• Announcements

    • KC

      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

      Be informed on better ways to stay safe on the web -- Source: Mozilla
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
Godstilllovesme

Just told the family...

This topic has had no activity within the past six months. It is recommended that you start a new topic instead of replying to old topics.

10 posts in this topic

Well, my second cousin & I have been dating for a year & a half now. I didn't know that he even existed until I was 16 & we met like any normal teenagers & instantly fell in love. A few weeks after we met, we found out that his grandfather (deceased) & my grandmother (alive) are brother/sister. I am now 20 & he is now 22 years old. We have been living together for 1 year now. His father, mother, sisters, & mother's family knows & approves of our relationship. My father (my parents are divorced & do not speak), his family, & my sister know about us & love him as my boyfriend. We have discussed getting married & knew that now had to be the time to tell my mom & grandmother. My grandmother thinks that it is absolutely disgusting & told me that "I will have mentally disabled children". Although my research says that we will NOT have disabled children, it really wasn't worth the fight. She also told me that he is NOT welcome at any family function & I need to forget about him & move on to "bigger & better things". I've made up my mind that I am not going to abandon the man of my dreams because of disapproval & a few nasty words.

I am reaching out to all of you for advice of coping with family members saying nasty things & not being present at our wedding.

Also, how to cope with our future children in whether to allow them to see the family members who told me that my children would be "mentally disabled".

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

as difficult as it is, you need to ignore the rantings of your grandmother. she'll get over it, really. especially when you have children that are perfectly normal and healthy. MOST objectionable relatives get over it when they realize they can't emotionally blackmail the happy couple into an unhappy split.

as for whether you should allow future children to see family members who once told you the kids would be disabled? let the past stay in the past. what will determine whether a relative should be allowed to be around your children is how they treat you and your children at that time. most likely, as i mentioned already, they'll get over that misconception soon enough, and will love your children as much as any other.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

oh, and congrats, by the way. how wonderful that most of the family is supportive! i hope you have the wedding (and marriage) of your dreams :)

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you all so so much for your support, it truly means the world to us. It just seems that the most prominent & level headed people in my family think that we are an absolute disgrace & are completely disgusting. Words definitely have hurt more than ever for this one :(

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

the only person you said had any objection was your grandmother... did your mom also object? in any case, preconceived notions are sometimes hard to dispel. it's just that initial knee-jerk reaction. it's an emotional response that comes from social taboo or fear or just shock. it will wear off. :)

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Because of my grandmother's reaction, I have not told my mother yet. I guess that's kind of bad but my heart can only take so much criticism at one time. My mother suspects a relationship but has never confronted me. My grandmother has an evil twin & the evil twin has evil in her heart & her offspring! Honestly, the most judge mental people I have ever met in my life. Anyways, I think it will just take time. I've always been the straight A student, homecoming queen, good at sports, high expectation child/grandchild, and the oldest grandchild. I feel like more of a disappointment than anything. It's absolutely a social taboo here being from the south AND being raised AND confirmed Catholic.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am married to my second cousin for over 11 years now. Granted we are  both

grandparents and no chance of having more children.

We are also from the south. Texas to be exact.

There will be those family members that will always have to be

negative and try to break up your relationship.  Your best defense

is to  show them how happy you two are together. Learn the facts

and don't be afraid to spout them. Direct them to this site if necessary.

Most will come around in time. If not it is their loss.

Let them know that they are always welcome to be a part of your life.

Best wishes.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i'm from texas, too. hey, if your mom suspects but has said nothing so far, chances are very good that she's not going to be infected with the evil-twinitis syndrome. judgmental people have a hard time keeping their opinions to themselves. they thrive on confrontation.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your content will need to be approved by a moderator

Guest
You are commenting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
Reply to this topic...

×   You have pasted content with formatting.   Remove formatting

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0