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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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LadyC

how to tell your mom

78 posts in this topic

i drafted this years ago for others to use... edit it as you see fit. i'm stickying it so it doesn't get lost again.

  Dear Mom,

    I have something to tell you that is very important to me, but am having a difficult time knowing how to bring the subject up. I decided that writing it in a letter might make it easier.

    I have fallen in love with the most wonderful person. We share an incredible relationship. We know each other's every thought. We respect each other, understand each other, and give each other unconditional love and support. I have never felt so comfortable in a relationship before. I feel completely at ease with this person, without having to try and pretend to be someone or something which I am not. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is the person I want to share my life with.

    Our choice, however, may be seen as somewhat controversial. In fact, even we struggled with our feelings, knowing we would face opposition. You see, the person whom I've fallen in love with is my cousin. But rather than deny ourselves the chance at happiness, we decided to pursue our relationship very slowly, and with a great deal of caution. It is important to me that you know we seriously considered all aspects of a relationship such as ours after doing a great deal of research on the subject. It is also very important to me that you research the issue of cousin marriage also, before you draw any conclusions.

    What we've discovered in our research is that marriage between two cousins is not nearly as uncommon as people would think. We've also learned that we had preconceived notions about cousin marriage that we have learned from society, but which have no basis of truth. We have learned that cousin marriage is fully supported by the Bible, as well as almost every other world-religion.

    We've learned that the risk of genetic defects is only very slightly higher than any other couple, and in fact much lower than many other couples based on lifestyle choices. We've also learned that genetic counseling is something to be strongly considered if we decide to expand our family in the future. We've looked into exactly what genetic counseling can and can not do, and are confident that a qualified expert could determine if we are at a higher risk.

    We've learned that cousin marriage is legal throughout the majority of the world, including much of the United States. We've even discovered that until about 150 years ago, cousin marriages were common, and much more accepted by society than they are today.

    One of the most important things we have learned is that we are not alone. An average of one out of every 1000 marriages are between two first cousins, and many more relationships occur between cousins that choose not to marry.

    We are both fully aware that marriage is a serious commitment, and that such commitments are not always easy. A strong marriage takes alot of work. There will always be obstacles to overcome, and we realize that social prejudice is adding one more hurdle for us. But we also believe that those who love us will be supportive of our decision once they, too, have looked into the issue and separated fact from myth.

    I love you. We both do. Your acceptance and your blessing are very important to us, but are not required. We are both old enough, mature enough and wise enough to know that true love is something to celebrated, never wasted. With or without your support, we intend to pursue this relationship. I will always value your feelings and respect your opinions, but this is a choice that only we can make.

    I hope that this letter brings you joy and not despair. If you are disappointed, I am asking you to look at a couple of websites which provide an enormous amount of information which is thoroughly researched and documents the sources of the information. Those websites are www.cuddleinternational.org and www.cousincouples.com.

    All my love,

   

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I don't think that this needs to be edited at all... this is BEAUTIFUL! I appreciate your posting this for others as I know that it can be one of the hardest things to tell mom.

**kay

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cuddleinternational has been defunct for several years now. i just merged with cc.com and let the other domain go.

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Lady C,

What a incredible letter you have written you inspire me, that was truly beautiful.. I wish you the greatest luck... I don't think you need to change anything...

Wow,

Heartbroken

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Great letter!

My mum recently found out and it wasnt too good.

My dad, being muslim and normal with the idea, dosnt see a problem with it. But my mum was brought up British and has been poisoned with the british culture here! Aaah!

When the topic comes up again, i will be using that for help :)

Thanks xx

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guess your mom doesn't think very highly of the royal family?

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This is a Great letter. You said everything that ever needed to be said if anyone wanted to tell there mom.  :ok:

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I hope one day I get to have this conversation with my (and her) mother.

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it's great and very helpful! the content is very similar to what i want to tell my parents and my bf's parents (who is my second cousin). You were like the voice of my heart. thanks. GODBLESS=]

hopefully, we'll have the courage to tell them because we're very serious of each other. Both of us wouldn't want to let go and give up. I love him so much and i'm sure he also did. he proved it to me a lot of times. I also hope for their much understanding and approval. Me and my bf have been praying for our parents' acceptance to our relationship. no joke..I know God will not fail us because our prayers are very sincere. But for that to happen, I know I must do something too. I'm glad I found this website. I was very worried and confused way back then. thanks a lot!

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Oh My God! That was beautifully written. I have been in a wonderful,loving relationship with my cousin for almost 3 years now.And it is always so... tough to figure out how to tell my kids,& my family. I admire the strength and power of that letter.Hopefully it will give me inspiration.Once again,thank you for sharing

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Great letter!

My mum recently found out and it wasnt too good.

My dad, being muslim and normal with the idea, dosnt see a problem with it. But my mum was brought up British and has been poisoned with the british culture here! Aaah!

When the topic comes up again, i will be using that for help :)

Thanks xx

guess your mom doesn't think very highly of the royal family?

haha! How ironic, she's british...

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i drafted this years ago for others to use... edit it as you see fit. i'm stickying it so it doesn't get lost again.

  Dear Mom,

    I have something to tell you that is very important to me, but am having a difficult time knowing how to bring the subject up. I decided that writing it in a letter might make it easier.

    I have fallen in love with the most wonderful person. We share an incredible relationship. We know each other's every thought. We respect each other, understand each other, and give each other unconditional love and support. I have never felt so comfortable in a relationship before. I feel completely at ease with this person, without having to try and pretend to be someone or something which I am not. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is the person I want to share my life with.

    Our choice, however, may be seen as somewhat controversial. In fact, even we struggled with our feelings, knowing we would face opposition. You see, the person whom I've fallen in love with is my cousin. But rather than deny ourselves the chance at happiness, we decided to pursue our relationship very slowly, and with a great deal of caution. It is important to me that you know we seriously considered all aspects of a relationship such as ours after doing a great deal of research on the subject. It is also very important to me that you research the issue of cousin marriage also, before you draw any conclusions.

    What we've discovered in our research is that marriage between two cousins is not nearly as uncommon as people would think. We've also learned that we had preconceived notions about cousin marriage that we have learned from society, but which have no basis of truth. We have learned that cousin marriage is fully supported by the Bible, as well as almost every other world-religion.

    We've learned that the risk of genetic defects is only very slightly higher than any other couple, and in fact much lower than many other couples based on lifestyle choices. We've also learned that genetic counseling is something to be strongly considered if we decide to expand our family in the future. We've looked into exactly what genetic counseling can and can not do, and are confident that a qualified expert could determine if we are at a higher risk.

    We've learned that cousin marriage is legal throughout the majority of the world, including much of the United States. We've even discovered that until about 150 years ago, cousin marriages were common, and much more accepted by society than they are today.

    One of the most important things we have learned is that we are not alone. An average of one out of every 1000 marriages are between two first cousins, and many more relationships occur between cousins that choose not to marry.

    We are both fully aware that marriage is a serious commitment, and that such commitments are not always easy. A strong marriage takes alot of work. There will always be obstacles to overcome, and we realize that social prejudice is adding one more hurdle for us. But we also believe that those who love us will be supportive of our decision once they, too, have looked into the issue and separated fact from myth.

    I love you. We both do. Your acceptance and your blessing are very important to us, but are not required. We are both old enough, mature enough and wise enough to know that true love is something to celebrated, never wasted. With or without your support, we intend to pursue this relationship. I will always value your feelings and respect your opinions, but this is a choice that only we can make.

    I hope that this letter brings you joy and not despair. If you are disappointed, I am asking you to look at a couple of websites which provide an enormous amount of information which is thoroughly researched and documents the sources of the information. Those websites are www.cuddleinternational.org and www.cousincouples.com.

    All my love,

   

excellent letter BTW!! =D

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My mom caught us in bed together 9yrs ago, it was not pretty  :rolleyes: She had to have seen it coming, we moved in together 2mths before that I mean come on! She was not that naive.

But it did teach her to knock before coming in our house  :girl_haha:

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oh, ouch, can we say awkward??? i'm not sure which would be worse... being the daughter and having my mom walk in while i'm having sex, or being the mom and walking in on my daughter having sex. LOL, either way, that's just got to be a nightmare to live through!

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It was awful, I had no clue what was going on. One sec. we're getting busy the next he's in the closet & my mom's going "OMG What the hell are you doing!?!" while she's backing out the door. I get dressed & go outside, there stands my mother & two of my aunts. She started yelling at me & I did the only thing I could think of....lie threw my teeth. Didn't work though, she's not blind & I had put my shirt on not only backwards but inside out. Talk about no impressed my one aunt actually pointed it out to me!  :laughter: Plan B was to tell them off & go back in the house.

At the time I was scared to death but now it's something I tease my cousin about atleast once a month "Remember when you left me naked to hide from my mom in the closet?"

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Hes4me that is too funny :laughter: ladyc that letter is perfect.  I wish I had that letter when I was younger.

However, the letters I had were love letters from my cousin and when my parents were suspecting something was going on they went through my stuff and found the letters; which then I got yelled at  :laughter:. . . Dad thought it was all about the sex but Mom knew that it was more than that because we wanted to run away and live our own life.  The funny thing was that we lived right next door but we would write these letters to each other and tell each other to read them before you go to bed (LOL! I want to keep this PG but there was some very detailed descriptions in these letters of things we've done too) now if only I had your letter it wouldn't have been embarrassing :biggrin:

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I am very happy for this piece...are you married to your cousin?

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I love this! I keep reading it over and over, again. :) Thank you!  :hug:

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you're welcome! (and to answer the question of the person before you, yes, i'm married to my cousin.)

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i saw the letter that you wrote you mom.......... i lked it nice work lady c

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thanks stacey. i didn't actually write it for my mom, i wrote it for others to give to their moms. my mom was supportive from the very beginning, and was very happy when we got married. we really had the support of almost everyone in the family.

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This is a beautiful letter. Fortunately I didn't need a letter with my mother. She worked it out before I could tell her. I was talking about how cute my cousin is and my mom told me a story about how she used to have a crush on her cousin. I thought "wow, that was easy!"

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