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Dieseltech

BC, Canada cousins in love

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Hi everyone,

   My cousin and I were both left by our spouses around the same time (10 months ago). We started hanging our around May or June and it soon blossomed into a very loving relationship. My mother is very loving but can be judgmental. She highly suspects whats going on but I haven't told her or any of our family. I was wondering if not telling her and just letting her suspect and then watch how happy we are together to let it sink in for her a bit. I don't know of any other cousin coulples and was just wanting some advice and was seeing how many Canadians (BCers mostly) are also on this site. Thanks for your thoughts and input!

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Dieseltech,

Welcome.

We have had a number of cousin couples from Canada before, but, as of right now, I'm not aware of any that are active.

Depending on your ages and number of children between the two of you, if any, I rather like your idea of holding your peace, and letting everyone get accustomed to seeing the two of you together, and happy. You don't mention that you are first cousins, so, I'll go ahead and assume you are and advise accordingly. If you were not already aware, it is legal throughout all of Canada for first cousins to marry. Way out in front of where the two of you are, coming out of failed relationships, but, something to keep in mind going forward.

If I were in your shoes, I would proceed slowly, as you would with any other relationship. Of course, it has been several months now, and I'll assume by your tone that things are going swimmingly. So, proceed with the relationship at the pace which you are comfortable with.

As far as the reaction from family, it can vary wildly. It could be dancing in the isles, or, it could be a major nuclear meltdown. Most of the time, it falls somewhere in between. Look around here and get the facts. Go to the menu on the main page, http://www.cousincouples.com/, and get up to speed on the legal, religious, and genetic stats. In the forums here, you will find sticky threads on talking to mothers and others in the family. For the time being, if I were you, I would keep it on the somewhat down low. I get the impression you aren't exactly sneaking around about it, but, initially, being overly discrete can be exciting. After a while though, it can become drudgery if you let it. For me, I would just carry on normally, let everyone get accustom to seeing the two of you together, and be ready to answer their questions when they come. By that time, (and, IMHO, the sooner the better) you two need to be on the same page with it, and together, be resolved to stand your ground. The facts are on your side, and unfounded, overblown cultural biases are all you will be standing against. Be prepared to educate your family when asked. All you can do is present the facts. It is their choice as to whether they accept them or not. Their opinion is not your problem. 

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Thanks for the feedback. It feels nice to communicate with somebody in a similar situation. I will heed your advice (which was my intuition as well). I have browsed on here a lot. Very useful information. I hope to post some more soon. Have a great night!

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i'm with hawk on this. there's no need to create drama unnecessarily. too many headaches. if people start asking questions, you can tell them "my love life is not up for discussion" until the two of you decide the time is right. i think once you become serious to the point of wanting to spend the rest of your lives together, that would be a good time to tell people. but even then, your 'announcement' would not be an invitation to debate the issue, and you need to let them know that at the time. if they start griping, just say 'hey, i told you as a courtesy, but it's not up for discussion' and walk away.

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