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Guest Jessi

Risky Business??

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Me and my first cousin are in love and have been although im not sure how long he's felt this way, but as for myself i have always known since childhood. He was put into programs his whole life and jail, but i see nothing other than perfection in him, every imperfection others see in him i see as another beautiful quality... Is this wrong, it's legal for me to marry him here, considering the fact that he is sterile, but should i mention this to him or keep it to myself... I knoe if we did get married we would ultimately be disowned... Is the commitment and symbolism that is marriage worth losing our incredibly dysfunctional family??

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Hi :)

I'm going to try to answer your questions, but first I'd like to ask some of my own..

1) You didn't mention where you live, this is important to your marriage question (nothing too specific, just a state or country if you aren't in the USA).

1a) Some states the would normally void marriages between cousins will allow exceptions for sterile couples, is there proof of his sterility?

2) You said he's been in trouble in the past, the two of you need to make sure that he's put those days behind him. It's hard to be the girlfriend of a man in jail, I cannot imagine being the wife of a man doing multiple years at a time, can you? Now imagine doing this with no support from your family.

3) You said your family is dysfunctional - this is probably going to make you mad, but I have to mention it - please make sure you are emotionally stable enough to get into a relationship. Do not rush into a life with an unstable man because you need to feel validated & loved.

4) Marriage is a big commitment for anyone, especially a fairly new cousin couple who's family doesn't even know of their relationship. So I'm going to give you what's become my standard speech..

If you think that rushing into marriage will somehow solve/negate the fact that you family is going to be shocked about your relationship - think again. Think of telling your family as a test in your relationship, they may except you with open arms (it's happened!) or they may have a screaming fit & kick you out of their lives. BUT whichever way it goes you will have faced it together

And I am saying none of this to discourage you, it just sound like your trying to build a house of cards on a shaky table & if you think your family is broken or dysfunctional now just wait until everyone's feuding because you & your cousins marriage ended & people are taking sides.

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Jessi,

^^^ Yup, that right thar...

I don't want to throw cold water on you either, because I'm certainly not the same person I was years ago. BUT, I have had my wilder times, and go right up to the edge still on occasion. Several of us here have been considerably less than angels back in our day. Had I got caught for everything I did back then, I'd STILL be in the pen. I never killed anyone or stole from / defrauded anyone, so, luckily for me, the statute of limitations is up on all of my past shenanigans. And I'm WAY to old to do the things that I use to do. It seems to hurt a lot more these days.  :shocked:

I notice many post titles in the same veil as yours. They all ask a question of sorts. If you have to ask, you probably already know the answer. So, yes, it does sound risky to me. However, if as mentioned, he's changed his wilder ways, and you do see the good in him, perhaps it isn't the riskiest thing you could do. It does behoove you to have a nice LONG set down and be sure he's where he needs to be in his life before you jump in eyeballs deep though.

As to the legalities of it. You didn't mention where you are, so I shan't either. However, if my look-up is right, you are looking at even MORE risky business, depending on how old the two of you are. I'll try to give you the facts without saying directly which State you are showing as being in. I want you to stay anonymous, and by extension, him too. So, where you are, first cousins CANNOT marry EXCEPT if both are over 65, OR both are over 55, AND it can be demonstrated that one or both parties is sterile. AND, SHORT OF MEETING THOSE CRITERIA, IT IS CONSIDERED CRIMINAL INCEST THERE. Tread very lightly M'Dear. My advice at this point is, provided he is not on parole, and CAN leave the State, is to leave the State and make a fresh start elsewhere. I would keep it on the very down low to drama filled family members and friends, while I looked around for my travelin' shoes.....

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