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Guest LoopyLea

My cousin kissed me a while ago and now we don't speak :/

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Hiya,

      Well he's my first cousin and funnily enough from being a little girl I'd always found him attractive, it's weird that this happened as he'd never shown any interest in me at all. So it must have been about 2-3 years ago, it was Christmas time, I think it might have been Boxing Day and he was here with his family, we don't see him often as his job involves him travelling alot of the time, so I was over the moon when he turned up for our get together. Everyone began drinking, we went down our local, it was brilliant, such a happy atmosphere, everyone had started playing pool and I had a game against him, he was laughing at me because I'm so bad at it he kept trying to show me what to do but I kept messing it up :') so silly, anyways later on we went back to my house with a few friends and our families and we were all being daft, like some of the girls were trying to do handstands, I went to do one and he pushed me over, but he caught me before I hit the floor, I remember pretending to be annoyed with him but really I found it funny. I remember that everyone had gone into the kitchen except for me and him, I was sat on the sofa and he was beside me. I'd been upset, I can't remember what I was upset about (probably drunken silliness!) but he'd gave me a cuddle and told me not to cry. He'd kissed me on the top of my head, and I'd looked up at him when he did that, he smiled at me and kissed my lips then, and suddenly before I knew it we were kissing passionately. I remember he pulled away from me saying that he didn't want them to wonder where we were and got up to go to the kitchen with everyone else, so I'd followed him. I stood next to him whilst everyone was saying goodbye and he put his arm around my waist, then he subtly felt my bum, but I panicked thinking everyone would see so i batted his hand away. He looked so hurt. Then he left with his family, I gave everyone a hug goodbye and I remember we waited until last so that we could have another sneaky kiss. The next day i woke up feeling guilty, but I couldn't face talking to him. I couldn't call or text him and was too scared to in any case. He never got in contact with me either and we haven't spoken since that day. I sometimes think about messaging him on facebook but every time i go to do it I get scared and start to panic thinking what if he hates me or is disgusted in me. I feel sick when I think about how guilty I feel. I'm so sorry for writing such a long post but I thought giving you the full story would maybe be helpful.

Please, if anyone can give me any advice on how to get back in touch with him, it would be much appreciated.

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LoopyLea,

It would depend on if both of you are unattached, and available first off. If you both are available, and, I'm going to assume, of age, then text him. Just something short, to let him know you were thinking of him, and wondering how he's been. You don't have to bring up "that" night, or anything that happened. In fact, until you determine his "availability" status, you really shouldn't mention it.

I'm going to also assume you've looked around the site here, and probably realize, (or should) that you really have nothing to be scared or guilty about. In mentioning Boxing Day, I'll also assume you (and him too) are from Canada. As a mod, I can have a peek, to check, but, I really don't have time to do so right now. At any rate, in Canada, it is perfectly legal to pursue a relationship with your cousin, up to and including marriage, if it should ever go to that level.

As for now, take it slow, just text him, with something simple, and see what happens. Start out with "Hey, how are you doing. You just popped in my head, and I thought I'd drop you a line to check on you." If he's available, he may bring the topic up as your conversations progress, (if they progress) and save you the trouble of bringing it up. By the same token, he may have also sobered up the next morning, had the exact same feelings as you, decided to not let it get complicated or awkward, and avoided you, like you have him, for all the same reasons. Until you break the ice, and contact him, you'll never know. If the conversation goes good, you progress to talking on the phone. It's harder, but better, (short of actual face time) to hear it than just read it. You don't have to bring the past up, but maybe ask when he's going to be in town again, and mention that you'd like to have a little of that face time, because you miss seeing him. The truth, isn't it? It isn't too forward to say something along those lines, but, it does leave him room to agree.

What will you do if you find out he feels the same way? Do you feel strongly enough about him to get over the "cousin" factor, and consider a relationship of some sort? And what of all of this travel he does? Is an ongoing LDR going to be an issue for you? Can you settle for seeing him when you can?

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Why do you feel guilty? Cousin relationships have been perfectly  normal since the beginning of time - It's only recently we've decided that they are wrong/bad (for some stupid reasons & made up facts). The majority of people who have a problem with them either have never actually done any research or have known someone who was in an unhealthy one ( e.g. An adult taking advantage of an adolescent)

That said, he could be not talking to you for a few reasons...

A) He genuinely likes you & thinks that you are uninterested because of being cousins.

B) He genuinely likes you & thinks you just aren't interested in him.

C) He was drunk & isn't interested in you.

D) He is interested in you but is embarrassed of being attracted to you because you're his cousin.

Why are you so nervous to contact him? What is the worst that could possibly happen? He says Look I'm really sorry but I was drunk & meant nothing by it - you're my cousin.

So what have you lost? Nothing because you don't even speak now.

But what if he really does like you? Think of what you could be missing out on! :)

How do you contact him? Just do it! lol Maybe send him a picture of something silly you know he'd like with a note saying 'Hey stranger, I know we haven't spoken in forever but I saw this & thought of you. How have you been?'

"He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life"

-Muhammad Ali

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