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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest Sunny

My Parents Are Cousins and....

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Hi! I have been browsing this site for a couple of weeks now...I really love it!

I just thought that this is pretty much the only place where I can get any feedback about my specific situation. Thank you very much for taking the time to read my post.  :smiley:

So, as someone said somewhere on this site, first cousin marriages are somewhat common in other cultures. For example in China, marriage to your mothers sisters daughter is considered ok (which is the way my parents are related).

The thing is, its a common belief in the family that children of cousin marriages should not marry even way far off relatives, let alone first cousins. The specific problems that may arise with that kind of marriage are not generally talked of, its just implicit.... there may be vague complications with children, too much similar blood etc. And another problem is that since we live in the U.S. many of my friends etc think its weird as its kinda socially stigmatized (as you all know).

You can guess where this is going.....I have strong feelings for my first cousin (my fathers brothers son at that). He lives really far from me but we see eachother some summers when the families get together. I always had weird feelings around him but during a recent trip is when it hit me. When the holidays were over I still couldnt get him out of my head. Its like a continuous buzz in your head from the moment you wake up....even in your dreams. After he left we chatted a lot on aim but then he just dissappeared and doesnt come online anymore and still I cant get rid of the thought of him. I'm not really sure if he even thinks about me in this way....sometimes I think so and sometimes a think I am just deluding myself.

So, do you think that this cant go anywhere since my parents are cousins? Arrrg...should I even be asking this question since I have no idea how he feels...should just try to forget him and move on?? Woah, this is pretty long so I'll stop typing now...

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my first thought.... there IS a slightly more elevated risk after generations of cousin marriage, but this is typically seen in societies where it has literally been a tradition for multiple generations... i seriously doubt your risk is much higher than any other cousin marriage after just one generation. but a genetic counselor could assess your risk based on family medical history (both sides) and possibly genetic tests if anything in the medical history gives cause for concern.

second thought... i'm having a little more difficulty with this one. i'm not sure i can wrap my head around it. but i'm thinking that since your mother and father are related on your mother's side of the family, and you and your cousin are related on your father's side of the family, the whole generational cousin marriage thing probably doesn't even apply to you. i mean, it might, but i'm not sure. and if it does, i would think it would be less applicable than if you were in love with a maternal cousin.

maybe someone with better math skills could answer that one.

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Hi Sunny! I love this site too!

My cousin is far away from me too (Iraq) and we used to talk in email, but we recently (as of like 3 weeks ago) stopped because, well, his mom said it was because he was too cheap to pay for the internet...I don't know though....My story is a little similar to yours...I think. Well, here is my story: http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,1434.msg14944.html#msg14944

So I am a little confused also. How is your cousin related to you? Like mine is related to me by his dad is my moms brother. Is your mom's mom related to your dad by blood or marriage or neither? Sorry, I am also confused like LadyC is....

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Hi again. Sunny, I tried to find your profile on here, but I couldn't click on your name. I was going to ask you,

How old are you? I ask, because I think I would be able to answer more if I knew how old you and he are. What is the age difference? Are you out of school yet? Do you have your story up on here somewhere?

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sunny isn't a registered member yet, which is why she has no profile.

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Lady C what you said made me feel a little bit better about my situation. Thank you for your thoughts! I also found some more information on the site that had to do with my situation (having parents who are cousins, and being in love with a cousin myself). Apparently Queen Margherita of Savoy married her first cousin Umberto I whose parents were also cousins. This was in a post entitled Pizza Margherita and Cousin Marriage.

panda1128, thanks for replying! So my parents are first cousins. Both my grandmothers are sisters. So my father married his first cousin who was his aunt's daughter.  I have feelings for my father's brother's son. So my paternal first cousin. Yeah, it gets confusing  :huh:

Also, I am 22 and my cousin is two years older. I havent become a registered member yet but the more I peruse the site the more I want to  :azn:

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Sunny,

If my math is correct you and your cousin are double second cousins. Your mother, father and Uncle are all first cousins. If you look at it from your maternal side, you would be second cousin to any children of your father(were he not your father) and his brother. Had your father married any other person, their child would also be your second cousin. Since your mother and father are married that is the double cousin part to your uncle's son.

-SH

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no, they aren't double first cousins. to be a double first cousin, her mom and his mom would have to be sisters AND her dad and his dad would have to be brothers.

sunny, you probably know that einstein was married to his first cousin, right? (and had brilliant children.) but did you know that einstein's parents were ALSO first cousins?

many famous families throughout history practiced cousin marriage through several generations. the royal families of england, scotland, and many other countries all did. and in america, the rockefeller and dupont families did for a long time, also.

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LadyC,

I have them as double 2nd cousins in my original post. Not sure if that is the right terminology but basically I was thinking Sunny is a 2nd cousin through both parents. Now that I read sunny's post again I think I am still off though. Sunny would be a 2nd cousin through her mother. Through the father is where it gets tricky. That would be a first cousin relationship right ? I'll have to chart that one out.

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Ok, I think I've got this straight. Sunny, you and your cousin are 1st cousins on your paternal line and 2nd cousins on your maternal line. That is to say that on your father's side you share a grandparent and on your mother's side you share a great grandparent. Someone correct me if I am wrong but I think in a case like this you go with the higher precedent and say they are first cousins. 2nd cousins share little if any genetic makeup so I wouldn't worry about that too much and treat the situation as if you are simply first cousins.

Gen1                Parents         

                          |             

Gen2      F1-----------------F2   

            |                          |   

Gen3      F1 ____1st___ M1-------M2

            |                    |          |

            ----------------            |

            *        |        *            |

Gen4      2nd    F1      1st_____ M1 <-- you and your cousin

            |____________________|

                                 

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SoHappy, you are correct, he is her second cousin through her mom because he is her mom's cousin's son and since he is also her dad's brother's son he is also her first cousin. That makes them cousins twice but not double cousins. If I'm correct, the closest kinship is the one that is dominant which makes him her first and second cousin with the first cousin being the one that "counts".

And if you want to get really confusing, technically since she is her mom's cousin's daughter and her dad's cousin's daughter, she is also her own second cousin twice (but not double)!

Years back, when I was a teenager, my aunt (on my dad's side) had a computer program that helped her make our family tree and she traced our roots all the way back to the 1600s. She installed it on our computer when she was done and I used to look at it for hours. I thought it was so interesting that you could click on anyone's name and it would tell you how you were related to them. One day I clicked on my name and then my dad's name and it said he was also my cousin! I then clicked on my name and my brother and sister's names and found out that they were my cousins and I was my own cousin too! I couldn't figure out how that was possible seeing as how my parents weren't cousins but I found it very interesting.

Now that I understand genealogy more, I wish I could go back and have another look at exactly how we were related (first or second and how many times removed) and to look for any relationship that might have been a cousin couple but that was a few computers ago and the program is long gone. I still think it's quite interesting to know that there where probably some more cousin couples in my family even if it was on my dad's side and I am with my 1C1R from my mom's side.

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Ok, I think I've got this straight. Sunny, you and your cousin are 1st cousins on your paternal line and 2nd cousins on your maternal line. That is to say that on your father's side you share a grandparent and on your mother's side you share a great grandparent. Someone correct me if I am wrong but I think in a case like this you go with the higher precedent and say they are first cousins. 2nd cousins share little if any genetic makeup so I wouldn't worry about that too much and treat the situation as if you are simply first cousins.

Gen1                Parents         

                          |             

Gen2      F1-----------------F2   

            |                          |   

Gen3      F1 ____1st___ M1-------M2

            |                    |          |

            ----------------            |

            *        |        *            |

Gen4      2nd    F1      1st_____ M1 <-- you and your cousin

            |____________________|

                                 

yep, that sounds right to me!

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Its still double cousins. You can't call it double first cousins or double second though. Double just means you're cousins on both sides of your lineage. You are second cousins with him on your mothers side because you have the same great grandparent. You are first cousins on your fathers side because you have the same grandparent. Which makes you double cousins technically.

Numerically speaking you share 12.5% of your DNA with a first cousin and 3% with a second cousin. You share 2-3% with everyone though so a second cousin relationship is really insignificant. I tried to work out the genetic probabilities for you but the overlap (you're related on both sides) makes it extremely complicated and I would have to find a range rather than an actual number. But let's say statistically, the three percent you share with him because he's your second cousin is completely different than  the 12% that you share because he's your first cousin (this is extremely unlikely - the two numbers should overlap at least somewhat) the most you two could share is 15.5%.

But again most likely the percents overlap and you are only ever so slightly over the normal 12.5% of normal first cousins. This is not something I would think would be significant. As Mistify pointed out, we are all cousins with each other - we all have overlapping geneologies! Hope that helps.

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Hi Sunny,

how are you?  :smiley: I hope it goes well with ur cousin who, from what I understand is your first cousin on your father's side and your 2nd cousin from your mom's side?

Cousin love is amazing... and as your parents are first cousins, they would understand how special cousin love is... and my thoughts are, see how it goes with this cousin of yours... :D

Life is short. Carpe diem.  If he loves you and you love him... then  :wink: it's what matters for now... and the rest are just details...

BB

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Wow, thank you very much all of you for taking the time to calculate my relatedness to my cousin! That family tree is especially cool SoHappy!!

After a couple of busy weeks I checked the posting again and I was so surprised at the responses! Thank you again.

bearbear, I am doing well, thanks for asking. I have not had any contact with my cousin...but the other day he came back online. I didnt message him or anything yet...I dont want to seem to...eager?... I don't know how he feels about me at all....he might just think of me as his cousin and thats it.... but anyway, its inordinately nice to see his username.

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Hi Sunny  :grin:

I'm glad to hear that you are well. I wish you the best with your cousin love...  :ok:  Hope that all goes well. When he went online... did he see you online? Did he get in touch with you?  :biggrin:

BB

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Same for me except i see my cousin mosly eavry week now bfefore every 3 days! umm help.

First theres not much but theres a slight increase i a child having some sort of reccesive gene disorder or maybe some sorta lung problemd (i. got asthma) maybe a bone problem. plus the background.

Second since you rarely see him just wait till the next tiem you see him/talk to him and test it out see if he lieks you. im startign to enter that phase.

so yeha hope i kindas helped

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Sunny, I am in the exact same position with the whole parents thing. My Dad and Mom are first cousins and I'm in love with MY first cousin as well. Just letting you know you are not alone, : )

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this is how it starts

  My great grandmothers are sisters  (Honey  and Brittney)

My paternal grandmother and maternal grandmother are cousins (Lilly goes to Honey, Edna goes to Brittney)

My father and mother are cousins  (Harold goes to Lilly, Wally goes to Edna)

                                          Then myself!!!

I just found out about 3 years ago and it has made my life a living mess!  Help  I have used fictitious  names. :embarrassed:

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confused in maine,

This thread is from several years back, but since you've "Lazarus'd" it, allow me to respond.

First off, STOP STRESSING OUT over this. Your GREAT grandmothers were sisters. Your grandparents are first cousins. Your parents are second cousins. Second cousins are only SLIGHTLY more related genetically than strangers. You seem to have turned out just fine. I'm in no way trying to be funny or mean either here, but I'm going to go ahead and assume that you only have one head, you only have ten fingers and ten toes, and have no horns or any other such obvious protrusions from your forehead. And, even if you DO, those conditions would have NOTHING to do with the fact that your parents are related, EVEN IF they were FIRST cousins instead of second cousins.

Now, go about living your life to the fullest, and realize that this is only ONE factor in making you the unique individual you are..... you are not weird, only just SLIGHTLY more unique than the average person.

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Also,

After posting that, if you would be so good, I have a couple questions for you, if you know the answers, and would care to share.

First, are your parents still alive, and together?

Second, did they get any grief out of the family back in the day when they got together?

And, a question solely toward your end. What happened 3 years or so ago that brought this to the fore, and caused you such stress? (If you don't mind my asking....)

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