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Guest Mr Afterimage

One-sided love for her

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Having feelings for someone relatively close to you by blood is truly prohibited here in our country and culture. She's my first cousin and ever since we were kids, there's this special treatment I show her among my other cousins.  She left the country but now she returned for a vacation. I missed her so much, she told me that she missed me too, but obviously in a "family-kind-of-way." I have a crush on her when we were younger and now I think the spark is coming back. She's so sweet, caring, talented and beautiful to the point that I wish she was not my cousin because I know that she's the type of girl I could ever dream of. Since it's their "once in a blue moon" vacation before departing again not knowing when they'll come back again, we're enjoying their vacation by going to places in order to make their stay worthwhile. We're close but I'm not probably her most favorite cousin among all of us but it seems that the more I see her happy, my feelings for her develops further. The more it develops, the more agonizing it gets with the mindset that she's still my first cousin in a family and culture where this kind of thing doesn't belong. I see her act everyday and she's just the type of girl I want to be with someday. I don't know what to do. NOW THIS IS WHERE IT GETS STUPID, I'm 18 and she's 17. I'm in pain having feelings for her at the WRONG TIME AND PLACE. I don't want anyone from my family to know cause I'm scared shitless for such a disgraceful act(it's a taboo for them). Probably it's just an immature kind of attraction but there's something about her that really makes me happy despite of what I'm anxiously feeling right now. I just want to cut the rope and keep moving forward but it's hard cause she's just what I'm looking for. I need help. I wish I'm not the only one who has the exact same shit. Thank you for your time.

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You are not alone I experienced a one sided love for my cousin.

Thanks.. I wanna know what happened to you. Is it okay if you share something, it'll help me alot. Well, that is if it's fine. Thanks :)
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NOTE: Personally, I'm the only who knows about my feelings for her. Not her, not my parents, not anyone from my family. Well, technically speaking ;)

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