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Guest CompletelyAnonymous

Very confused

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Hello, I am CompletelyAnonymous.

As you can already guess from my nickname I don't like to have my personal details on this forum.

I am very confused and thought this forum is a good platform to share my confusion and hopefully clear some of my confusion. Furthermore, as I'm still learning English please understand that English is not my first language so there might be mistakes in this post.

A big part of my family lives in another country than me since I am a "halfblood". I don't really like to say which countries here but I can say in a private message (if that's allowed). Since I was 2 until I was 11 I used to go to my family over there almost every year or at least every 2 years. I used to have a really good connection with my cousin, that's what I see on the pictures and what we are told. I don't remember a lot of it but it's said that we were always very close especcialy when we were very little even though we didn't understand each other due to the language barrier. She was (and still is) 9 months older than me.

However, after I went to this country of my family when I was 11 there was a gap of 5 years not going. When I was 16 (she was 16 too) we went again and this is the first time I remember very clearly. This was also the first time we could talk with each other as we were both learning English. However I only saw her for 4 days and 3 nights but we talked a lot and we were very close and we stayed up during the night talking and talking. Even though it was only 4 days we were with each other we had a really difficult time saying goodbye.

The next part is this year, I am 17 now and she is too. I went to that country for 3 weeks and we stayed together for 2 weeks. All those days we stayed up during the night talking about practically everything. I even talked about a psychological problem I had which I only told my best friend, this means I really really trust my cousin. This problem is not related to love or whatever. She helped me with my problem after 3 nights talking and we were both so happy that we hugged and cuddled the whole night. We both just had this feeling of wanting to hug each other because my problem was solved now.

Now my confusion comes: the next night (we only had 4 days left) we felt this feeling of wanting to cuddle and hug each other again and we hugged the whole night again. And the next night too, the thing was that the first night this feeling was obviously linked with the relieve that my problem was gone. And the second night a bit too. But then the third night it was just because we liked cuddling and hugging and the link was almost gone. Both of us don't like hugging at all but we really loved this feeling and loved hugging each other this time. We were both puzzled as to what feeling this is.

There is another element to this story which is even more incomprehensible to me. I will explain this using what happened the last (4th) night. We were sleeping (all those days) in the room with my sister who also wason this journey to this country. Every night she slept early and we started talking and hugging very quitely. However, this last night she was very awake. So we figured we would wait until she slept. But for some reason we both fell asleep. Then in the middle of the night I woke up (which is very very unusual for me) and sort of instinctly I asked my cousin "are you asleep" and she said she just woke up as well. Then we went to cuddle and hug again the whole night.

The strange thing is this 2 weeks this had happened 4 times in total. Multiple times we woke up at the same time in the middle of the night and after the 2nd time already we were very puzzled how this was possible.

We just have so much in common, and we don't know what this feeling is we had. We told each other it kind of feels like love but more a sort of "family love" maybe. Nonetheless, we figured we wouldn't feel this anymore when me and my sister would go back to our home country.

When I came back last week me and my cousin started whatsapping showing all photos and talking about everything (just as all those nights). And at least once every 2 days both of us still have this feeling of wanting to hug and cuddle. Both of us really really want to know what this is.

Since I have no idea what to think of I made this post.

I really hope someone here has had the same and can tell me what I can do, or what this is. By the way this post is really long, I had never thought I could write this much. I hope someone has read it fully, if so I am already thankful.

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at the age of 17, you're beginning to feel emotions and yearnings that are perfectly normal. is it love? maybe. probably not, at least yet. but it could develop into love. even over long distances, these days romances can flourish because of all the technology. there's nothing wrong with feeling the attraction you're feeling. but you're also both very young, and have a lot of time to figure things out without rushing. i'll leave it to hawk to provide his wisdom on that subject.

for now though, just focus on life, school, family, faith, those kinds of things... as for your cousin, spend the next few years really building the solid base of friendship, and then see where it leads you. because without that solid foundation, any relationship you establish would fall apart.

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