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LydiaMartin

Am I in love?

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My cousin and I had being separate for most of our lives. When we were both 12 years old I went to visit the family. It was the first time in so many years that I see him. We start hanging around so I develop feelings for him and I told h i m. I actually cant remember his reaction. I blame the feelings to my youth. It was a simple crush. So I went back to my home.

4 years later he ask me about those feelings. If I still felt the same. In that moment I didnt, so I said no. Never understand why he asked.

8 years later I visit him again. The way he looked at me. He wanted to spend time with me. The touch, the stares. Even the silence. Th feelings were coming back. I think it was more than a crush, and deep inside I think he feel the same. i don't know what to do. We live in differents countries. Im planning on moving where he lives, but the problem is. My parents are cousins too. And even though my family doesn't find weird cousins loving cousins. The may find it cause it would be second generation in a row on being in love.

I'm not too worry about them, but about what to do with these feelings. Do he really feel the same. Do I love him?

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LydiaMartin,

Only you two can answer that. If there is already the history of cousin couples in the family, you have one of the major hurdles most encounter cleared. Even though you would be second generation cousins as a couple, you don't mention that his parents are related. Only that yours are cousins. I assume the risks would go up slightly again, but I don't think that it would be an exponential increased risk. Provided there are no known genetic issues of the sort that are associated with cousin relationships existing in your family, the only other increased risk would be for the normal issues there would be for any other couple. For instance, if there is a tendency toward diabetes in the shared line, there would probably be an increased risk of it to your offspring. The same with, say, breast cancer, heart disease, or any of a host of other more common problems. Also, it would depend on how everyone is related. I'll assume one each of your parents are siblings. So, your other parent is a cousin to ONE of his parents. The genetics he receives from his non-related parent will however exponentially decrease the risk of the very uncommon ailments associated with cousin couples and their offspring.

Should the two of you decide to become a couple, and decide you wish to start a family, we here would recommend genetic counseling. It stands as one of our standard recommendations to folks who have these concerns. With you two being second generation cousins, I wouldn't be overly concerned, but that would be one concern to consider.

Remember too, that just as "bad" genes can crop up in such "line breeding" if you will, so too will "good" genes have the proclivity to come to the fore. After all, we are animals. In animal husbandry, such pairings as you are describing are quite common to tighten and strengthen desirable traits in a line. There will be the scheduled "out-cross", (such as your cousins' other parent) and then the line is tightened up again. (as with you two) Unless way back up the line, coming down to you two, there is substantial history of cousin couplings, I wouldn't be obsessively concerned about it.

If I were you, I believe I would set down with him, and find out if he feels the same as you. You may as well explain where you were with your feelings at 12, how they may have changed at 16, and how they have developed to what they are at this point. You have the long distance issue, but, if you're planning to move to where he is, you may as well find out now if this is going to have potential in the future....

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