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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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jennifer1233

Help, i think im in love with my cousin

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Okay so me and my cousin (lets say Mark) have been close since i was about 14 (im currently 17). we would always talk basically about everything but he lived in another country and we hadnt seen each other in like 2 years and when we would talk he would sometimes say that he wishes we werent cousins but okay so this summer i went to where he lived and we hung out a lot and partied a lot, he would take me out to eat and pay for my food as if it was a date but it was never that way. then one day. me and my friends and Marks friends were all at a party and we drank a lot and me and mark's best friend (lets say Robert) started kissing and from then on i kinda liked robert but the next party we threw robert wasnt there and we all got drunk especially Mark and we started making out a LOT and so i told him we cant do this so the next day he told me that at the party nothing whatsoever happened so im like duhhh lol. but then one day like a few weeks after that i got kind of drunk and started messaging him saying that i wish we werent cousins and he agreed that sometimes he wants to kiss me but hes scared to what ill do but i said it wouldnt matter so the next day we went to the river and he kissed me and from then on for like 2 weeks we would always go out but we would just kiss, never more, but he would always ask if anything else was ever going to happen but i always said no. but then he was about to leave for college and we threw a party but that day we did end up having sex because i wanted to thought. and i always talk to him and he always tells me his love and that he loves me but thats just a thing we do and then he told me one day that the only person he has ever loved was his gf (on and off gf of about a year and a half) but we always talk now and i feel like i want him to tell me something else. i dont know what to do. i feel like i want to tell him but oh hell nooooo. i just want to know wat exactly he feels for me. helpppppp !! (ps hes my second cousin and we are the same age, 17)

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you're second cousins? nothing immoral, illegal, or genetically risky about having a relationship with him. so the two of you need to look at this as if you were any other couple. unrelated. because for all intents and purposes, you are. it just happens that somewhere a few generations back, you happen to have a common ancestor. 

and EVERYBODY has a common ancestor with everybody else, it's just a matter of how many generations back. you are at that point of exactly how many generations back that it no longer makes any difference under any circumstance. (although it may still raise a few eyebrows.)

the biggest issue that the two of you face is your age. don't rush things. i'm going to stop here and wait for hawk to give his two cents, because he always knows exactly what to say.

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jennifer1233,

LadyC is correct. Second cousins are legal everywhere so far as we know of. But, that is all WAY out in front of where the two of you are now. For now, both of you concentrate on your schooling. You say he's off to college, but what of you? You need to get some sort of either degree, or these days, some sort of practical certification of some sort to get gainfully employed. Even though it is legal for the two of you to have whatever relationship you choose to have, that doesn't mean that uninformed family and friends can't or won't give you grief over it. Be in a position to be independent, and not beholden to people who may not agree with the relationship for your support.

Until then, put all of this on low heat. We usually say "on the back burner", but, you've already had sex once, which you've admitted you wanted, but still, until you both get independent, it would be a good idea to get the ground rules in place before you get back in the sack again. It will do neither of you any good for you to end up in, as I call it, "a motherly way" before you're ready to do so. Lots of drama would come from people who would possibly later, when you're older, and independent, be fine with that. But, at 17/18, nah, probably not. I'm not so naive as to think there will be no shenanigans, but, you would do well to limit them, and come clean to him about your feeling instead of " i feel like i want to tell him but oh hell nooooo." If you want him to tell you something more, you're going to have to tell him the truth. And, the truth out of him may be that he does love this GF, even though on a different level he loves you. That means taking your time and letting that situation play out as well. If he's off to college, and she isn't going to the same college, chances are better than average that that relationship will end. By the same token, if it ends now, and he's away at college, and you two start up something, chances are it won't last either. Do the college thing. Date others, but, stay close. Once you are 20ish (you'll always see me recommend 22ish or so) THEN step off into it a little deeper. Have the friendship firmly in place, the feelings all out in the open, and if at that time you are both still on board with it, go for it, and don't let anyone stop you.... 

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Sorry but cousin or not it seems he used you for sex.  He's told you he only loves his gf and I think you should listen.  Too often this site gets bogged down in the whole cousin thing instead of just looking at you two as regular people.

(No offense Hawk)

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Reckon that is because this is a site for COUSINCOUPLES!

Yes we are regular people but  our situations come about because of the cousin aspect.

Don't know why I am posting this as you are on your way out and probably won't see it anyway.

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