Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
jgomez23

*Cousin Love* I'm a girl in love with my first cousin (HELP)

This topic has had no activity within the past six months. It is recommended that you start a new topic instead of replying to old topics.

5 posts in this topic

Okay my name is Jen & I have nowhere else to turn, I've left some advice on other blogs but I' haven't really got any real direction. I?m hoping by the time I get some advice I?ll be in a better place and hopefully over this whole ordeal or back with her. I want to get this off my chest because my heart is in two.

I look back and have realized that I've always had a attraction for Bren. I can remember seeing pictures of her and thinking how beautiful she was. I remember seeing one picture thinking to myself; whoever gets her is the luckiest person ever. I hope it could be me. At the time, the idea of being gay wasn't really me, I just thought of her as really beautiful. That was years ago....Now I have pretty much come to terms that I?m gay.  Bren and I ended up together and shared a closet relationship together. Bren is my  (first) cousin and we were in a relationship for the past 2.5-3yrs. Most of my family knows about my sexuality, and some know about this ?closet relationship?. I?m 30 and she?s 25 and It?s been a very passionate and intimate relationship; both serving as each other?s 1st girl relationship. We would make the time to see each other as often as we could and we would do practically everything together. However, because of the distance, (CA-AZ) we weren?t together all time but we still would make it appoint to keep the relationship close (i.e. text all the time, talk on the phone, IM, etc.) we both told each other I love you, and made it exclusive that either of us weren?t seeing anyone else.

In the middle of last year I got a little more comfortable with my sexuality and began to realize that the idea of being in a relationship with my cousin is probably not the best idea; I mean, how could this ever work? What will our parents say?? Our family will probably not accept us. This is wrong and we should probably stop. I was pretty indirect with her and sought some innocent attention from other girls. Come to find out, it was nothing but senseless games and wasted time. While leaving my cousin on the back burner, I sorta pushed myself away from her.

After all of that I realized that I was still in love with her. On a recent trip out to CA, I found out that she?s sorta moved on with another girl,?.a girl who?s married and has a child and is apparently getting a divorce. I tried talking to her while I was there. I apologized like crazy for letting her go, I cried, but she didn?t give me a whole lot of closure besides telling me ?I thought you were over me?. I asked her if she was over me, she said no, but now I?m with someone and it?s all messed up. From what I can tell, this girl is a split image of me; I met her and she kinda is... from what Bren has told me- she reminds me so much of you. Even while I was there, I met her and she told me the same thing- Bren says that I remind her  so much of you!  I?m so glad I do  :(

Come to find out, the married girl broke things off with her back in July. At the time she was pretty down about it; and I was trying real hard to stay in touch with her, trying to help her keep her mind off of what?s happening. I?ve offered advice to her, but she?s told me that she flat out- she?s too hard-headed & doesn?t really want to hear it at the moment. I was trying to fix things, but I was not going to continue to even try to be there when she doesn?t really acknowledge fixing things with me. She was too occupied with hurt over this married girl.

So at the beginning of August I called her and told her that I hadn't been honest with her, and i had been hiding my feelings for her; I was still deeply and head-over-heels  in love with her and I that I know it sounds crazy but we can fight for this and for us. If our love was that strong, we can get through anything; including coming out to our families. We could be together and support each other and really get through this. Unfortunately at the time, she said she was still trying to get over this married girl and that she doesn't feel the same for me anymore and being in a relationship with me as her cousin is not really right. I thanked her for her honesty and told her that I would still grieve the loss of her and we hung up.

The actual truth is that she got back with the married girl and they are together. Last week I went out for a wedding that had been planned for some time. I'm a photographer and was asked to take pictures. My cousin showed up, with her married girlfriend. Thank God I was there to do a job, I talked with her maybe a total of one minute. It was very awkward being there and around them both so kept my eye in my viewfinder and kept snapping pictures. She send me a text apologizing to me for taking her married girlfriend and that she's sorry that she hurt me. I had this very long text message in response to hers, but I fought every tear and angry emotion I had to not send her my response.

The problem I still have is ? I feel like what we had was soo ridiculously special; I know that she does still care. I see the and remember the way that she would look at me. She loved me, I know she did and still does. I don?t know if she's just not bing honest with herself or not and is not acknowledging her  feelings for me...I don't care what people will think and say, I know that there are people like me that struggle with the same issues, and fight against the same things that society tells us about being romantically involved and I'm ready to do that. I know we'll have battles coming out to our families and I don't care. I just want to be with her, I love her soo much I don't care about the past. Even though it hurt me to see her there at the wedding with her married girlfriend, I've forgiven her because I love her that much. I know that she's not on the same level as far as this whole cousin thing, but I know I can help to show her the acceptance that we can gain together.

However, I don't know how much rejection I can take. Or how much time and energy I should put into this whenever she's still in a relationship with a married woman. I don't know if I should wait for this relationship with her married woman fizzle and tell her my feelings again. or if I should just fully move one. Any advice is welcomed.

Sincerely Confused.  :( :cry:

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey, I read this post and totally connected to the story because I know from experience what it is like to fall head over heels in love with nontraditional forbidden love. I am 31 yr old female and I will tell you briefly about my experience with my first degree cousin who is 24. Just like you, i would stare at her pictures over Facebook and thought "goddam she's grown up very gorgeous"and was like addicted to staring at her pics and posts...i became visually obsessed this was like my second time i experienced a strong attraction for another woman..,but this second time changed the course of my life ...i traveled to see her (Latin America VE) and had an intimate encounter with her. This was a pivotal point because i was always confused about my sexuality i never identified as lesbian, at least not fully blown, but kissing and touching her made my heart race really fast and feel fire throughout my body, something no man has ever made me feel like . It was that passionate kiss and touch which  had me yearning for her always... so much so that i even went to the psychiatric unit for depression because a year later i found out she got married!

BUT

unlike your story, just recently, I have been meeting new people (men)and am back to questioning whether the cousin thing was just a crazy phase of passion , a moment of pleasure which shouldn't have happened in the first place. I'm not saying you're wrong for loving your cousin -because duh i also loved mine - and im not saying homosex is wrong either...but maybe just maybe things happen for a good reason to teach you a valuable lesson (like not cheating on your gf,) putting an end forever to that chapter of your past experience so that you can start a new one, an even better chapter ...with a nicer happy ending. And hey we all make mistakes like cheating around and looking for fun but that only happens when you are unsure about your relationship. When you really love someone, feel strongly committed to your partner, have secure feelings, feel comfortable with that person ....cheating around would never cross your mind , not once.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
What will our parents say?? Our family will probably not accept us.

The whole "what would everybody think?" issue is moot.  Who cares what everyone else thinks?

....began to realize that the idea of being in a relationship with my cousin is probably not the best idea; I mean, how could this ever work....This is wrong and we should probably stop.

she said she was still trying to get over this married girl and that she doesn't feel the same for me anymore and being in a relationship with me as her cousin is not really right

You and she still have not decided if a cousin relationship is legitimate. If you've examined this site at all, you should have the information to make an informed decision on this topic.

Even though it hurt me to see her there at the wedding with her married girlfriend, I've forgiven her because I love her that much.

Forgiven her for what?  For moving on?  For no longer waiting around for you?  You are in one state, she in another.  How long did you really think this was going to last without some kind of plan for the future?

Bren and I ended up together and shared a closet relationship together.

Anytime a relationship is kept secret for an extended time, the passion of it is heightened.  It seems delicious and verboten to carry on with someone whom nobody else knows about.  But the passion eventually dies out when the relationship has no where to go in the long run.

All that aside, I'm not sure WHY you would want somebody who keeps promoting adultery in her partner.  Are you really so naive to believe that if she is turning to a married woman now that she wouldn't do it again in the future?  The fact the she has returned to her married lover tells me that she has no respect for the marriage vows.  Now, I'm not judging her here; people are allowed to let passion overthrow their reason. Once.  But when the behavior is repeated, that is a huge red flag IMHO. 

She loved me, I know she did and still does. I don?t know if she's just not bing honest with herself or not and is not acknowledging her  feelings for me..

You seem to think that the only reason she has rejected you is because she is not being honest with herself.  Whether she is or not is not for you to decide.  She has told you that being in a relationship with her cousin is not right and that she doesn't feel the same for you.  For you to assume otherwise is frankly, arrogant.

In case you can't tell, I find your post bewildering.  You seem to think that you can say just the right thing to make this girl change her mind about you.  From what you've posted, I'd say that is never going to happen.  Simply because the two of you are women, does not change the dynamics of your love affair and you sound like someone who does not know when to let a relationship go. She has told you more than once that she is not interested in a relationship with you. 

It's time to move on.  Neither of you are ready for commitment or for the potential drama of a cousin relationship. 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I say she has made it clear how things stand between you two. If she truly wanted to be with you, she would have told you so. This might be a phase with this married partner of her's, but you shouldn't wait around to find out. Life is too short. This is not to say things may never change........but at this point in time there is nothing you can do to "change" the situation or her feelings towards you. You deserve someone completely devoted to you, and you alone. As does she.....Be careful not to fixate on what could be. What is meant to be, will be!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I also believe you feel comfortable with her. Deep down you desire that closeness with somebody. Anybody. The fact you are cousins is irrelevant. She has taught you a lot about yourself and was your first in many ways. Treasure what you did have, and remember what you have learned from her. You will be much happier with somebody else I believe now once you figure out what YOU want and who you are. The cousin you loved, who once loved you back is not the same person you think she is........just as you aren't as you were back then.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your content will need to be approved by a moderator

Guest
You are commenting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
Reply to this topic...

×   You have pasted content with formatting.   Remove formatting

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0