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Braden

I think I am falling for my cousin, but I can't see her again for awhile

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I am 18 years old, and she is two years younger than myself.

I recently flew across the country to visit all of my relatives on my dad's side. I have a lot of cousins, but they are all much older or younger than myself, except for her and one other.

I would see her maybe once every two summers ever since we were both little kids, and it was only this trip that we got a little closer. It was difficult to get alone time with her since there are so many relatives to see, but we managed to get some on one night.

I got to spend quality time with her and her younger brother (he is much younger than myself) and she and I talked for awhile and as a result, we know each other better. Her brother would venture off while she and I talked to each other about our high schools, our past dates, etc. She knows about my "experience" and I know about hers. We gave each other massages since she did not get to have one. Essentially, We interacted like any two people with some kind of tension would.

I just got back a couple of days ago from my visit, and now we can only text and snapchat. I don't want to text her every single day since that might bother her, but I miss her I want to talk to her more often. I plan on only texting her once every few weeks at the most, but I can't stop thinking about her.

I would only tell her about my feelings for her in person, so I won't be telling her I love her over any kind of digital medium, but how can I stop thinking about her so much and start focusing on college (I am going to school soon)? Any feedback is greatly appreciated.

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Braden,

Sorry it has taken me so long to reply. I'm on 10hr shifts right now, an hour away, so, it makes for basically at least 12 hr days, and much more when you consider I have to get up REAL early, esp. for a night owl like me. Anywho...

First off, as is my standard donation to the party, is, do what you have to, to focus on the schoolwork. Period.

Next. You two are young, her being a minor. I'm not going to take the time to have a little peek to see what State (or country for that matter, if you're outside the U.S.) you are in. Most have some sort of "Romeo/Juliet" provision in the law for young people who are in your situation, with one party being a minor, and the other of age, (usually if the parties involved are within 3- 5 years or so apart in age) to where you would not be charged with statutory violations varying from felonies to misdemeanors. (statutory rape/contributing to the delinquency, and such) However, some handful of States consider physical relations between cousins of ANY age to be incest, and at least a class 4 felony. Of course, such interaction is WAY out in front of where the two of you are at this point. But, I can assure you, there is the very strong possibility that one of these visits could have enough "alone time" for something to happen. These things between cousins are prone to become very intense, very quickly. An innocent massage can turn to adult interaction in a mere matter of moments. Especially if she has similar feelings toward you. 

Now, as to if she does have such an attraction, and, your obvious attraction, and how you are going to deal with it. You have the right ideas here. You do NOT want to blow up her phone. BIG turn-off. Whether you are or not, it makes you seem desperate, or worse, some sort of creeper. You wisely realize this, and have made the decision to not go there. Brilliant. Also smart on you, is, telling her of this attraction face to face. Mature. Well thought out, and good on you. But, in the meanwhile, allow me to give you a little food for thought that would be fine to do electronically, preferably by voice or Skype, something to that effect. Around here, we have what we call "the old tried and true 'If you weren't my cousin, _________' " line. Fill in the blank to fit your situation and particular conversation. Say you are on the phone, and it's one of these "tensiony" interactions. You say "You know, we get along so well, if you weren't my cousin, I'd ask you out/take you out/ask you to be my GF,....." whatever fits the mood and tone. It gives her the ambiguous ability to be candid, and you the ability to discreetly gauge her reaction. Her response determines your next words. If she says something to the effect of "Yeah, I know, it sux we're cousins don't it?", you know she has at least some similar feelings as you. From there, you dip your toes a little deeper, and maybe say "Actually, I don't really care that we are cousins, but, I ain't real sure if it's legal though...." and then kinda chuckle at yourself. It gets the wheels turning. If she has what we call the "ick" factor and says "Are you crazy, we ARE cousins", you have the out of saying "Uh, YEAH, I did say 'IF' you know. IF we weren't cousins...." And from there you back it off. You will have given her food for thought, even if she can't presently see herself accepting such a relationship. If you look around here, you'll see stories of members (male and female) who initially had such a reaction, but later, thought about it and warmed up to the idea. They thought "You know, Cuz IS a good person, obviously has some feelings of some sort for me, would more likely than the average Joe (or Jane) treat me well, considering we do have the blood ties, and maybe I CAN actually entertain the idea of this." Then, they type in "I think I like my cousin" or some such on Google, and PRESTO, now, THEY are here too....LOL

Now, lets go back to my "broken record" speech.

#1) FOCUS ON THE SCHOOLING. Tell her about school on the occasions you do talk to her. Strongly encourage her to continue her education/training in some manner as well. You both need to be in a position of independence if there's going to be any history in the making.

#2) Keep the physical in check when you do have face time. I'm not going to be some old fogy on you, and say NO physical interaction, because you already have some innocent "hands on" experience going on. But, it behooves you to keep your pants on. AT LEAST till she's of age, and you can determine you legal standing where you are, and where she is, whichever locale any such shenanigans go down in.

#3) Don't blow her phone up, but, stay in contact, stay close, and build a true friendship. Texting is fine for this part of it. But, NO DAMN SEXTING. Be very careful even with veiled innuendos. If perchance her parents or friends get ahold of her phone, and there are shenanigans on it, you could be looking at MAJOR drama, from people who may eventually be fine with it at some later date, when you two are both of age and independent. Don't do anything stupid to screw the pooch now. Put it on the back burner for now, and build a foundation to work with later. (see ^^^ "If you weren't my cousin,...." and all of that again)

#4) If you do all of these things, she is, or gets, on the same page, you both get independent, then you figure out whether where she is, or where you are holds the better opportunities, then you act on it. We generally recommend 20ish, and I personally recommend 22ish as a good age to step off in the waters. In your case, you would be 22, she would be 20, and at that point, you should have it figured out as to whether or not you want to go for it. If you do, go for it, and don't let anyone, (other than the legal ramifications/authorities) stop you. (In that case, find a nice green State with good opportunities to locate in per http://www.cousincouples.com/?page=states) I recommend, even for folks older than the two of you would be, that you do your best to have a two bedroom place, and each avail yourselves of a bedroom. For a couple of reasons. One, it "keeps up appearances" for nosy friends and family. The actual sleeping arrangements are NOT for public consumption. Next, it gives you both your own space. Initially, couples can't get enough of each other, but it usually doesn't take long for them to, LOL. If during the "fireworks" phase, you each still have your own space, and use it, it lessens the feeling of "I love him/her, but we're constantly up each others arse" thing. You gotta take a breath now and again. Knowaddamean?

That's pretty much the gist of the broken record speech, and most of it, again, is way out in front of where you are for the time being. It just is my personal idea of a framework to use for a chance at a solid future, and how to go about getting there. 

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