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As you may have guessed from the subject line, my desperation has reached limits.

I would like to marry a guy who is in the same situation as me just to calm my mother down.

I haven't been able to think beyond my cousin since the last 11 years and i am madly in love, nonetheless hurting my mom is too difficult. I opened my heart out to her, but she has made this a life & death kind of situation. nothing else is working out and i have no way out.

so...however crazy this might be...if anyone is as desperate as me, and as helpless as well...please reply to me

Keeping my fingers crossed....................

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  • Moderator

Ok first things first. I have removed your email as that is one of the things we ask that you do

not post on the forums. Mostly for your own safety.  You can request to have someone send you a

personal message.

Second.  We see this situation posted more than you can imagine and it is not recommended

to search out and carry out such a plan.  It WILL  come back to  bite you.  If you have read enough threads

on this subject on the boards you will find more information.

If you are referring to a "life and death matter" as your mother threatening to kill herself if you don't carry out her wishes,

then you are being manipulated.  It is your life to live. You don't give enough information such as your ages and general location

for much more detailed advice. If you want to provide more general info maybe someone else with chime in with more insight.

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  • 2 weeks later...

no my mother is not threatening to kill herself, but her eyes look so dead...i heard her cry about it @ nite.

i feel...terrible.

i dnt know what went through my mind to want to even tell her this...it just looked like the most natural thing to do...thought would convince her. lol, how stupid of me!!!

i am 26yrs old, hindu girl, successful career.Cousin is popular lawyer madly i love with me since he was 16yrs old.

financially, moving out is no big dead for us.

But the country we live in- it would mean 'social suicide' for our families. so that option was actually never really an option.

i know that this post is stupid...but i am ready to go for a fake wedding.

as much as i love my mother, this is being impossible...to think that i will have to live with smone else, imagining smone laying his hands on me-its repugnant.

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How old is your cousin? If you are both consenting adults, after dealing with this myself, you have to worry about your own happiness and future. You don't tell your family for their aproval (I'm sure the odds are ridiculous if its even ever happened) you tell your family hoping they support you. If not then you move forward and marry him (assuming he is of age) and let them either be happy for you or keep their complaints to themselves. My family is just now being supportive ( within the last year) and actively involved in our lives after we "came out" 2 years ago. We've been together for 6 years. It will reach a point where either you decide to get your own happiness or sacrifice your happiness for their peace of mind. No loving family member would be that selfish and time heals all wounds.

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  • 1 month later...

I love a girl and cant live without her and so does she. We have many moments with each other which is impossible us to forget. I want to marry her. But here is a problem- she is my Father’s Father brother's Son daughter. Both of us Maternal and Paternal grandparent are different. And our parents are against our relation. Her parents are looking groom for her and may fix her marriage with him soon. I do not know what to do. No one is with me to whom I can ask for help or even share my pain. I am in deep depression now. I cant live without her. I cant imagine my life without her.

So I am asking to all of you is there any way to agree them? We are in relation from paternal side not from maternal side. This relation is permitted in many hindus? If you have any link or you know any where in shastra or vedas mentioned that this relation is not prohibited please provide it to me so that she could argue to her parents. please help us please.

Can you help me for fake marriage for family sake...

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  • Moderator

Ok, here goes folks.

I'm locking this thread. I'm leaving it up as a notice to anyone thinking the same thing this thread is asking for.

I, and by extension, the rest of the staff here, are not trying to be hateful about this. We understand FULLY the dilemma our members and guests in India have. You are not in a good situation at all. We understand your desperation. Desperate situations require desperate solutions. However, THESE FAKE MARRIAGES ARE NOT THE ANSWER. It will not work. We discourage this in the strongest of terms. Even if four of you could hook up and pull this off, sooner (probably) or later (for certain) the charade would be discovered. THEN, it will be four times the drama. Save yourselves the trouble.

I have what has become known as my "broken record speech to young members and guests". This is going to be my "broken record speech to our members and guests from India". I'm going to type this one time, and then copy/pasta the link in any such future threads just before THEY get locked.

#1) DO NOT OPENLY POST YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS. This will result in it being removed. It is for your protection. By posting your e-mail address, you open yourself to blackmail and spam. Just don't do it. We realize we cannot stop you from trying to connect for such a scheme, but you will do it through private messages, NOT openly through e-mail. If you persist, and post it again, and I see it, I'll hit you with the banhammer.

#2) The ONLY solution we recommend for you is to leave where you are for somewhere you can either legally marry, or live quietly in peace. You all almost always say something like "We cannot leave our family. They will surely die." NO, THEY WON'T. Well, everyone dies, but it won't be over this, unless they commit suicide over it, and TRUST ME, suicide is a personal choice. It is a result of ones mental illness. It is a careless, and if it were to happen, spiteful and hateful act by a mentally disturbed individual to shame you into being controlled. If they do, it is NOT your fault, it is their decision alone. I don't care if this sounds harsh, but, my opinion is if someone is so controlling as to do such a thing, more power to them. Here's the gun. Let the Darwin Effect roll.

#3) Legally, you CAN change your religion from Hindu to Christian or Muslim and marry in India. There is legal precedent, the case is mentioned in one of the India threads here. I don't have time or the inclination to go find it for you, but, it did go all the way through the courts there, and a couple who switched to Christianity married, and it was upheld by the courts. UNLESS YOU SINCERELY BELIEVE THE CHRISTIAN OR MUSLIM RELIGION, WE DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS EITHER. In our opinion, it is the same as a fake marriage. It's living a lie. To thine own self be true, and all of that. That said, the staff here is almost to the person of the Christian persuasion to one extent or another. If you do truly come to believe in Christianity, we would certainly welcome you to it, but, short of "all in" on it, don't do it. You'll be persecuted for that as well, and looking around the world at this point in time, I only see that getting worse as time goes on. Decide for yourselves, but know what you're getting into there as well. You could face violence and death for that decision as surly as being a cousin couple. If you are all in on it, you would be willing to face it. If not, then, not so much. Think very long and hard about such a choice.

#4) There is no such thing as "cousin brother" or "cousin sister" genetically. You are cousins, period. Unless of course, there were shenanigans between your parents that they aren't telling you about, and you are actually half-siblings, which possibility goes to the root of why there is such a cultural bias against especially parallel cousins. Unlike in the past, these days, I seriously doubt such fooling around happens to any extent. Cousin brother/cousin sister is a culturally invented notion, with fallout that goes to the heart of your dilemma. You need to get over these notions, and go strictly on the blood relation and genetics, which, by the way, is the same with cross or parallel cousins.

Now I'm going to go into my own personal beliefs as to how you should proceed.

#1) Save yourselves some drama, and put this on the WAY down low. Then, quietly prepare to leave. If you feel you must legally marry, if you are cross cousins, and not in the South India, (and don't ask me where the dividing line is, you know better than I) you will at the least have to go there. If you are there, you may have to move elsewhere in the South, and STAY THERE. Don't look back or go back.

#2) IMHO, the better solution, for cross or parallel cousins, is to quietly get passports and visas, arrange for work, and plan to leave India. For good. Don't look back, or go back. Being in the Asia/Pacific zone, I personally recommend Australia, but, as I understand it, they have tightened their immigration requirements. If it isn't quite as stringent, I would think New Zealand would be the next best choice. I'm not sure if being a former British colony, Great Britain is an easier option, but it's certainly something to look at, and cousin marriages are legal there as well. You can try the US, but, trust me when I tell you, our immigration policy is a total disaster right now. To try to do it legally is a years long nightmare. For the time being, to do it illegally it's "Oh yeah, come right on in". It's a topsy tervy mess. I don't advocate breaking the law, but hell, half the world is already doing it, and in your situation, I can at least sympathize more so than with most others. Just realize that if you do come here, some places it's legal, some places it isn't, and by and large, there is a cultural bias against it. Nowhere near as bad as India, but, it still exists, hence this web site.

#3) The best long term solution is to change the cultural way of looking at cousin couples in India. I realize you all don't have time to wait generations for that to happen, but, you have to start somewhere. If it were to be done right, the culture could change reasonably quickly. Although it is still a hotly debated and contentious issue, the general attitude on gay marriage has changed dramatically in just a very short number of years here in the US. For such a thing to happen with cousins in India, I would think someone famous AND well respected would have to lead the way. If, for example, a well respected member of the Gandhi family were to announce he is in love with his cousin, and intended to marry her, and just a few others of similar stature did the same, initially, it would be scandalous, but, if the scientific information were to be widely disseminated, and the history of just how the cultural bias came about, and that the bias is so outdated, a change of attitudes COULD happen. One thing the people of India have going for them is that they are among the most scientifically well educated people on the planet. Although the cultural bias is quite the hurdle, the actual science and genetics would be understood. The deniers of the science of the matter would be seen as members of the "Flat Earth Society". Short of that, it would take a very vocal, well organized, highly dedicated group of people to put in a lot of hard work, and endure seemingly endless abuse. If you have no stomach for that, then see #2 above.

So, with that, this thread is locked. There are other similar ones, and if they get "Lazurused", they'll get the same treatment. I'll assume the other mods and admins can, and may, unlock this long enough to comment, then lock it down again. Don't be surprised if others don't add to this.   

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