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Guest Andy

Did anyone here change their mind?

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Did anyone here initially decide against dating a cousin who indicated his/her interest in you, but you later changed your mind and subsequently had a romance with him/her? If so, what made you realise that being cousins was no barrier to enjoying a romance with him/her?

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Although my cousin and I have had feelings for each other for years (decades), it wasn't until 5 years ago that he made the first 'move' on me.  At the time I was stuck in the 'it's wrong to have romantic feelings for your cousin' mode and I backed away from him for a time.  Nearly 3 months ago we rekindled our romance and it's been a great journey thus far.  For me, I simply decided that I was not going to turn down an opportunity to experience what may become the true love of my life.  I'm too old to live for other people's expectations and it's time for me to grab some happiness. 

My cousin and I both went through marriage and divorce and now is the time for us to explore what could be between us.

Like a parent who hides a beautifully wrapped present in the closet for her child until the child is ready to receive the gift, I feel like God has been saving a beautifully wrapped gift for me - this man, my cousin - and God is telling me that now I am ready to receive the blessings of this relationship.

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Like a parent who hides a beautifully wrapped present in the closet for her child until the child is ready to receive the gift, I feel like God has been saving a beautifully wrapped gift for me - this man, my cousin - and God is telling me that now I am ready to receive the blessings of this relationship.

Why do you need to associate any of this with god? What about all the cousin relationships similar to yours that failed and didn't receive any such blessings, what makes you think yours is more special that it would be an act of god? It's actually pretty arrogant to think this.

Honestly I liked your post until you had to bring god into the picture. Instead of thanking god for this happening, it makes more sense to thank your cousin for feeling the way he does...god did not make him think the way he does.

Anyway I'm interested to know any other such stories. Myself, I'm pretty open minded...if I ever felt like it was wrong to date a cousin, it would have been when I was very young.

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I believe in God, gryan.  God's blessings have not always been evident in my life.  This time, I don't know why, I have been blessed.  Arrogant?  Far from it!  I am humbled in the presence of my God for my lack of faith over the course of a lifetime.  Trust me, I've felt like you on many occasions. The only difference is that I was a bit more polite and discreet in discussing this issue with others.

You are always welcome to message me and we can have a dialogue about this issue.

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If Serendipity feels that it is God playing a part in her and her cousin getting together that is her right.

If you don't believe in God that is your right also.

But to question someones belief in God is not your right. At least on this forum.

This site isn't promoted as a Christian site, but the Admins and mods all have a deep belief

in God and the founder and one of the mods are theology students.  So, you are welcome here,

post what you feel is right for you, but please don't question anyone's belief and how they feel about

their relationship with their cousin and how or "who" had a hand in it.

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Romalee is a moderator on this site and so am I - if you have a problem with someone having beliefs other than yours - don't bother us with it!

You seem to like to disagree with others - not a good idea with now TWO moderators telling you that you are not behaving kindly to others. 

I recommend a book all the time:  NASTY PEOPLE:  HOW TO STOP BEING HURT BY THEM WITHOUT STOOPING TO THEIR LEVEL by Dr. Jay Carter.  It is about people who try to control others.  I think you are trying to control our behaviors.  I recommend that you step back and think about what you are doing before I banish you.

You are posting harshly, so I am responding the same way.  I think you are very young and I am willing to allow you time to grow up - but not much.

Good luck!

Nat

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And as a final word on the subject, gryan, for someone who claims to be open minded, you are quite closed minded to this topic. 

And truth be told, you have no grounds to disagree with me on my faith.  Faith is faith; disbelief is disbelief.  What I have experienced in this life is what I have experienced.  No one has all the answers to the reasons "Why".  We could go rounds and rounds on this topic, or we can choose to accept one another for where each of us are in life.  My experiences in this new relationship and my interpretation of these events may make absolutely no sense to you, but I guarantee that there are others who understand perfectly what I am saying. 

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Gryan - You used the classic switch-a-rooney here "I didn't know we aren't allowed to disagree with anyone in this forum." Listen up kiddo, nobody stopped you from disagreeing, but you see, you were trying to stop her from voicing her belief/religion. That's way passed the point of disagreeing. You were taking it to a whole new level with ordering & commanding her (I too have my way with words) to not mention God. We all can belief in whatever we want, no one gives you the right to tell others what to believe in. & whats that about you being open minded?, come on man, your mind is as open as a closed can of soup.

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Thanks Drew.

At least now he knows it isn't only mods telling him

he was off base with his "demands".

We have never said there is no room for disagreeing here. Just not bashing.

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Hi...Im new to this site and browsing....just wanted to say, did everyone forget about poor Andy's question??? just sayin... :wink:

Yes Andy I did just that, when my cousin first approached me with his feelings about me, and expressed he had been in love with me for years I was taken aback because I had never looked at our relationship like that.

But once that door had been opened it's like my eyes were also opened and I saw him in a different light. One of the things I had always said to my best friends was "I wish I could find a man just like my cousins" because the men in my family are extradordinary people. I never thought the man I would fall deeply in love with would be my cousin but I have.

So to answer your question for me the thing that made me realize that our cousin relationship should not be a barrier to a romantic relationship was when I looked at the integrity, beliefs, compassion, strength of the man standing in front of me professing his love. Sharing a life with him far out weighs the stigma we will face if our family finds out.

We are both in our 50's and the thought of not spending the rest of my life with him breaks my heart. We dont know if we will ever be able to tell our family, we dont think they will ever understand. We know it will be a life of hiding the truth from those we love most, but cant imagine not being together.

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Searching,

I am so happy to hear that you have found a wonderful man!  Lemme just say that a secretive romance is no fun at all.  I was so worried about telling my family about my new romance, but once I did, I was pleasantly surprised at their reactions.  Sometimes family surprises us!

But even if my family did not accept this new relationship, there was no way in hell I was going to live a life of secrecy or give up what may become for me the true love of my life. 

You are too far along in life to worry about what others think.  If you are content that you are making a good choice for yourself, then live your life and enjoy your new romance.  And don't let anyone else's opinion make the decision for you.

Congratulations and enjoy the wonders of new love!!

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