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Guest consanguineousconfusion

Should I Share My Feelings With My Cousin if She's In a Relationship?

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Guest consanguineousconfusion

So, I've had feelings for my second cousin since I was 12 and she was 11, but I've never told her because her and I already have a fairly close relationship for cousins who are separated by three states, and also because I thought it was sick and wrong and made me weird (until, of course, I found this website, which totally changed my opinion of cousin love, and myself as well)

Anyway, I was planning on sharing my feelings with her when I felt the time was right, but then something totally unexpected happened.

The other night, her and I were talking via Facebook chat and she totally blindsides me... "Well, I found a boyfriend," she tells me.

I was devastated. All the what-ifs started to scroll through my mind: "What if they stay together for a long time?" "What if they get married?" "What if the right time never comes?"

And this couldn't have happened at a worse time as I just graduated from school, and moved to a new area and have no job or no other friends to distract me from her anymore (at least not yet), and I feel as if I've got a huge secret that's eating away at me and I'm forced to take it to the grave.

Anyway, does anyone here have any suggestions as to what I should say/do? Any insight from fellow cousin-lovers will be much appreciated.

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If you do nothing...then nothing will change.  While there is risk of rejection, there's also something good that may come from it.

If it were me, I'd take a moment to consider my words, then talk with her...putting all my cards on the table.  If she did not reciprocate the feelings, I'd let her know that I appreciate her listening and also how much I value her friendship.

Wishing you the best in your decision.

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I agree with Closetomydream in terms of talking with her and telling her how you feel. You've been holding those feelings inside for a long while, and the boyfriend she found is relatively new, so you won't be doing much to her and her new beau since the foundation of the relationship isn't quite there yet I would assume.

I can tell you from personal experience that I've been in her shoes, and I was with someone when my cousin approached me and showed his feelings. It was the best experience of my life, and I left my boyfriend promptly thereafter. Despite my cousin and I having separate issues later on and are currently not together, I hope to win him over...all because he took that first step (while I was with someone). He had the same concerns you did, and because I secretly shared those feelings, it worked out. However, only you can judge if you think she will respond positively.

As with anything, you know there could be risks associated with opening up completely. If she doesn't return those feelings, there is a chance your relationship could be strained as a result of your "confession".

Still, gently easing into that conversation is always an option to gauge where she stands.

I hope everything works out, and be sure to update us!

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