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Serendipity

Marriage in the Future

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Well after two years of living together, cuz and I have decided that it's time we tie the knot.  Now, nothing official has been planned and it probably won't happen until the spring.  We are going into this with a much less romanticized vision of marriage than we would've 20 years ago.  Yes, we are madly in love with each other and yes, we a fully committed to each other, but this marriage is full more of legalities and long-term planning than it is of romance.  We want to be able to make legal decisions for each other, share health care costs and be beneficiaries for each other when our time comes to face the Great Beyond; things we can't do without a marriage contract.  Sounds romantic, eh?  In its own special way, I suppose it is; we want to take care of each other in very practical ways. Ways that require a legal marriage.

That being said, I mostly need to vent.

Ya know what makes me mad about this decision?  Not only can we not marry in this beautiful state we live in, but we will have to move to another state once we do get married.  The move won't be terrible, since we live right on the border, but still....

And we will have to marry in one state and live in another.  Where we now reside, we can not marry nor will our marriage be honored.  In the state we will live in, we can marry elsewhere and have the marriage accepted.  The state we will marry in is home to his family and is 100% legal in all aspects; but it's too far away from our jobs to be a viable option for residence at this stage in our lives.

How ridiculous that we have to uproot our lives and move to a place that neither of us want to live in just so we can enjoy the benefits of a legal marriage!! And let me say that where we will have to move to is no paradise.  It's a small town (yuck, no offense to anyone who enjoys small town living), requires that everyday we cross a bridge undergoing serious work for at least another 2 years, and I will have to start all over with my piano teaching business because I'm sure that none of my students will be willing to travel the extra distance for lessons. 

On one hand, I'm glad that there is a viable option for our marriage in close proximity to us.  On the other, I'm ticked off that we have to make such huge sacrifices to make this marriage legal.

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serendipity, i believe that if you were to marry (legally) in a state where one of you resided at the time of the marriage, that your marriage would be honored anywhere if you later moved. of course, that is still a problem since the state you are marrying in is too far away for a commute. but something to think about for the future, anyway. send me a pm... i don't remember what state you live in, and now my curiosity is up.

and dealing with road construction every day? not fun. i don't envy you. in fact, since i live a mile from a highway that has been under construction for the last three years (and probably will be for another two, as they continue to widen it) i have to say i pity you. greatly. it's a nightmare getting around anywhere on this side of town, because not only are the underpasses a mess with re-routed lanes, on my side of the highway they've decided to do a whole 'beautification project' on the main roads that lead to and from the town square. (i live in a historic district... very touristy on weekends and holidays...) that beautification project is a nightmare right now. i try to avoid main roads now. i forgot one day, and it took me 15 minutes to get from my house to the highway underpass. one mile, 15 minutes... and because of the traffic cones narrowing everything to one lane, and most of the side streets blocked off, i couldn't even escape once i made the mistake of turning that direction.

i suppose congratulations are in order, although it doesn't sound like you're in a celebratory mood!

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Congratulations on the decision to get married!

I agree with LadyC that a state would have a hard time challenging your marriage if legal in the state where performed (that's actually a step farther than she went) but of course it would still force you into legal challenges you may not want to afford or deal with.  On the other hand, have you checked case history in your state to see if there is precedent that supports you? For example, I know of one state in particular that still has a "void" clause on its books but legal precedent from the state's Supreme Court exempts marriages legally performed in other states.

Anyway, congratulations again and best wishes,

CM

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well if we get really technical, everything (legal precedents and all) went flying out the window when the supreme court decided every state was required to validate every marriage between gays no matter where was performed... and then went on to require every state to perform them. 

so as much as i have never, ever wanted to hang on to the apron-strings of the lgbt movement, and the idea still bothers me, it may be very effective. 

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CM,

How would I ever begin to research case history??!!

I just want this to be easy.. sigh.  :tongue:

And LadyC, I have considered that the gay marriage laws may now be useful in some ways...

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I agree with LadyC's assertion that the recent SCOTUS interpretation pretty much leaves everything open but only at great personal cost.  To win that battle will require significant legal expertise and willpower.  That's the kind of thing few individuals can muster and so large nonprofit organizations like the ACLU become the only hope for the individual.  Unfortunately, in this fight, I can see the ACLU support LGTB, NAMBLA, and maybe even the odd polygamist (as long as there are no religious underpinnings, especially Mormon of any flavor) but I don't see the supporting cousin marriage couples anytime soon... unless they happen to also be an LGBT couple.

As for the state legal precedent/case history, a good lawyer or law librarian could probably find it.  I'll PM you.

CM

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