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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest Chayce

Getting Married to my cousin, but what about name changes for our kids?

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 My cousin and I have been together for 6 years now. We have 2 beautiful children (3yo girl, 2yo boy). We "came out" to our family about 2 years ago and after a period of adjustment, they are supportive and love us and our children. We live in Texas though so the laws here have made us have to hide our relationship status. We were worried about the possible legal repercussions if we were to get married in this state, and also if I signed the birth certificate as the father of our children. So, regrettably, out of fear for my children's well being I did not sign the birth certificate. My question is how to go about having my children's last name changed to mine after we go to new mexico (where its legal)? And will we have anything to fear as far as legal or custody issues when we come back to Texas? My wife and I have been a member for years but have lost our sign in info so we will be very happy for any help and look forward to helping others.

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this is really something you should ask a family law attorney. it should be relatively easy to have their name changed. usually that just requires filling out a form and submitting it to the courts with the proper fee. or you may just need to go thru the steps to have your cousin legally adopt his own children once you are married. typically in either scenario i think you have to show evidence that there is no other parent whose consent would be required.

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I have no idea, but if you figure out the marriage part please tell me. I live in Texas as well, my cousin is from Iowa neither place can we get married.  We do not plan on having kids (we have 4 ttl with past marriages) We plan on going to Colorado to get married and not tell anyone here in Tx, no one will be the wiser.  We have no family here and my work does not know.... don't ask don't tell.  

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Thanks guys. Just to make sure LadyC would an attorney have to report us if I asked him specific questions? And Roy we got the marriage part figured out. New mexico is closer for us (we live in ft worth) so we are going there to get the certificate and then doing a reception/celebration here with friends and family

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no. anything you share with an attorney is privileged information. and since you aren't married here in the state of texas anyway, yet, what would there be to report? you're just going to be asking questions. in fact, you don't really even have to reveal your kinship to the attorney since the questions really are about how to change the children's name to be the same as what yours will be. don't worry so much.

by the way, i'm on the other side of the metroplex, in mckinney.

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Thanks and what a small world huh? I'm a little paranoid about it, I admit lol. Its just been scary at times. I know our relationship is considered illegal but I've always worried about how they could prosecute it ya know? The only way I ever saw was having my name on a birth certificate with the mother who is my cousin. We had CP's called on us shortly after we had our second kid (my dad did that) but we denied everything to CP's and they were actually cool and told us they didn't care about that they just wanted to check on the welfare of our kids. They of course are very healthy and even more spoiled lol. Its just the next step (marriage and birth certificate changes) is bringing up old paranoia from before we found this site. Our biggest fear was never telling people about us but that somehow someway someone would use that to take my kids.

      Anyways thanks a lot.

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i would caution you about keeping the secret, particularly from your children. they need to grow up knowing that you two are cousins, and they need to be taught that it's not something to be ashamed of. trust me on this. we've seen many people come to these boards as adults who learned the truth (about their parents being cousins), and it never ends well. they feel betrayed by their parents, they become angry and unforgiving, and they also have such a horrible sense of self worth, because they feel like they are such freaks that even their parents were ashamed of them. seriously, don't let your children grow up thinking it's wrong.

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