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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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LadyC

how to tell your mom

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Reading your letter, it's so beautiful & a near tear jerker for me... I wish acceptance was as easy as a letter.  The first time I told my mother, it went aweful & we were seperated, heard an earful from all the family, He was kicked out of his house... It was a mess.

The second time, when it was discovered we never stopped (about 9 months later) & were planning to elope, I was kicked out, disowned by my mother's sisters, His mother (who adored me) even said enough was enough (too much drama for the family) & I ended up in the hospital.

All my family cares about is image.

They dont care that it's not a sin (They are Catholic), they dont care about the medicinal, they dont care about the legality. They care about the "family name."

The family I care about only because He is part of it.

I wish luck&love to other cousin couples, may your journeys be far easier than mine & Edu's.

And please forgive my rant.

<3

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 Well done LadyC. I have never seen so many accolades for one post before. Everyone loves the letter and I am certain many have put it to good use!

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Guest Jennifer

I wish I could honestly say how wonderful and useful this is.. However.. I also wish I had found this in the beginning of my relationship.. My parents pryed it out of me... For the last two years it has been nothing but an acceptance battle, of which I had lost... And the worst of it is, my mentally disabled brother can never see me again because of my choice to be with my 3rd cousin Brandon... She is holding my number one man from my life now (brandon being 2)...

This is how we met:

During the first month to two, we found out that we were 3rd cousins.. I was shocked as was he.  Our families were separated as his mother was adopted from a long time ago to a new family, and we were born and raised here in Edmonton, went to the same high school and even had the same friends.  But we never knew nothing about each other until 2008 when Jarrett reintroduced us to each other (while Jarrett was secretly trying to get in to my pants during my failed relationship with Trevor Daniels). We flirted, hugged, smushed each other into the waves at the waterpark a week before my car accident.  I knew I liked him, and I guess he knew the same about me.  But I was still with the slopping leech at the time, trying to find a friendly way of getting rid of Trevor. The day after my car accident (I was the injured one and not trevor, bastard) he stole $40 from me, not much, but stealing is stealing, to go and do card tricks and gamble at the casino to make more (as he already spent his ended job money on junk and had to pay rent, the dumbass) so I finally dumped him and a week later I had a party at my apartment and invited Jarrett, mike and brandon.  Brandon and I flirted, cuddled, touched each other (not like that).  January 30, we made it official as he already moved in a week before to get away from his psycho mother. We kicked out Trevor, and then things went crazy from there.. Later on we found out we were 3rd cousins, through a story about their other cousin George, how he was bigger native guy, bigger than mike.. And his mother just had that other family look to her.. So I asked what her last name was, sure enough, it was what I thought it was, asked if she knew so and so.. and yeah?

Later that evening after I was done freaking out, I phoned my mother and told her, and mom being her bitchy stupid self, bitched at me and threatened that I better not be going out with Brandon.. But too late obviously?

Later on however, around April we lost our apartment and had no where to go (we just finished college, no job to save our rent) and he moved to his moms and I moved to mine.. I caved in to my parents beckoning and separated for a bit from brandon, only to learn that I was to never be accepted, how disgusting I am and going to hell and pretty much tortured mentally and physically by my parents as I had to move back to my old bedroom. So I had to leave again and this time, knowing that moment would be the last I would ever see my brother again...

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Guest cloud

WOOOOO I love this letter so much, go ladyc!!!!! I wrote it down and added my own things to it, I'm taking my new found knowledge to my uncle(the father of my cousin who is against us) with my new found wisdom and hopin 4 da best of da best, but whatever happens I'm still so happy to have such a strong defense with this issue, so many great facts and points that I'm gonna bring up. not once did I think of a letter, it's a lot better since u have everything u need to say right there on paper, once I am finished with my full thinking and with my so far 5 page essay, I'm going to read it to them. please please pray 4 me everyone that I'll claim her back

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if angi comes back looking, angi, i moved your post into its own topic where it will get more notice.

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Guest smrj

This is very inspiring considering that alot of people would have a hard time telling their parents. I told my mom and she is ok with it but my bf's parents aren't to happy with it. We aren't even second cousins I don't even know how far down the line we are? but our great and second great are cousins. I think it's perfect i wish you the best of luck. :smiley: 

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Guest sambeaux

you must have known a similiar spirit as mine when you wrote this cause i have been in love with my second cousin my whole life but we were torn from each other for unfounded reasons and just now some twenty odd years later have we reconnected and i have never felt love the way i feel it with my sweet heather , i know beyond any doubt god has sent her back to me and i will eventually have to tell my mom as we are pretty close and your letter idea and the letter itself are perfect

thank you somuch

sambeaux

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Guest Yellaboi 2.O.

This is the most remarkable peace of literature I hav seen since Romeo & Juliet. This letter has really eased my conscience. I have always speculated the idea that there was as serious defect in my cerebral functions in order for me to fall in love with my cousin. Thoughts about me being arrested for doing such a thing or killed by my heavyweight uncle when he finds out that I am dating his daughter have tormented my soul for quite a while. But thanks to this letter I hav found out; How to tell my mom that I have been intimate my cousin, that I ain't the only that has feelings for his cousin, and that cousins can legally date. Thanks a million times Lady C. This has really helped.

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well written letter. i'd like to share how we've told our parents. we're already more than a yr in our relationship when we have told our parents, and great thing is i'm already 6months pregnant when we've told them. the story goes like this. we've met for our regular prenatal check-up, and he ask foe a printed ultrasound film of our baby. then he placed the utz film inside his mom's shoulder bag. it was the next day yet when he texted his mom to check her bag for it. the funny thing is his mom replied "what is this?" i dont understand. then, that's the moment my fiance texted her like this . " mom, it's an ultrasound film of your soon grand daughter, that's already 6 months." then his mom replied, what? who's the girl? where is she now?. my fiance replied, "mom, she's (my name), she's my girlfriend, we're already more than a yr in relationship, im sorry." that's how he have told his parents, now on my side i also texted my parents. " mom, im 6months pregnant. funny thing is they wont believe me, they thought i was just kidding . mom replied, "are you kidding, you dont even have a boyfriend." until the conversation started to get serious. i replied, "yes i have it's (my fiance's name), we're already more than a yr in our relationship.

good thing is, my fiance's parents are so understanding and open minded, they just accepted us and have forgiven us. my parents are the same but it took a little longer before they've accepted us. according to them they have nothing to do 'coz im already pregnant, but to only accept us and support us . in fact they even did all their best to let us get married but unfortunately the judge wont marry us bcoz of being first cousins. it's prohibited here int he philippines.

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Guest purplexy54

Its funny i have found this letter time and time again to help myself figure out how to tell my mother...considering i'm in love with the only son of her closest brother that past away 15 years ago. i fear she'll try to keep us apart! i'm scared of how she'd react...i am afriad that if she gives me a really really hard tie...i'd be forced to let him go, and try to get over my feelings for him...but it's so hard! we've been this way for a year now!

i have always been sheltered alot. idk how the world works, i dont watch the news, and i am no where ner independent. i'm worried if me and my cousin toughen it out together, i wouldnt be able to take care.

your letter always brings me suc inspiration, as this website brings me such hope and motivation to go against the odds.

because us cousin lovers gotta stick together lol

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Guest purplexy54

i'm 20 and live with my parents in texas, whereas my cousin is 28 and lives in new york.

i told my mother of this and it was awful, i regret it so mch. she forced me to disconnect from ym cousin, although we still text in secret. i told her about being supported by the Bible...she wasnt assured. i told her about the 94% chance of the offspring coming out just fine...she wasnt happy. all she said was that we were wrong, that people who entertain these feelings are selfish...funny thing is, right before we were discussing how not to deny yourself happiness. if you met the right person, dont date him to please him and dont date him to plese the family...dont try and please everyone because you gotta look for what you want...ironic isnt it?

  anyways, telling my mother only made having a cousin relationship even harder, and as close as my family is, i feel like running away from here, getting my own place, and texting n calling my cousin as much as i want, and one day, visiting him.

    my advice, DONT DO WHAT I DID! i ruined the relationship between my cousin and his aunt. i cant even talk about him anymore. dont rush and tell your mother like i did, once you involve them, they just wanna control your life and push you and push you. dont do that.

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Guest js

So sad to hear, purple.

And thanks a lot for sharing.

I sincerely hope the situation eventually gets better.

Please keep in touch and update us of any news.

I am not very good in giving advice, but you have a friend in me and I am sure that also in the hole CC comunity.

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Guest michalc

Dear Ladyc

I want to thank for all you effort.....

now I know I'm not alone

bless you in all ways

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Guest vino

This letter..is simply awesome......a real gd 1 by the way.

Gd luck. Wish you all the best

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Guest califtom

Its a very eloquent and touching letter and I would hope well received by your mother. The only thing I would take exception with is the religious aspect. The bible does endorse marriage between cousins but it also endorses alot of other horrible things as well such as killing disobedient children and stoning people to death for being gay. 

I fully support marriage between cousins and see no problem in it whatsoever whether a Bronze Age religion says its okay or not. You don't need an okay for the bible anymore than you need an okay from anyone else.

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Guest cccc

can i copy

in case time will come that i have to tell my parents about it. even to my siblings and our relatives

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i wish i'd discovered this 3 years ago, couldn't have said it better myself. my boyfriend's mom never approved. she called one day and flipped a lid asking if we were an item, and when i told her the truth she went overboard. she hasn't spoken to me since. this letter would have been great to give to someone like her, who needs time to think before they react. like some other mom's i've read about though, i think she is all about her name/image, so it's hard to say. you did a lot of people a favor by writing this, half the battle is breaking the news. thanks for sharing

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you're all welcome, and cccc, yes, the purpose of posting it here is for people to copy, to modify, to use in any way they see fit.

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Well, this will be usefull in the time being. Just as far as I'm concerned the Bible argument won't work with me, my family has been atheaist for generations. As far as I know I've never heard anyone talk about religion in my family so I'll need to find a more convincing argument.

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really the only three arguments i've ever heard used (besides the "it's so icky" thing) are religion, genetics, and legalities. so your family isn't going to be swayed by the religious info, that leaves them only two objections, and the letter covers those just as thoroughly. feel free to edit, it's just a guideline for those who need it. just remember, IF your family objects (and they may not!) they aren't going to listen to the emotional arguments... their emotions are the only ones that will matter to them. stick to the facts... they're much harder for someone to argue with.

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Yes, I know that, and if they aprove of this I'll thank God for ounce in my life <- Yes thats a prayer/wish/dream.

It'l be hard but I must not let their emotions bring me down, that is their strongest weapon.

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