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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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LadyC

how to tell your mom

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i drafted this years ago for others to use... edit it as you see fit. i'm stickying it so it doesn't get lost again.

  Dear Mom,

    I have something to tell you that is very important to me, but am having a difficult time knowing how to bring the subject up. I decided that writing it in a letter might make it easier.

    I have fallen in love with the most wonderful person. We share an incredible relationship. We know each other's every thought. We respect each other, understand each other, and give each other unconditional love and support. I have never felt so comfortable in a relationship before. I feel completely at ease with this person, without having to try and pretend to be someone or something which I am not. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is the person I want to share my life with.

    Our choice, however, may be seen as somewhat controversial. In fact, even we struggled with our feelings, knowing we would face opposition. You see, the person whom I've fallen in love with is my cousin. But rather than deny ourselves the chance at happiness, we decided to pursue our relationship very slowly, and with a great deal of caution. It is important to me that you know we seriously considered all aspects of a relationship such as ours after doing a great deal of research on the subject. It is also very important to me that you research the issue of cousin marriage also, before you draw any conclusions.

    What we've discovered in our research is that marriage between two cousins is not nearly as uncommon as people would think. We've also learned that we had preconceived notions about cousin marriage that we have learned from society, but which have no basis of truth. We have learned that cousin marriage is fully supported by the Bible, as well as almost every other world-religion.

    We've learned that the risk of genetic defects is only very slightly higher than any other couple, and in fact much lower than many other couples based on lifestyle choices. We've also learned that genetic counseling is something to be strongly considered if we decide to expand our family in the future. We've looked into exactly what genetic counseling can and can not do, and are confident that a qualified expert could determine if we are at a higher risk.

    We've learned that cousin marriage is legal throughout the majority of the world, including much of the United States. We've even discovered that until about 150 years ago, cousin marriages were common, and much more accepted by society than they are today.

    One of the most important things we have learned is that we are not alone. An average of one out of every 1000 marriages are between two first cousins, and many more relationships occur between cousins that choose not to marry.

    We are both fully aware that marriage is a serious commitment, and that such commitments are not always easy. A strong marriage takes alot of work. There will always be obstacles to overcome, and we realize that social prejudice is adding one more hurdle for us. But we also believe that those who love us will be supportive of our decision once they, too, have looked into the issue and separated fact from myth.

    I love you. We both do. Your acceptance and your blessing are very important to us, but are not required. We are both old enough, mature enough and wise enough to know that true love is something to celebrated, never wasted. With or without your support, we intend to pursue this relationship. I will always value your feelings and respect your opinions, but this is a choice that only we can make.

    I hope that this letter brings you joy and not despair. If you are disappointed, I am asking you to look at a couple of websites which provide an enormous amount of information which is thoroughly researched and documents the sources of the information. Those websites are www.cuddleinternational.org and www.cousincouples.com.

    All my love,

 

thanks.. great help, but, were still new, and this is not the right time. but i'm saving it for the future.

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Guest priya149

When you know why they object to your relationship you will be better able to reason with them and stand up for your love. Some of the reasons your parents.

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Guest reza

I have been in a wonderful,loving relationship with my cousin for almost 3 years now.And it is always so... tough to figure out how to tell my kids,& my family.

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I think I will take that letter and adapt it to our religion and probably use that letter while I am getting married and enjoying my time with my new cousin wife (my parents and family can look over that letter and get used to the idea before we see them.)  I would like the shock to be over first ans for them to get informed about cousin marriages so that we can discuss it more rationally from a fact basis and not the emotional or societal viewpoint.

My father is a minister and I would like him to perform a ceremony for us later on but think that this will be easier to just do quietly and let them get used to the idea for a bit and not cause them so much worry..

Looks like we will go to CA or CO as they both approve..:)

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That is an awesome letter and one I had planned to use when telling family.. However I just told mom (and my daughter) and both were overjoyed!  There was no push back or unsupportive comments of any kind.. Telling my mother yesterday she sent me this text at the end of the day "Been so excited and happy for you guys all day! Dad too! We both support you 100% YaY!!"

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Guest Skye

Thanks soooo much for posting this! My cousin and I have to tell my father TONIGHT that we are in love and committing ourselves to one another as life partners. He already knows through the grapevine and we think that he's upset with us.... we're so nervous! I gained some great ideas through reading this! Thanks again!

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My cousin and I have been together for 2 years. We are talking about getting married but are afraid to tell my mom (her aunt).  My mom is pretty religious, but open minded too. So Im not sure how she will react. This letter is great. It has everything I want to say. When the time comes, I will copy this and give it to her. Thanks for the great idea.

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hi,

        i am also  love with my cousin. but he is my mom's own sister's son, i am 30y and he 34y we r in love with childhood. . . We love our family alot and cnt go aganist them, so if u can help me plz, need help !!! i come from a south Indian family. i need a couple who is ready to help me out bcoz i have very less time some one can help me plzzzzzzzzzzzz................................. mail id kavithagk999@gmail.com. looking who r in same trouble please. i have veryless time. yeterday only i came to know. my family forcing for marry from past 8yrs not able to do anything with lots of hope looking forward

regards

kavitha 

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I don't think that this needs to be edited at all... this is BEAUTIFUL! I appreciate your posting this for others as I know that it can be one of the hardest things to tell mom.

**kay

Hi this is a beautiful letter to write to your mom ! I just found my cousin after 27 years we just got together 2 months ago tomorrow. I don't how to tell my mom or my family. My family is very dysfunctional, parents are divorced and my brother is the only one that knows. Now my sweetheart sister and brother knows.

Thank you Daniel

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Guest ms.straight

uhmm actually I'm still not sure about myself and my feelings but I know i just fall inlove with my bestfriend at first but we're a same girl and now I fell inlove with my cousin! she's not that pretty but I just love her but i know i cannot tell her  or confess to her because she's older than me and she thinks that She's just my favorite cousin but there are times that I imagine kissing her  i dont know what to do :(

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Guest VeryMiniMe

So I'm 15 and he is 17, and I hadn't seen him for almost three years. When I saw him again two weeks ago, sparks flew. I don't even know how to explain it myself, but all I know is that there was something undeniable about how we felt towards each other. Thank you for posting this letter, I'm terrified about what will happen if anyone finds out. Our relationship has been official for only a week, but I know that this is something that will last. If anyone has any other advice that they could offer, I'd truly appreciate it. Best wishes to all, and thank you so much in advance💕

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When my first cousin and I first got together, he revealed to me he had studied cousin love and how there were so many famous, brilliant minded people besides 'regular' people who were cousins and got married. I was so happy and excited I ran and told my Mom that I was in love with him! She was surprised but

Accepted it with no problem. Which is strange as she

is usually not accepting of my previous men. Alas, it did

not matter as my cousin took back his love and threatened to never talk to me again if I told his Mom or other family members which hurt me deeply. Yet I am so happy my Mom was so nice and accepting of the idea.

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My cousin has 5 kids by 5 different women and he's done time for selling cocaine.  He's nobody's prize. Being a cousin would be low on the list as to why I shouldn't get involved with him.  That's why it's our business and no one else's.

It's so much easier to keep a cousin on the side I don't understand why more people aren't doing it.

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My cousin has 5 kids by 5 different women and he's done time for selling cocaine.  He's nobody's prize. Being a cousin would be low on the list as to why I shouldn't get involved with him.  That's why it's our business and no one else's.

It's so much easier to keep a cousin on the side I don't understand why more people aren't doing it.

minime, what you do is your business but some/most don't want to cheat or have their cousin on the side. Unfaithful should be your middle name, you've had a history on here telling people that being with a cousin is not cheating, well i'm sorry to disappoint you but it IS cheating if they're in a relationship/married to somebody else!

nessa76

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nessa, we won't be hearing from minime anymore. i've permanently muted her ability to post. she can only read these days. i suspect that she won't bother to come back around since she's unable to spread her brand of advice.

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This letterbis very helpful i think that this will do good for me and my cousin. We are also first cousins me and her have very strong feelings for eachother  and we are like soulmates her issue is losing everything and family  its the same for me for her is it harder she is never married but is in a relationship for 30 yrs and she feels bad to leave him  ahe dont feel nothing for him anymore for a long time. And for me i am married but in a divorce. We both are not happy for a long time  and now we feeling oved and happy again with eachother we want  to be together we feel that this is our destiny  everything feels right. But we willl take our time and build it up slowly till the right time thank you for showing this letter it might help us

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Guest Flash

Nice letter LadyC, I just told my mother that she was a grandmother again and the mother was her niece. She isn't judgemental so it was easy for me. Nice talkin to ya'll today.

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dang flash, it's so darn good to see you here! you and jasper really need to sign back in here. ya'll are legendary here. everytime someone asks the question 'has anyone here had kids with their cousin' i always talk about ya'll and how awesome olivia is!

it was great talking to ya'll. it was great hearing olivia sing! mark's sitting here saying hi again!

now i gotta go figure out exactly who is pregnant in your family.... it's too late at night for me to be climbing branches of someone's family tree, because it sounds like you're announcing that you two are having another child, and i know you're not that insane!

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i drafted this years ago for others to use... edit it as you see fit. i'm stickying it so it doesn't get lost again.

  Dear Mom,

    I have something to tell you that is very important to me, but am having a difficult time knowing how to bring the subject up. I decided that writing it in a letter might make it easier.

    I have fallen in love with the most wonderful person. We share an incredible relationship. We know each other's every thought. We respect each other, understand each other, and give each other unconditional love and support. I have never felt so comfortable in a relationship before. I feel completely at ease with this person, without having to try and pretend to be someone or something which I am not. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is the person I want to share my life with.

    Our choice, however, may be seen as somewhat controversial. In fact, even we struggled with our feelings, knowing we would face opposition. You see, the person whom I've fallen in love with is my cousin. But rather than deny ourselves the chance at happiness, we decided to pursue our relationship very slowly, and with a great deal of caution. It is important to me that you know we seriously considered all aspects of a relationship such as ours after doing a great deal of research on the subject. It is also very important to me that you research the issue of cousin marriage also, before you draw any conclusions.

    What we've discovered in our research is that marriage between two cousins is not nearly as uncommon as people would think. We've also learned that we had preconceived notions about cousin marriage that we have learned from society, but which have no basis of truth. We have learned that cousin marriage is fully supported by the Bible, as well as almost every other world-religion.

    We've learned that the risk of genetic defects is only very slightly higher than any other couple, and in fact much lower than many other couples based on lifestyle choices. We've also learned that genetic counseling is something to be strongly considered if we decide to expand our family in the future. We've looked into exactly what genetic counseling can and can not do, and are confident that a qualified expert could determine if we are at a higher risk.

    We've learned that cousin marriage is legal throughout the majority of the world, including much of the United States. We've even discovered that until about 150 years ago, cousin marriages were common, and much more accepted by society than they are today.

    One of the most important things we have learned is that we are not alone. An average of one out of every 1000 marriages are between two first cousins, and many more relationships occur between cousins that choose not to marry.

    We are both fully aware that marriage is a serious commitment, and that such commitments are not always easy. A strong marriage takes alot of work. There will always be obstacles to overcome, and we realize that social prejudice is adding one more hurdle for us. But we also believe that those who love us will be supportive of our decision once they, too, have looked into the issue and separated fact from myth.

    I love you. We both do. Your acceptance and your blessing are very important to us, but are not required. We are both old enough, mature enough and wise enough to know that true love is something to celebrated, never wasted. With or without your support, we intend to pursue this relationship. I will always value your feelings and respect your opinions, but this is a choice that only we can make.

    I hope that this letter brings you joy and not despair. If you are disappointed, I am asking you to look at a couple of websites which provide an enormous amount of information which is thoroughly researched and documents the sources of the information. Those websites are www.cuddleinternational.org and www.cousincouples.com.

    All my love,

   

  This letter will help me.  I will be able to placate my Parents to marry with my cousin

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