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godlaughsatme

On the verge of a break down PLEASE HELP ME

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okay so I'm 19 , fresh out of highschool and my girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. we love each other like .. we're madly in love. I don't want to be with any other person in this world ... but yesterday my mom tells me that we have (her last name) in our family .. and then she starts naming family members of my girlfriends that I've never mentioned to her before ... so my heart falls into my stomach and my stomach is literally falling out of my ass at this point and so I call my grandad and he confirms that me and my girlfriend are 3rd cousins ...

my heart is broken , bc I know my girlfriend she won't want to be with me after I tell her the news...so I'm debating on whether or not I should tell her or if I should act like I never even found out because my feelings for her has not changed ... I still see her the same way .. but I know she's going to freak out and our relationship is over.. someone please help me ... I love her and i don't want to lose her

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First, take time to breathe and be calm...worrying about something that may not happen, isn't doing anything. In this world, being distant cousins in a relationship is quite common. Understand if you had children, there are no added risks of birth defect.  There's a lot of resourceful information on this site...take time to digest it.

Next, while I'm sure grandpa is a wise man, take the time to, understand the kinship chart.  How are you related? 

Then with facts in hand, develop your plan to explain it to her.  Better you than someone else in the family. Always best to be open and honest...if she later finds out, it will be the "YOU knew?" converation.

Facts to also to consider, if you are in the US...it's okay to date your cousin and, to my knowledge, no State forbids second cousins (and beyond) from marriage.

When you are ready to discuss it with her, be calm, share your knowledge, allow her time to react, answer her questions.  If she is still uneasy, you could also share this site....then go from there.

There is no shame to be had.  No wrong has been done, so keep your gead up.

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First, take time to breathe and be calm...worrying about something that may not happen, isn't doing anything. In this world, being distant cousins in a relationship is quite common. Understand if you had children, there are no added risks of birth defect.  There's a lot of resourceful information on this site...take time to digest it.

Next, while I'm sure grandpa is a wise man, take the time to, understand the kinship chart.  How are you related? 

Then with facts in hand, develop your plan to explain it to her.  Better you than someone else in the family. Always best to be open and honest...if she later finds out, it will be the "YOU knew?" converation.

Facts to also to consider, if you are in the US...it's okay to date your cousin and, to my knowledge, no State forbids second cousins (and beyond) from marriage.

When you are ready to discuss it with her, be calm, share your knowledge, allow her time to react, answer her questions.  If she is still uneasy, you could also share this site....then go from there.

There is no shame to be had.  No wrong has been done, so keep your gead up.

I appreciate your feedback I'm going to go up to her school today and see her to tell her in person . she's in school 2hrs away and I feel like this is a conversation I ought to have with her face to face. I'm going through a billion emotions right now and a million things are rushing through my head and I don't know how to start off this conversation .... what should I say???

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godlaughsatme,

Oh Lord son, DO calm down. Have you considered that she may have the same attitude, and HER feelings won't change for you? If you are third cousins, I'm almost willing to bet this isn't as unusual as you think. I know a handful of third cousins, but the rest of them could walk up and chat me up for an hour, and I wouldn't know the difference. It would probably take longer than that, and getting to know them a LOT better, (kinda like you two) before the connection would ever be made. You don't share enough DNA that far down the old family tree for it to even register.

I'd just say something like "You know, I think I may have found out why we are so compatible and are crazy in love. We actually share a little blood somewhere a ways down the line. My Grandpa says we're something like third cousins or so somehow. And you know what? I couldn't care less. It doesn't change how I feel about you one little bit. In fact, it may even deepen my feelings, knowing we have yet another unique connection."

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godlaughsatme,

Oh Lord son, DO calm down. Have you considered that she may have the same attitude, and HER feelings won't change for you? If you are third cousins, I'm almost willing to bet this isn't as unusual as you think. I know a handful of third cousins, but the rest of them could walk up and chat me up for an hour, and I wouldn't know the difference. It would probably take longer than that, and getting to know them a LOT better, (kinda like you two) before the connection would ever be made. You don't share enough DNA that far down the old family tree for it to even register.

I'd just say something like "You know, I think I may have found out why we are so compatible and are crazy in love. We actually share a little blood somewhere a ways down the line. My Grandpa says we're something like third cousins or so somehow. And you know what? I couldn't care less. It doesn't change how I feel about you one little bit. In fact, it may even deepen my feelings, knowing we have yet another unique connection."

i wish it would have gone that smoothly, but I just ended up crying ... because see , we're both females ..our families don't like the fact that we are in a same sex relationship not

to mention that now we're RELATED. I cried and cried and cried because it's hard enough being lesbian in my family and now ... sigh I appreciate all of this feedback honestly ...

when I told her she was dumbfounded and she called basically everyone in the family so now everyone knows who I am to her romantically and biologically . this is like some lifetime shit right here man

she told me she loved me and she wants to be with me but she's battling with what the "right" choice is .... she kissed me multiple times after I told her and so it must not have freaked her out that bad I mean nothing feels any different to me ..

I guess I'm just waiting on her response .. the anxiety has me restless

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