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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest HappyCousin

Happy & nervous at the same time.

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15 posts in this topic

This is my first post here, but want to set up my situation.  I have been in love with my first cousin since we were 10 years old.  She was my first crush, first kiss and only love. We would sneak away to share kissing in dark closets and she has had my heart since.  After kissing as  kids, I would go after and tell everyone that "someday, I'm going to marry her".  That was followed by laughs and her parents jokingly would say "we'll see sweetie", as this was the ramblings of a boy and his puppy love.  Only the feeling never went away.  We would see each other growing up occasionally and during family visits, although the kissing stopped, it was always that flirty joke about " the closet".  We would spend times together during summer visits and I was happy to be with her.  We soon parted ways and she went to college and I to my life. We hardly spoke for nearly 15 years!  And then the unthinkable/miraculous happened.  I landed a job in the town she lives.  I was floored that she never married.  I had come from a bad marriage that ended, and when I visited my cousin after all those years, the love I had for her was even stronger than before. She has this magic that makes me feel like a lovesick teenager every time I'm with her.  I can't explain this feeling, as I never felt it around anyone else.  We have always been flirty with each other, but about 3 Mos ago, she came to find out I was in love with her.  It was awkward at first, as she had to come to terms with this, and said she wasn't mad, but needed time to think.  I gave her space and things are getting almost back to the way they were. She's still flirty and touches me with her feet, but since she's emotional more than some, I keep my cool, and flirt back but give  her respect and do sweet kind things for her. We watch movies together, eat snacks and she's always making food for me and we joke with each other, but I'm trying to bide my time for I don't want to stress her as her life is already stressed with work, etc.  I am always doing things for her, since she lives alone, and I would do the world for her cause I love her so much. She's one of those proud independent types, so it's hard to  judge her moods sometimes. She made the remark that we are doing this "dance" recently and she is still coming to terms with this, but I am hopefully she realizes that  I will never hurt her, always be by her side, and will never find anyone like her, nor will want to. I'll be alone for the rest of my life if that's the case, but pray that's not the case.

So there is where I'm at.  We are in a somewhat good place. She is very moody and stresses easily, so I just sit there like an idiot sometimes, but I'm happy to sit next to her as we watch romantic and family movies together.  We are always flirting, and we both catch each other looking at each other sometimes.  I feel this strong attraction with her when she falls asleep on the couch next to me. Mostly because she looks so peaceful and feels comfortable and safe next to me.  She's an independent woman , cause shes been alone so long, so I don't want to come off imposing or lessening her role.  But I don't want to be with anyone else on this planet. She's not perfect, but I love that about her....     

For those of you that have made your dreams come true, I ask for your prayers in helping mine as well. I love this woman so much it hurts.

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Hello.

It seems to me that she also has feelings she is holding back? Possibly while trying to get to grips with the prospect of a cousin relationship? You obviously love spending time together so hopefully it will grow into something more. Does she know the extent of your feelings?

My prayers are with you. Things can be truly wonderful and I hope they are for you two.

K.

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Thanks for your kind words womanallegro.

Yes, she knows my full feelings for her.  And she is reminded of that every time I see her. With my caring actions, thoughtful letters, and have even brought her flowers once.  She's not the openly  affectionate type, due to family loss and other stressful things over the years, but I genuinely feel she has the same feelings, but is holding back.  And I can respect that.  I would love to go up to her and kiss her, but would not want to cause her any anxiety or stress. I care that much.  I do see that she keeps all my notes and cards I've gotten her , not stashed away, but out in her room, easily read, so I guess that's a good sign? 

  I guess the hardest part is the waiting.  But I will wait till eternity if need be. Excruciating pain, but she's worth it.

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Well, the more you explain, the more it seems she is affectionately attached to you. It shows how you feel by how you respect and value her feelings. Even if she is emotionally closed off somewhat, that doesn't necessarily mean a relationship is a no go. When my half cousin and I opened our minds to one another and put aside the stigma, it revealed a deep love. I think you're doing everything right by giving her time. The best things come to those who wait. In the meantime enjoy spending time with one another and let nature take it's course.

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Soinlove,

You don't know how much I want to. I really do.  :P

But I also am taking my time, giving her space to digest this whole thing too.  I t would kill me to get her upset or complicate things or cause her anxiety or stress. 

But I've already ran all the scenarios & how/when hundreds of times.

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I totally understand where your coming from! It was the first thought I had come to my mind after reading your story! My cousin and I have a similar story, and we're soon to be married this July!

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Thank you for your replies. It gives me hope.  I want to be with her so much.  I feel the happiest & alive when in her presence.  I respect this girl so much. 

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Soinlove,

You don't know how much I want to. I really do.  :P

But I also am taking my time, giving her space to digest this whole thing too.  I t would kill me to get her upset or complicate things or cause her anxiety or stress. 

But I've already ran all the scenarios & how/when hundreds of times.

Might consider light touching and hand holding. It is non intrusive and allows a certain comfort level. Typically from there you'll soon know what direction to go.

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Thanks unique.  I appreciate your input.  :laugh:

What works great which I did with my cousin is sitting hug/hold her from behind. Do this when the time feels right like watching TV or just talking, you don't have to say anything. Just feel the moment...then maybe a soft kiss on the back of her neck. You'll quickly know how she feels by how she reacts and her body moves. It is a great way to get her comfortable and at ease being close to you. It is very non confrontational and loving.

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Below is what my cousin said about the first night I held her. Maybe it'll give you some inspiration.

"I felt so relaxed and happy listening to you talk and loved the first time we touched each other?s hand.  That night when we cuddled in each other?s arms and talked and slept on and off was like no other first night ? so completely different and new for me. It was so natural, the feeling of comfort that later turned to desire."

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:cheesy: Wow! I'm hoping that everything goes well for the both of you it sounds like she likes you... I truly wish you the best  :cheesy:

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