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Closetomydream

Three years and still secret?

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We are home after a wonderful weekend away.  Throughout the year, we attend several beer festivals and this weekend was one of those.  Her parents watched her children, as they do from time-to-time....a bit of a rarity to get two nights away, and we had such a great time.

Reflecting this evening, I chuckled a bit.  Thinking to myself, how on earth couldn't the family know?  We've been living together for over a year, and all are well aware we have frequent evenings out.  That being said, we maintain separate rooms, except when the children are away.

For two years, I attended Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners with she and her mother's family.  We have dinner with her parents frequently.  We travel to visit my folks on occassion.

I take her to evenings out with my clients....many things that couples do together.

In front of each other's family we have referred to the other as 'babe' or some other term.  But, no display of affection except saying, "love you".

We maintain the secret because she doesn't wish to hurt anyone.  While, I'm not outwardly telling our family, she is aware that I wouldn't lie if the subject came up. 

So, here we are.  It'll be three years in June that my love and I connected.  A few trusted friends know the whole truth and are very supportive.  I believe that our parents know, or at least suspect.  I just wonder who will ask about us first.😄

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Cool story bro! I'm just wondering if you should go ahead and spill the beans. Don't y'all want to get married someday? It would be interesting if everyone flipped out at this point, when you come "out of the closet." Unless your aunt will get red-faced and scream that you are going straight to hell in a handcart, it's hardly worth the trouble of coming out anyway  :evil:

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Hi.

Agreed, great story.

Sounds like you two have a great relationship.

Seems to me that it'd be no massive shock to everyone, just no one has the nerve to broach the subject.

When my partner and I revealed our relationship, it turned out people already suspected. There's us thinking we were the masters of disguise, but some things just can't be concealed. Body language, the way you look at one another, etc.

I assume neither wants to keep it a secret forever, so after three years, why not? They'll know you're serious about one another. Wouldn't it be nice not to have to censor yourselves for others sake? If there is any storm, believe me, being able to act naturally around each other when it passes is so worth it.

Best of luck.

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Closetomydream,

I'm with the others, but, I have a little bit different take on it perhaps. I think, if I were in your shoes, I'd do exactly as you are. I regularly recommend couples have a place with separate rooms, at least initially, to keep up appearances. It also has the added benefit of each having their own space. Are you so far into it that it has become an overwhelming burden to do so? I ask because, where I am in life at this point, I am seeing a wonderful woman. She has her place, I have mine. We had a beautiful day today, so after work we fired up the Harley, went out for supper, had a few adult beverages, and a kiss good night. She just left for her place, I'm comfortably settled in here at mine. So far, it's working out fantastic for us. We've been seeing each other for about a year and a half, and have yet to ever raise our voices to each other, more less have a fight of any nature. Culture shock for me to be sure, but, I'll take it. I have a sneaking suspicion that if we were to share a bed every night, we would have rubbed each other wrong enough to have had some sort of issue. Not that the actual sharing of the bed would be the problem, but, the incumbent sharing of the roof along with it would be. You have the sharing of the roof, but, not the steady sharing of the bed. You have time away, in your own space, even if it is under the same roof.

I always though it odd that the generation of my grandparents kept separate rooms. I always assumed it was because of Grandpa's epic snoring. That my have been part of it, but I think subtly it had as much to do with them, after nearly 50 years together, not constantly being up each others' butt crack, if I may be so crude.  :cheesy: 16 hours a day or so was plenty. Or so it seems. When I left home, I stayed with them for a while. VERY occasionally, when they assumed I would spend the night at my GF's place, if I did come in there, Grandma wouldn't be in the "twin bed room" we had, OR the hide-a-bed she usually slept on to try to catch me coming in a little too schnockered. (They were both light sleepers, so I became a pro at silent entry of that house. LOL) That only left one other bed. Grandpa's. I never saw her so embarrassed as when I busted her chops on it at Sunday dinner one day, shortly before Grandpa passed. It was PRICELESS!!!  Anywho, unless it's REALLY becoming more than you can bear, I'd keep it up. At least until the kids are old enough to fully grasp the situation, and hold their peace.

Speaking of which, the rest of the family obviously AREN'T children. I always remind our younger members, and even older members too, that family WILL pick up on the hints of something being more than it appears. They've been there, done that. They know how the game is played. As I say "You can BS the fans, you can't BS the players." They know. After three years, and a year under one roof, they HAVE to know. They're keeping their mouths shut, so, if it were me, I'd ride it out until someone either has the nerve, or is uncouth enough to bring it up. At that point, I would just say "Ha, you just now catching on? You never struck me as being that slow as to just now be getting it..." Unless of course, it's one of your mothers who says it. Then, I would be quite frank and matter of fact about it. Say "Hey, it may be unconventional, but it's certainly working for us, and we're all in on it. We'd just as soon y'all be all in on it too." and take it from there. They WILL get over it. In fact, it seems to me, they already have. If you continue on, as you are, and they continue on, as they are, I see no real reason for a "coming out" as such. Sooner or later, if not already, it will just seem to be natural to everyone. If you feel it, you could slowly up the PDAs, but there's no real reason to be all "in your face" about it either. As it feels more natural to do so, then, by all means, do so. My opinion, so far, well played my good man....

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LOL, i hate to break it to ya, but you're very likely NOT fooling anyone in the family. they're just too gracious to bring it up until you (or she) does.

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LOL, i hate to break it to ya, but you're very likely NOT fooling anyone in the family. they're just too gracious to bring it up until you (or she) does.

Well said, I am betting that is the case. In some cases there really isn't a need to say anything.

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Hawk - The space definitely has helped us to a certain degree.  Some days, she has really struggled with staying together, and that alone-time has given her opportunity to sort through it.

😄 Right on LadyC.  Funny moment from last night.  We took her mother and son to an NBA game last night.  My ladyfriend kept referring to me as babe. and her mother definitely picked up on it (but said nothing).  Even better when she told her mother that we were taking a family-vacation with the children in April.😀

My current dilemma is addressing her parents. I see them several times a week when picking up the children, or we have a meet-up for a meal.  Referring to them as aunt or uncle seems a bit odd. 

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My current dilemma is addressing her parents. I see them several times a week when picking up the children, or we have a meet-up for a meal.  Referring to them as aunt or uncle seems a bit odd.

As Cuz's Mom and my Mom are firsts, and grew up as close as they did, even though her Mom is my 1C1R, I still refer to her as "Aunt H___". Their other male first cousin came by today, for an heirloom item rightfully his, that I've had in safekeeping for a while. My brothers and I have called him "Uncle J___" for many years. We usually do it to bust his chops though, but, he still eats it up.

The brothers don't refer to Cuz's Mom as "aunt" though. They just call her by name. I don't always call her "aunt" either, but I do face to face or on the phone occasionally. She eats it up, and it makes me happy to make her smile. She looks at us boys as the boys she never had, and Mom looks at her two girls as the daughters she never had. So, in a lot of ways, it fits, so I say it when it fits the occasion.

Keep it up like you are, and eventually, you may be calling them "Ma & Pa" LOL. THEN the weirdness of that will be on them.  :cheesy: Then again, over time, that may be an "ice breaker" of sorts for you. If the occasion fits, as in, you are doing a chore for them or something, and she goes to thank you, you could say "Only the best out of me for you 'Ma' ". She'll either eat it up, or throw something at you.....LMAO

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Hawk - One.of two things would happen if I called her 'mom', 1) she might not hear me, and I get no reaction, or 2) I would be swiftly corrected.

I'd love to be able to call them mom and dad.  Her dad is someone that I have looked up to all my life.

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Taking another step together.  We have begun discussing the purchase of our next home, and to be honest, I'm cautiously excited.

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Taking another step together.  We have begun discussing the purchase of our next home, and to be honest, I'm cautiously excited.

I hope all the pieces fall together for you. Good luck and let us know.....

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My bf and I's (cousins) three relationship is tomorrow. <3 We've been keeping it a secret all this time too. We've been talking about marriage... but scared to spill the beans. We're not so much worried about his family (pretty sure they already know) but we are more worried about my family, specifically my dad. You guys sound happy together! :) Do you have any plans for the future?

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Congrats!

The current plan is to buy a home together.  We've lived together in a rental for about 18 months.

She wouldn't agree right now. but I believe we will be public some day.  She didn't believe we'd ever live together, yet here we are.  ????

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