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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest confused in seattle

Drunk Sex

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I didn't think I'd ever be one to post on a forum like this but here goes.

I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half. I love him dearly and have never felt like he was not enough for me.

However, just a couple nights ago, my older first cousin and I were hanging out and partying. We both got pretty drunk and ended up cuddling, leading to (amazing) sex and some confessions that we'd been attracted to each other for a while. The next morning we shook hands and said that we would never do it again and... then we had sex again. My boyfriend randomly stopped by the apartment very quickly after this and my cousin headed out without hugging me or really having a moment to talk about our more sober transgressions.

Ugh. I am so confused and frustrated with myself. I really care about my close relationship with my cousin and my loving relationship with my boyfriend. Do any of you have advice on how to get over sexual relationships with cousin and be able to be just friends again?

Thanks--

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confused in seattle,

Not really. Took me and mine 30 years to get over the "awkward" of it. You may as well break it off with the BF though. Sooner or later it's liable to come out, and turn into a gigantic poostorm. Plus, it isn't really fair to him now, is it? Unless he's also a philanderer, he needs someone who isn't. That may seem a little harsh, but, as a guy, I'd want fidelity. It's something he's lost out of you. I know "sh*t happens", but that still don't make it wash for me. Probably wouldn't fly for him either.......

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well, this won't be a popular opinion, but here goes. well kept secrets are enticing. they are exciting and taboo and nearly impossible to resist. so if you want to go back to being cousins again, then the best way to do this is to expose the indiscretion. tell your boyfriend that you got drunk and made a stupid mistake and you want his forgiveness. yes, i know that's taking a huge risk that he will break up with you, but seriously... if he had cheated on you, wouldn't you want to be able to make the choice (to stay or leave) instead of being lied to? you describe your relationship with your boyfriend as loving. loving someone means being honest with them, even when it's risky. that's what trust is built on. and if he stays with you, then you can be confident that his love is the real deal.

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