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nickershnick25

almost happy ending

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My first cousin is my soul mate.  He is six years older than I am and we have had a connection since we first met.  I have pictures of him holding me when I was only a few months old.  We grew up 2 hours away from each other but saw each other often during the summers.  All throughout our young lives we gravitated towards each other.  When we went to family events we would spend most of our time together and when it was time to leave we would both be to the point of tears at the thought of leaving each other.

 

I don't remember exactly when I started to find him physically attractive.  I think it was when I was around 12 or 13.  Which I guess is about the same time when he started to feel the same about me.  I didn't know until last year that his mother (my aunt) used to have to give him the "cousin talk" after every visit reminding him that yes I was pretty and smart and funny but that it wasn't appropriate to have those types of feelings about your cousin.  I never got those kind of talks.  I don't know if it was because my dad just didn't see it or if he believed it to be one sided and that I didn't have those types of feelings. 

When my cousin graduated from high school he moved away to Texas for school.  After that I only saw him a couple times over the period of several years.  We occasionally talked on the phone but whoever he was in a relationship with at the time would usually get jealous of our conversations.  After he dropped out of college he moved to Missouri and has been there ever since.  He had two children with two different girls and then got married and was married for 10 years. 

Last year he and I started to text on a regular basis and he kept telling me how great it would be if I could come and visit but that his wife probably wouldn't like it.  I tried not to think about why that was or why I didn't care if she liked it or not.  Then later in the year around August I texted him to see how he was doing and he told me that he and his wife were separated.  He was really upset about it because she had cheated on him but at the same time relieved because he had never really loved her. 

A couple of weeks after he told me about the separation I texted him telling him that I love him.  Over the years we told each other we love each other a lot.  I don't think either of us ever realized what the other really meant when we said it though.  He said he loved me too.  And I said "no you don't get it.  I really really love you."  He responded by saying he knew and that we have always shared that same love for each other.  It took me a little while to decide how I wanted to respond but I decided to just throw it out there and see what he said.  I tried to make a joke out of it by saying that some people might think we were a bit incestuous in our love for each other.  I sort of freaked out wondering what he was going to say.  He then said that we have always had this connection that went beyond a cute cousin and when I agreed it was like the flood gates opened. 

Both of us expressed how we had been holding in these feelings for so long because we thought that we could never do anything about them and weren't sure if the other felt the same way.  We talked about childhood memories and how we were both feeling the same thing but never knew.  We talked for hours and it was amazing because it was like this weight was lifted off of both our shoulders.  We had hidden it for 17 years.  We decided that I would finally make that visit.  I found a ticket and booked my flight and there was no turning back.  My dad was questionable about why I was going to visit him but I just played it off as wanting to visit my cousin that I hadn't seen in 10 years.  The trip wasn't for another month so until then we talked every day.  We talked about everything.  What we had been doing the last 10 years.  All of the things that we had always wanted to say to each other but couldn't before.  How nervous we were to see each other after so long especially now that our feelings were out in the open. 

The flight was nerve racking.  When I got off the plane I had to wait for my bag but he could see me from where he was.  He texted me and I looked up and then I was really nervous.  I didn't know how we were going to greet each other or how we were going to go from cousins to an actual couple.  When I walked out he was waiting for me with flowers.  I was on the phone with my dad telling him that I had landed safely and so all we did was hug.  When we got to his car he put my bag in the trunk and then turned towards me.  I wanted to kiss him so badly but I was freaking out.  He pulled me close and cupped my face in his hands and kissed me and it was like everything fell into place.  Like my whole life I was only half of whole and I was finally complete. 

On the drive to his house we couldn

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Thanks for sharing your detailed story.  Sad to hear you want to be together but can't. Would it be helpful to write down some goals you both feel needed to get back together ???  Working together towards these goals might be helpful.

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Yes we have tried that.  It just seems like every time we are on our way to making progress something happens to set us back.

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