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Rachel-Rae

Need to get this out there, share my story, any advice or support?

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Hi there,

My story is unique as is each on here. First of my first cousin and I are related maternally. My mother is his mothers sister. I am in my early 20s and he is mid 20s. Our relationship is legal where we live and neither of us feel wrong about any of it, infact the complete opposite. It feels so right.

We didn't grow up together, we have lived 2000km away from eachother all our lives and we maybe met twice before when we were much younger.

My mother passed away some years ago and when my life turmoiled I moved in my Aunt and Uncle. I met him and the connection was instant. We talk all the time, spend as much time together as possible and we like eachother very much. We still live an hours flight from eachother as he lives in the city about 6hours from his parents. In his hometown he has his father's family and those are whom he grew up with. Neither him or I ever met our grandparents, our genetically connected family do not meet up, ever.  We do have aunts and uncles and cousins still alive but they live in another country.

I am finding it hard because I feel as I have truly met my soulmate and I know he agrees. It is perfect. We are perfect. The thing is, his parents although they didn't know me all that well were kind enough to let me live with them and support me before I got a job. I appreciate all of their kindness and how welcoming they have been, I do not want to lose their respect if they were to find out and I do not want them to feel as though I have come here and made trouble. I don't want to cause a family fallout. I feel one person may work with it and eventually grow to understand the situation but the rest will not.

We have discussed always being close no matter what happens but that also comes in context with when we get other partners.

I don't know if it would ever come to us deciding to tell everyone or if it would be a secret forever. I am planning on moving to the city at the end of the year and I suppose I will take things from there.

Am I just putting my heart too far into something that can never be? I don't want him to lose his family over this.

Thanks for listening! :)

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Rachel-Rae,

If neither of you feel wrong about it, and it is perfectly legal where you are, go for it, and don't let anybody talk you out of it. If it were me, his mother's opinion would be the only one I would be concerned with. Because, really, what skin is it off of his Dad or anyone in his Dad's family?

If you truly are soulmates, don't even consider the possibility of other partners. You will be asking for temptation and trouble that will seem mild compared to any potential family drama.

I'm slightly confused. Do you still live with his parents, or in the same town/area? You will be moving to the city where he is, which is 6 hours from where his parents live? If so, follow your plan, and hearts. I see no real need to broadcast any particulars about your relationship. Take things as you would any normal relationship. If you are not comfortable, at least initially, being affectionate in front of family, then don't. But, be advised, it is VERY hard for people even 10 or more years your senior to hide such a relationship. It is virtually impossible for teens to do it. You two, being in your 20's, will fall somewhere between very hard and impossible. They will pick up on subtle hints. I don't recommend lying, but, I would recommend being discrete. It isn't their lives to live, or relationship to have. A simple "We enjoy spending our time together, so, that's what we do. If that makes us a "couple", then, I guess we're a couple. It isn't against the law, you know?" would be about as deep in it as I would go. Further questions would be met with "That seems like quite a forward question to ask" or something such as that. Of course, I'm usually a little more crude when asked nosy questions. I suppose that's why I don't get asked nosy questions much. Generally, my family doesn't ask nosy questions because they aren't sure they really want to know the answers. Mom quit prying LONG ago. I've broke the rest of them from asking. I think that in the grand scheme of things, you may have some drama, but, if you set your Aunt down for a nice heart to heart talk when and if this comes up, she'll come around. You simply tell her what you've told us. Tell her how much you appreciate all that they've done for you, that you don't want to loose their respect, and that you don't want her to think you came into it to cause trouble. Tell her that it's just a matter of sometimes not being able to choose who you fall in love with, and who your soulmate is. Sometimes it comes right out of the blue, it just feels so right, and you go with it. You may as well tell her that your only intention is to make her son happy for as long as you possibly can, too. Mom's have a tendency to place their son's happiness fairly high on their wish list.....

Until it becomes an issue though, I wouldn't let it be an issue between the two of you. Even if some of the family does "disown" you two, it ISN'T the end of the world. There are members here, who've been "disowned" by some in their families, and have managed to do quite well for themselves. It is only the ones who disowned them who have had the loss. Adults leave the nest, and live their own lives. Many times, family does not agree with their choices. Most times, as I'm willing to bet would be the case in your case, they get over it, or at least get use to it. Take things slowly, keep it more on the down low if that's where your comfort level is, until your confidence grows to the point you fell more comfortable being ever so increasingly open. In your 20's, you've got plenty of time to work with, trust me, time is on your side.

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