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Moon Potato

Rejection and unrequited love.

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I come to you today like many others before who probably had nowhere else to turn to.

About a year and a half ago, I suddenly realized that I was completely and madly in love with my first cousin. It had been foreshadowed for many years before that, but it seems that the whole torrent of emotion burst forth at that very moment. During that span, it was magic when we'd see each other, although too infrequently. I have been in love before, and I know what it feels like, what it looks like. I saw it her eyes. She seemed enamored with me too. She'd admire my every act, no matter how mundane. We'd light up the whole room when we'd interact. In fact, I had to hold back a little afterwards, realizing that it's probably all too apparent to my family that sparks were flying between us.

Being a man who wears his emotions on his sleeve, I decided to take action three months ago. I told her that I loved her. More than I've ever loved anyone in my life. Her reply was simply "it's weird". She proceeded to completely block me from her life. Cutting all contact, leaving effectively no way for me to reach her.

Needless to say, I was, and still am beside myself. Three months later, and I still feel all the pain, the anger, the dejection. I question my entire belief system, since if I was so wrong about something that I was 100% sure about, how could I be right about anything?

I feel like a caged animal, frantically rattling every bar, trying to find a solution, find a way. But there is no way to even talk to her. It's as if she no longer exists.

If any of you have been in a similar situation, how did it end? The only way I see this ending is in disaster. Love this strong, and this passionate cannot be forgotten. Pain this strong is almost impossible for me to forgive. My family is already starting to wonder why I haven't been the next city over in a while.

Despite all this, I still feel love for her as strong as I ever did, and I cling to hope like a beggar clings to his last nickel. Is this hope justified, or am I simply a man who's finally succumbed to madness?

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Moon Potato,

While my situation isn't EXACTLY like yours, I do know about being estranged from the cousin.

Me and mine had what we call our little "moment" a little over 3 decades ago. I know about weird. We let it get weird. (read awkward) We walked away from the whole affair, and it was awkward, for 30 years. We were all but totally out of contact with each other for that time. We saw each other on very rare occasions at a family function of some sort, and she was at one of our class reunions, I forget which one exactly, probably our 20th. We would speak, but never of us. It happened, we didn't regret it, we just didn't go for it. It wasn't that it was so weird for us, but in her mind, it was so weird to the world, that she didn't want to deal with the possible drama. And, I didn't push her. We just walked away from it. Family wouldn't have been an issue. We were born a week to the day apart. We'd met. They knew how close we were.

About 5 years ago or so, we got back in touch. Not close contact, but, in touch. About 3 years ago, we spent a good amount of time together. One night, we had a nice little set down, and aired it all out. Along about that time, she started traveling for work. When she's home, her kids and grandkids keep her plate overflowing until it's time for her to go out again. She was home here a while back for 3 weeks to a month or so, and we never got the chance to speak. She detests the phone, and even texting, so, I really wasn't surprised. She usually stops in the night before she goes back on the road, but this time, I didn't hear from her. So, she'll get in touch when she wants to, or has time. She's got my number and FB. Being incommunicado was SOP for so long, it isn't really all that out of the ordinary.

There's no real need for your situation to end in disaster. The ball is in her court. She knows how you feel. Give it time. You may have to give it a LOT of time. She very well may feel the same way as you, but has bought into all the pablum that is the stereotype and taboo nature of it. I would not go out of my way to avoid her, but I wouldn't go out of my way trying to contact her either. If there is a family function, go, be cordial to her, be civil to her, and DON'T wear this on your sleeve. Don't bring it up again. Let her digest it for a while. She may never change her mind, but, there's probably nothing you can do that will cause her to change it. There's plenty you can do to screw up any chance of her ever changing her mind, and make matters worse. Just act naturally, and don't push. She'll miss you. She probably already does, she just can't figure out how to wrap her head around the whole thing. If you weren't family, she'd friendzone you, but, that's a little difficult to do to family, now isn't it?

In the mean while, get out of the house. Get out and about, and don't dwell on it. You may think she is the best woman in the world for you, but you may just be wrong. I'm seeing a wonderful woman right now. I knew there were such good natured, even tempered women out there, I just didn't see any of them like that giving ME the time of day. Well, guess what? One did. Cuz is one, but, we'll never be together. Much too much water under the bridge now, at the age we are. There are things Cuz and I would have had issues over. Deal-breakers? Probably not, but issues none the less. With this gal, nah. There are a couple things here and there that have cropped up, but it has never lead to raised voices. I'm still in the process of getting use to a calm discussion of an issue as opposed to a screaming tantrum of BS. But, I'm getting use to it. Get out and get in the mix. You can find someone with the same traits that attract you to your cuz, if you're looking, and not hung up on Cuz. Just put it on the back burner for the time being, see the sights, and then be patient enough to see if Cuz does come around some day. While mine never will, yours might. If she sees that there aren't many guys like you around, she may reconsider. If she does, (and maybe even if she doesn't, and is just curious about the topic) what is she likely to do? GOOGLE, LOL. Guess what happens when she does? Near the top, if not the top, is THIS place. Right now there are two Google spiders gleaning information from this site, which adds to it's ranking. The knowledge and information is here. She wouldn't be the first one to stumble in here after a cousin has admitted an attraction, and, having reservations, and thinking "It's Weird", looked into it, if nothing else, out of curiosity. Fear and "weird" are based on a lack of knowledge. Knowledge and the truth will set you free. Maybe she'll find the truth, and maybe not. Just don't you hold your breath waiting on her to, or till she does.....

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I come to you today like many others before who probably had nowhere else to turn to.

About a year and a half ago, I suddenly realized that I was completely and madly in love with my first cousin. It had been foreshadowed for many years before that, but it seems that the whole torrent of emotion burst forth at that very moment. During that span, it was magic when we'd see each other, although too infrequently. I have been in love before, and I know what it feels like, what it looks like. I saw it her eyes. She seemed enamored with me too. She'd admire my every act, no matter how mundane. We'd light up the whole room when we'd interact. In fact, I had to hold back a little afterwards, realizing that it's probably all too apparent to my family that sparks were flying between us.

Being a man who wears his emotions on his sleeve, I decided to take action three months ago. I told her that I loved her. More than I've ever loved anyone in my life. Her reply was simply "it's weird". She proceeded to completely block me from her life. Cutting all contact, leaving effectively no way for me to reach her.

Needless to say, I was, and still am beside myself. Three months later, and I still feel all the pain, the anger, the dejection. I question my entire belief system, since if I was so wrong about something that I was 100% sure about, how could I be right about anything?

I feel like a caged animal, frantically rattling every bar, trying to find a solution, find a way. But there is no way to even talk to her. It's as if she no longer exists.

If any of you have been in a similar situation, how did it end? The only way I see this ending is in disaster. Love this strong, and this passionate cannot be forgotten. Pain this strong is almost impossible for me to forgive. My family is already starting to wonder why I haven't been the next city over in a while.

Despite all this, I still feel love for her as strong as I ever did, and I cling to hope like a beggar clings to his last nickel. Is this hope justified, or am I simply a man who's finally succumbed to madness?

i know how you feel ... except i think mine was worse than the whole... "its weird" response... the situation in my case was like a tangled web .

"Love this strong, and this passionate cannot be forgotten. Pain this strong is almost impossible for me to forgive." i know exactly what you mean ... and it seems to always be incestuous love that is this way this strong and feels so natural and powerful and right. nothing worse than having it turned away .... yes its very messed up and can drive you insane if the one person you care so much about cuts you out of their life. and i know... not only is it almost impossible to forgive but you may grow to hate them for it... conflicting when you love someone so much and hate them the same amount as well.

maybe you can try reaching her somehow... if for no other reason, i think closure might help the madness subside a bit.

hope this helps .

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