Jump to content
<?php echo esc_attr( get_bloginfo( 'name' ) ); ?>
Sign in to follow this  

So stressed :(

Recommended Posts

So my bf found out a few months ago that he will be laid off from his job and it was confirmed a few days ago. We currently live in Chicago, IL but due to this temporary set back we will be moving to Michigan to be closer to family.

I've had custody of my son since the ex and I split, I haven't had to deal with the court system because I believed we could manage this without them getting involved, boy was I wrong :(  My ex has our son during summer break, I let him know that I would be moving to Michigan so we could work something out to get him back with me before school starts but now he's trying to fight me for custody  :undecided:

I know no one here is a lawyer but I have no clue what to do, I plan on talking to one asap but I am so emotionally and physically drained I feel like I'm going to lose it. He told me he's already spoken to one and even brought up my relationship with my cousin so he can use it against me if he has to. According to him it's considered a felony there and since my cousin and I have a child together it's possible for cps to get involved and take away our daughter.

I could use some advise, some comfort couldn't hurt either  :cry:  I'm just so lost, I knew one day he would pull this kind of crap on me, when does the emotional manipulation/abuse stop? I left him for a reason. :cry:

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites


I'm no lawyer, but, I can give you the statutes in Michigan

You can't get married there.


Sec. 3. A man shall not marry his mother, sister, grandmother, daughter,granddaughter, stepmother, grandfather's wife, son's wife, grandson's wife,wife's mother, wife's grandmother, wife's daughter, wife's granddaughter,brother's daughter, sister's daughter, father's sister, mother's sister, or cousin of the first degree, or another man.

Sec. 4. A woman shall not marry her father, brother, grandfather, son,grandson, stepfather, grandmother's husband, daughter's husband,granddaughter's husband, husband's father, husband's grandfather, husband'sson, husband's grandson, brother's son, sister's son, father's brother, mother's brother, or cousin of the first degree, or another woman.

Depending on the interpretation, (although, my reading of it doesn't look like something I would want to challenge) you may be able to "skirt". Again, I don't really like the wording I'm reading as to try to outright challenge it.


551.271 Marriages solemnized in another state validated.

Sec. 1.

(1) Except as otherwise provided in this act, a marriage contracted between a man and a woman who are residents of this state and who were, at the time of the marriage, legally competent to contract marriage according to the laws of this state, which marriage is solemnized in another state within the United States by a clergyman, magistrate, or other person legally authorized to solemnize marriages within that state, is a valid and binding marriage under the laws of this state to the same effect and extent as if solemnized within this state and according to its laws.

Now, as to incest. I do believe he is full of......... I'll not say it, as bad as I'd like to......let's say crap.


1) A person is guilty of criminal sexual conduct in the first degree if he or she engages in sexual

penetration with another person and if any of the following circumstances exists:

(B) That other person is at least 13 but less than 16 years of age and any of the following:

(ii) The actor is related to the victim by blood or affinity to the fourth degree.

MICH. COMP. LAWS SERV . §750.520E(2010).


(1) A person is guilty of criminal sexual conduct in the fourth degree if he or she engages in sexual

contact with another person and if any of the following circumstances exist:

(d) That other person is related to the actor by blood or affinity to the third degree and the sexual

contact occurs under circumstances not otherwise prohibited by this chapter. It is an affirmative defense

to a prosecution under this subdivision that the other person was in a position of authority over the

defendant and used this authority to coerce the defendant to violate this subdivision. The defendant has

the burden of proving this defense by a preponderance of the evidence. This subdivision does not apply if

both persons are lawfully married to each other at the time of the alleged violation. (This MAY go to a defense in the "skirting" clause. Speak to an attorney)


  You are related to the fourth degree, BUT, you, (and I'll assume him as well) are over 16 yrs of age. So, it goes to the misdemeanor statute, which only goes out to the THIRD degree. By the civil calculation, which most statutes are based on, (Louisiana being one possible exception, I'd have to dig) first cousins are FOURTH degree. 

So, IF this is all current, which I believe it is, (it has only been a few months since I looked all of these up) and, the way I'm reading it, it's as follows:

You can't get married in either Illinois OR Michigan, you MAY (but maybe NOT too) be able to marry elsewhere and move to Michigan, but, at the fourth degree, and over the age of 16, it is not criminal. AGAIN, YMMV, but, that's about how I see it. It doesn't look good, but at least it isn't Wisconsin or Texas, or a couple others. CPS is NOT going to take your child, at least not in Illinois. Since the statutes are about the same, at least until you are 50 or 55 (I don't recall) in Illinois, when you can marry, I doubt they would have any interest in coming after your child in Michigan either. He's full of beans, or worse, and he's pulling your chain....

Go see a lawyer, copy/pasta these statutes from Michigan, and get his opinion. You will probably be advised to speak to a lawyer in Michigan by him(/her). Probably not a bad idea. Have your lawyer tell the ex you are in contact with a Michigan attorney, and you're going to have it all taken care of before you move. Have him tell him he can give him a list of motels he can come stay at to fight you there, because you are going to have your current custody arrangement affirmed in Michigan. Better yet, do consider Georgia, if at all possible. It's wonderful this time of year, and you can get married, and, judges there find VERY little humor in shenanigans out of vengeful ex husbands. (especially Yankees. LMAO)  First hand pro-tip, from your Uncle Hawk...  :wink:

Maybe if Colorado Married happens upon this, or if you would like to pm him to have a look and comment, he would be so good as to expand on it. He's a busy boy, but he may just be one person who gets into this sort of thing more than I do. LOL

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm going to ask since maybe I missed it or you didn't say or I didn't read correctly, but are you first, second or what cousins?

If first, as I am going to presume Hawk assumes you are, he is indeed correct in what he has advised you. And I would not argue

with him, he is WISE!!  (Hugs Hawk!).  But just in case, if you are second cousins then it is legal just about anywhere in  the world

that we here know of.  I would then say "ex" doesn't have a leg to stand on. 

HOWEVER, for future reference I would advise you to  get a court order on the custody of your daughter.  Those ex's

 can be a pain in the posterior, when all is going their way they are fine, when not **** hits the fan.  Always do it the legal way.

In the long run it is worth the money.   Is he ex-husband or ex-boyfriend?  

Best wishes and keep us posted.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you Hawk and Nat. Hawk is very wise, I really appreciate his advice :) yes Romalee my cousin and I are first cousins, our dads are brothers. The ex I'm speaking of is the father of my son, my first child, we were never married just a LTR for almost 10 years. I have a daughter with my cousin who I'm with now. The ex and I have not been together for almost two years, I've elaborated on the reasoning in a  post I started a while back. I will be speaking with him again today, he's tried to give me an ultimatum, let him have our son for a year and we can switch or he'll be taking me to court :/ I do not believe rooting and up rooting our son will be in his best interest so I guess court it is. Thank you for the advise and well wishes

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites


Y'all flatter me too much. I'm really not all that wise, or, at least my past behavior would indicate I'm not, lets put it that way.

I'm not too skeered to go to court on my own in a civil matter. I've done it several times, and prevailed each time. In criminal matters however, unless I knew the statute, and had either a rock solid alibi or rock solid defense, I'll assure you, I'm going to retain counsel. Other than three divorces I've been through though, family court is another matter. Much depends upon the demeanor of the parties involved, their stability, their situation, and yes, judicial prejudice. I don't have children, and, at my age and with a couple procedures I've had done, I'll not be having any now. That complicates matters beyond what I would be willing to go alone on. I'll not say I absolutely WOULDN'T go it alone, but there would have to be extreme extenuating circumstances, such as the mother was obviously, and demonstratively abusive/neglectful. She had been arrested for meth, or some such thing. Then, I wouldn't need a lawyer, just the record.

If I had such an ignorant bias, I might would consider a relationship with a cousin to rise to that level, but, so long as it isn't criminal incest, I would be wrong. A judge would explain that to me. I don't want to be told by a judge I'm wrong. It hasn't happened yet, but in waiting to be heard, and to parties on the other side of me, I have heard it. It was eye-opening for those other folks.

I would warn your ex about getting in the mud. You can't throw a little mud without getting some on you. Judges generally don't want to see mud slinging. They don't want the splatter mussing the room, or the bench. Personally, I would also remind him that when he's pointing the finger at you, there are four pointing back at him.


Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you all so much for your advice, it has helped so much and I am very thankful for you and this site. I've talked to the ex and the custody issue has been handled :)

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

  • Create New...