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  1. lary

    We broke up

    Hi guys. Its my first time sharing this but I have to get it off my chest. My cousin and I didn’t grow up together. We grew up in different countries but knew about each other. He vacationed here in 2005. We had an attraction then. He wrote me a letter before he left admitting that he liked me. When I got home, I messaged him and said I liked him too. We started talking but I stopped cause I felt it was wrong. I vacationed to his place the next year. It was awkward at first but the attraction was still there and we admitted that we had feelings for each other. We had our first kiss then and more kisses. I went back home and we continued to chat but I told him we should stop cause its not right. We had relationships of our own after that. Come 2008, we saw each other again. All the feelings came back in full force. We spent time together the entire time I was there and the feelings grew to love. Yes, we fell in love. Same story, we stopped, had relationships but it was never the same. Early 2012, we started talking on skype. Things went fast and by mid-2012 we were officially together though LDR. We kept it a secret. On vacations, he met my friends. I met his. We promised each other that we’ll fight the obstacles that come our way. We did what couples do when we’re together on vacations. We spent time together. We made love. We fought. We made up. We agreed that he’d petition for me to go there. Fast forward to 2018, he said he’s unsure of our future anymore. That he wanted to be with me but he didn’t want to drift apart with his parents too (they are close). He ended our relationship of almost 6 yrs. It crushed me. He shattered my heart. I gave him my all. He became my world. All my dreams and plans involved him. I may have been there before but not anymore. It was the kind of pain that I never thought I’d experience. I cried for days. I couldn’t eat nor sleep. He’s always on my mind. He said he needed time to figure things out. He said that he hopes he comes back to me sooner than later. I want him to. I want him to come back to me. But what if he doesn’t? What if I’ll be waiting for nothing? I’m scared that if he comes back, will he break me again? This broke me to my core. Its just been days since we broke up. I still can’t let go even when I said I would if that’s what he needs. We still talk but its not the same. Should I stop contacting him for now? Give him space and time. But I’m scared that if I do that then that’s the end of it all. He says he loves me still and that he always will. I feel the same way. But we got lost along the way somehow. I don’t know how to cope. Help please.
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