom would pay him to come over and help us. Remember how I said that my childhood trauma would become important? Well, my cousin was my stability through most of it. Where most if not all of my male representatives in my life had failed me, he was what "normal" was. Him being around the house so often made me feel safe, like I was protected. Kinda stupid in hindsight, considering we were both children, but hey. I think my crush started way back then. Our family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc, do NOT gather all that often. But when we do, we are just so drawn to each other. Thanksgivings, while the rest of the family would be in the kitchen talking and drinking, you know, having general merriment... we'd be in the living room, talking, or sitting in silence. It was that kind of thing where even if we weren't talking, you could tell that we were comfortable enough just being around each other. Particularly last Thanksgiving, there was a point where I felt comfortable enough to finally talk to him about all the crazy crap that happened when I was young with my parents and the abuse. I felt safe. And he listened, told me how strong I was and how I hadn't deserved to go through all of it alone. I felt SO safe, and warm, like I was finally home. And that's something that's so hard for me to feel, it's impossible to ignore. Now, here's the thing about my cousin. He's a man of very few emotions, or, at least, he doesn't show them very often. But even all the aunts, uncles, and grandparents know that he's always been very protective of me. We tend to read each other's emotions like a book. We were both raised in a pretty straight-laced, Christian environment and are both still of the faith, and because of this, cousin/cousin relationships are pretty taboo. I know chances are that he doesn't feel the same way about me. But I think that I DO harbor some pretty serious feelings for him. These feelings became pretty evident, actually, when I met up with my mother a few weeks ago. We had gotten lunch, and I talked about my cousin and how I was so glad that he had been there for me through the hard times, something like that. My mom said, and I quote, "(Cousin's name) is a great man. Really. What a shame that he's your cousin." And my heart stopped. My first thought was "Sh*t! She found me out!" Then I started thinking, "Wait a minute, is that her way of giving support?" And that's really the incident that led me to questioning my feelings and finally ending up at this point, writing this post. Here I am. In love with my cousin. And I'm confused, alone, and scared. I have a lot of questions that hopefully those in this community could help me answer. For the longest time I had tried to push down these feelings, so forgive me if my questions sound a bit obvious or whatever. Is there any way to gauge whether the cousin in question returns these feelings? Is this something that would be easier to ignore and forget about? Are the whole "cousin couples are bad because genetic deformities happen in their children" thing really as severe as people say? Is there something wrong with me? Thank you guys in advance for your responses, I really hope to hear from some of you. Any advice is appreciated.