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Our story started roughly 2 years ago when my cousin confessed she had feelings for me. At the time she said this is wrong and we should not be doing this. But we continued developing our relationship anyway. We planned of our lives together after marriage, babies, places to visit, things to do and so on. We lived a happy life. Now after two years of constant back and forth of; this is wrong we should not be doing it and it’s ok let’s go ahead with it, she wants to end the relationship but isn’t doing it, just putting a halt to the boyfriend/girlfriend aspect and just wants to be friends. She says, “I should have been the adult in the room. I don’t want to continue doing wrong.” She feels that when we inform our family about our intentions we will end up creating a huge and permanent split in our family. We will be the reason for our family to break apart. People will hate us. Previously at the beginning of our relationship she had said that she doesn’t care about what other people think of her. When I brought this up she said well I do care now. I tried convincing her that I’ll deal with all the heat from the family, you can even say he is the one pushing for it I’m not that interested. I’ll be able to make the family come to terms with us. But she still says even if you convince the family I know it’s wrong and my mind will not be at ease. She says even if we get married I won’t be able to live a happy life because I’ll be disturbed about the fact that we are cousins and we shouldn’t be married. Also whenever she sees other cousins they remind her that we are doing wrong. She feels bad when she sees them. Sometimes she says that I look like her brother and that makes it difficult for her. The thing I don’t understand is that these are issues that were there during the first year of our relationship, why are they becoming unbearable now. She was able to put these thoughts aside then. Why can’t she now? I asked her do you want to end our relationship? Her reply was, “Yes, sometimes I want to end it. But sometimes I don’t. I don’t know.” I said why don’t you end it then. She said, “You’ve done nothing but loved me. And that’s why it’s difficult for me to end it. I’m thinking about our relationship in a realistic way and you think in a hopeful way. There is no way our family will allow us to be together.” I feel that if I can convince her that we are not doing anything wrong. We love each other and there’s nothing wrong about it, she might change her mind. The thing is I’ve tried everything I could to do that. But she doesn’t accept it. I’ve given her examples of cousin marriages happening for so many decades. Her response is that if people have been doing wrong that doesn’t mean we continue doing wrong. You may think she does not love me anymore and is trying to find excuses to end our relationship. That’s not how it is. She is a tough independent woman. She does not let other people’s opinions play any role in her decision making. She thinks for herself and sticks to her decisions however painful they may be. I know her very well. She still loves me. Just not enough to marry me.
Im a 20 year old Student and my Cousin is also 20 and a student We've been dating for two years Now and with respect to her I can say were really happy, everyone outside our family thinks we're dating if only they knew right Most of the time we sleep in the same bed, My brother is Totally suspecious one time he found a Rubber on my Cousin's bed a day after I slept on it but didnt say a word Sometimes we just forget about everyone around us and get too affectionate or when were having a disagreement we become overly dramtic in a Very Uncomfortable way for people around us I think . Getting caught wouldn't work to our Advantage I really want my family to know about us it seems so difficult ? Any Idea how to approach this ?
I will try to be as short as possible and crystal clear about myself. I am 23.8 years old male lives in north India, I am about to complete my graduation within a few months. I am way too shy, it's not natural/normal shyness but I believe it's a big problem for me. I feel very uncomfortable talking to a female (except my mother and some other family members), I can't even look in their eyes confidently. Even I never had a female friend. During my school 6 years ago I had a girl in my class, who used to sit behind my bench (sat there for a year) due to fixed seating arrangment. When she changed her school I started missing her. She was lively, talktive, childish, open minded, emotional, passionate, enthusiastic etc. Within a few months her memories became obsession for me, I used to think about her day and night . It took me more than a year to get over with it. Just about that time 4.5 years ago messaging started between me and my first cousin (mother's brother's daughter). She is 2 years younger than me and have 2 older brothers. She has the same nature just as the girl from school. The chat continued for a month, I started developing feelings for her. I even told her about the girl from school and she told me about the boy she liked in school. I wanted to take more time but something (this "something" is the main problem which is making me feel very sick again, since this thing creeps me out so I will put it only one time in the end ) forced me to convey my feeling early. I simply said "I like you", she replied "I like you too". That day I was very happy, at night I over messaged her (messages like good night, sweet dreams etc). The next day she messaged me that she is not ready for any relationship right now and don't want her brothers to know anything about it as she don't want any trouble. I was confused and angry at her and replied "You should have not said I like you yesterday, don't message me again, blah blah...",(Now I know I should have given her space, time and respected her decision ). Later that night I was not able to sleep properly, so in morning I wrote a very long long meaasge apologizing her. Unfortunately her oldest brother and his wife read that message (though they both were understanding and said to us "You two should not have anything in between right now, we will think about you two in future). She was very upset that what she didn't wanted has happened. I was very depressed for the next few months. Every time I visited their house I felt awkwardness and my shyness prevented me dealing with the situation correctly. Previously I used to visit their house 3-4 times a year but after that incident I visited their house 4 times in last 4 years. Everytime after returning to home I stayed depressed for a few weeks. Over these years I have realised that I might have fell for my cousin because I never had a female friend or talked to them. Whatever the reasons are I belive my feelings are real and they are quite strong towards her. Though I have a lot of cousins but I have realised I always had something for her from a long time back even before 4.5 years ago. Now fast fowarding things to present. Now I don't expect anything from her absolutely nothing, this is what my mind thinks. But my heart still have feelings for her. Last week I had to stay at their house for her second oldest brothers wedding. Everything was fine and my awkwardness has reduced over the years, but something has made me feel very sick. This is the last thing on earth I want to talk about because it creeps me out, but I desperately need some advice. The thing is she has used "bro**er" word two times while calling me during the stay and one time 1.5 years ago (but at that time I ignored it, I thought it was a mistake though it literally pi**ed me off). But this time it really made me upset. Since it gave me a very very very sick feeling so I decided to return home, as she came to know I was going she asked me three times "desperately"(the way she asked me I can say she was desperately asking me) to stay on two occasions. But I refused to stay though I want to tell her the truth why I was leaving, I didn't have courage and nor did I know how to explain this thing to her. Later that night when I was leaving I saw her on roof standing alone at 11pm in dark (I don't know why she was up there and what she was thinking). It's been 2 days I am at home but I still feels sick. I cannot completely avoid visiting her house in future it's inevitable but I don't want to hear that word again. What should I do ? How do I talk to her about it? How should I explain things to her? I would be thankful for some advice.
Aaaa! It starts when I was in 7th grade in 2007 or 8. I start liking her since then but I wasn't knew anything my father was in the army so we didn't have sources to be in contact. Her mother died when she 3 years old and her father also leave this world in 2016. So she is very sensitive but actually opposite to that. last year her aunt wanted her to marry her son he is almost 10 years elder than her. But she refused by saying he is my brother and I don't wanna marry him. By this, I felt I am losing something I told her my feelings that I loved her. I am working in UAE we do text each other every day mostly I do if I will not be then she will be surely texting. The same story is with me she said that she doesn't wanna marry me coz I'm her cousin brother I am a Muslim so in Islam it's allowed to marry the cousin. She is very hard heart kinda girl I mean no kindness even though if I will be telling her about my feeling or anything like this she will be usually saying hmmmmmmmmmm. ok. It makes me angry coz she doesn't have any feelings even after knowing my feelings and her attitude he still texts me talk to me but usually won't pick up the call. I've tried so hard since last year but nothing happens to her. The worst part is these things are affecting my daily life my friends are complaining about the change of nature in me I don't talk much doesn't smilies it affects so badly even I will be telling her anything about this she will not be understanding IDK why. She mostly takes my talk as a joke and I always keep her into the conversation and she also ready to leave. I really tried to forget her but 24 hours a day she stays in my mind. Help me to have her. Thanks