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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

      Be informed on better ways to stay safe on the web -- Source: Mozilla
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Strong attraction towards second cousin

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It has always been there, but in the past year it has been extremely blatant to me. I can't believe I'm even on here. My second cousin is quite older than me. However we are extremely alike in more ways than I wish to share. Before a couple days ago I pondered if it was mutual, but when being around him it felt completely cousin-y (family not romantic). It has never been romantic. But it had also never felt so, well cousin-y. We never talk. We are both shy. When I am around him, I feel so... how to phrase this without sounding cliche... I guess, drawn in or enticed. He and I for the past few years would exchange glances at gatherings that were, out of the ordinary. What I mean is that there is no reason to glance at each other, so why are we doing it? I know why I am. With our level of shyness, I am sure nothing will ever come of this. Hopefully this intense feeling will fade in time. It helps that we only ever see each other in a family-gathered setting, leaving no room for a "romantic vibe". Again, I can't believe I am even on here. I guess I need a place to physically admit this, and maybe get some acknowledgement from outer sources. It was kind of disappointing how 'family' the feel between us was, though as he was sharing things about himself and his perspectives, I realized even more how much we parallel one another, making the attraction deeper. We were both drinking with family and were left alone for a couple minutes. He did move over to an area that I was close to, but we both preoccupied the intense awkward silence with our phones, until finally his exit. I assume he sees me as a 'child' for lack of a better term, as the age gap is significant as I am freshly into my adulthood and he is a little less than double my age. Logically I can realize the odds are a needle in a hay stack that this could be reciprocated, but then I can't help to have this lingering feeling. Wow, now I feel quite odd that I have admitted so much, like confirming some repressed desire. Very uncomfortable and am over-sharing. I am nervous that he may stumble upon this, but then again the odds of that are- too, slim. Thank you for reading this and I am sorry for even saying all of this.

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well if he were to stumble upon it here, it would probably be because he was looking for the same assurance and outlet to express his feelings about you :)

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