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Cousin Couples Success Stories

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It would be great for folks to posted their success stories. I think it would help/inspire folks going through the their cousin trials and tribulations. 

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It would be great for folks to posted their success stories. I think it would help/inspire folks going through the their cousin trials and tribulations. 

I agree, always nice to read success stories :smiley:

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most everyone with a success story has shared it in various threads, and some of us may even have a thread where we specifically told the whole story. maybe what we need is a thread of links to previous posts, and then sticky the topic for easy reference.

and i think we'll sticky this one. and since i'm too lazy to look for my story through the millions of threads i've posted around here, i'll hit the highlights here.

mark and i grew up knowing each other. we are first cousins once removed (his father is my first cousin)... my parents and his were very good friends when i was born, and named his parents as godparents to me and my brother. 

when i was about 9, we moved to the same town where mark lived. kinda. it was more like we lived in the same school district. we both lived near the same lake, but not the same side of the lake. it was a really small school, and he was actually four years ahead of me. however, since the school was so tiny and most of the high school band members also either played football or cheered or did drill team, the marching band was made up of the leftover high school band members AND the 7th & 8th grade band. so even though we were technically never in the same school, i actually spent a lot of my school years with not only mark, but his older siblings. really, a lot. we were bussed over for band class to the high school every day, plus the summer practices, the after school practices, yada yada. sometimes i still have trouble remembering that we actually never went to high school at the same time.

because of band, every girl i went to school with knew who mark was. and he was so adored by everybody. voted most handsome in school, always winning band awards, played basketball, had played football during his freshman year, let's just say he was popular. unlike me... i was never popular except with the "wrong crowd". of course we didn't hang out together. he was a lot older than me. but one night when i was about 14, i was at his house with my brother. it was a friday, and my brother decided it was time to take me home so he could go cruise the strip. i didn't want to go. mark told my brother he'd give me a ride home later, so i got to stay. we hung out in his room listening to music... steely dan and frank zappa mostly, and just talking about life and stuff. then at some point he took me home. it was an amazing night. nothing even close to romantic ever happened. it was far more important to me than that. he LISTENED to me. he TALKED to me. he treated me like i mattered. like i was more than just my brother's bratty kid sister. he treated me like a grown up.

never really interacted with him much after that. a few months later he graduated high school and moved away... and i entered high school and didn't move away. for years i'd occasionally hear bits and pieces of news about him, usually not so good, filtering down through the grapevine. it always made me sad, but i didn't think too much of it. and one day at work steely dan came on the jukebox, and i remembered that night hanging out with him. and i wrote a poem about how that night had impacted my life. 

i was 34 years old when we ran into each other at a family reunion. i'd only seen him one other time since he'd graduated high school, and that a brief encounter a few years earlier when i'd asked around trying to find a used nintendo for my kids for christmas, and some relative told me he had one for sale. i met him halfway between his city and mine and paid him $50, spent ten minutes talking to him, and then went on my merry little way. when we saw each other at the family reunion though, it was like we were instant best friends... with a spark of physical attraction.

there's much more to my story, but i have to post part B later. i'm tired of typing. i want to read my book.

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Hmm. Well, I'm sure mine is buried in these pages somewhere but I'm too lazy to go look for it.  Here are the highlights:

We've known one another most of our lives but grew up in separate states.  I developed a bit of a small crush on her when we were young teens but our "romantic" relationship happened quite accidentally when we were young adults (18 and 20).  The vast majority of our family was absolutely opposed.  A few came around quickly, a few took some time, and some are no longer in our lives.  Not the outcome we'd hoped for but we learned we can't (and shouldn't try to) control other people's decisions any more than we should be beholden to their's.

We've been married over 20 years. We have two kids, both absolutely amazing, beautiful, brilliant, and in perfect health; both graduated high school with honors and both are currently on the Dean's List at a major private university where they attend with the help of some academic scholarships (I guess that takes care of the "feeble minded" myth of the Eugenics movement).

Hope this helps!

Best wishes,

CM

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ok part 2 of mine...

ok now here's the really interesting part. back in november of the previous year i remember praying... it was a prayer giving God complete control over my dating life. i was tired of being a single mom. i really wanted someone i could spend the rest of my life with, and i asked God to bring me someone. and then i asked if He could do it soon. and then i added an afterthought... "spring would be nice. maybe May." of course that wasn't a demand, it was more like musing. i didn't figure God would bring me anyone that soon.

also in november, unbeknownst to me, mark and his wife split up and began the process of a divorce.

fast forward to spring. to may. the very last day of may, actually. it was a family reunion in mckinney. i hadn't seen mark attend a family reunion since we were kids, so he was the farthest thing from my mind. but he was there. he later told me he had come because he figured it would be his grandmother's last reunion. he also told me that he had hoped to see me there, which is weird since the only contact we'd had in 20 years had been a 5 minute exchange of money and nintendo. but when i saw him there and gave him a hug, it was the oddest sensation of coming home. that hug felt like it was where i was supposed to be. we spent the entire reunion from that point forward sitting under a tree talking and catching up.

mark was going through a divorce at the time, as well as trying to overcome some other issues. he started hanging out with me a lot. my kids, then 11 and 12, adored him, for the same reason that he'd had such an impact on my life that night we sat for hours just talking. he has this gift for listening... he makes whoever he is listening to feel like they are the only person in the world. he doesn't get distracted. and my kids loved that kind of attention. i have to admit sometimes it annoyed me because when one of my girls had his attention, i didn't. i would sometimes have to put my foot down and say "enough already!" especially at bedtime when rana would have talked through the entire night if i hadn't rescued mark from listening.

it wasn't just me and my girls though. because he was hanging out with me, he was benefitting from the emotional support of my parents (who lived next door to me), another cousin (who lived across the street from me) and my brother and sis-in-law who lived in the next town but came to visit my parents frequently.  and as the days and weeks wore on, i was falling deeper and deeper. apparently he was too. 

i was worried mostly what the bible had to say. long story short,  i started searching for that sledgehammer in scripture that says "thou shall not marry a cousin" and found the exact opposite... example after example in the bible where cousins married. so cool! i got over my guilt, and then started checking into the legalities. at that time in texas even first cousins could marry. mark and i were first cousins once removed. no problems there. the only problem? he was still in the process of a divorce. it was all over but the signing and delivering to a judge, but he seemed to be dragging his heels. and then SHE called and said "let's try one more time"... and he did.

at the time it hurt like the dickens. but looking back, i'm glad he gave it that one last try. i'm glad that he has that kind of loyalty. he did try. and she tried. and it just didn't work. together they had too many issues that they just couldn't overcome. they parted as friends, and remain friends even to this day. (in fact, she and i even get along.) he finalized the divorce papers. and we decided on a wedding date... it would be january 1st, 1999. if i didn't wait til the new year, i would have lost all that earned income credit for being a single mom.  we really had never had any family objections on my side... and in his family only one person had anything to say, and that was more about the fact that he went straight from one marriage to another without having any time for himself.

we got married in my living room, in the same town we'd both gone to school in. the stepdad of my oldest daughter's best friend (whose grandparents were first cousins) was a preacher, and came over to do the wedding. it was small.... just me, the kids and my parents. we'd spent a week visiting his family over christmas, so they weren't there.  we exchanged handwritten vows and rings. he even made a little speech to my kids about committing himself to raising them, and gave them rings too. 

i'm not going to pretend it was happily ever after from that point forward. we had our ups and downs. we had rebellious teens. during their high school years we had one run away and one get pregnant. we had moved to las vegas, and there were a lot of things to distract a couple from each other. we had a lot of rough years. i loved las vegas, but it was not healthy for our marriage.

ten years later we were back in texas. it was hard to get used to... the humidity, the bugs, the cold... all those things we didn't have to worry with in the desert. and we were back near our families. and all those distractions of vegas fell away into the distant past. 

we've been married for almost 17 years now. the last four have been the absolute best. everything i'd ever hoped God would bless me with. well, almost everything, anyway. not a day goes by that he doesn't make me laugh. they say laughter is the key to living a long healthy life? it's also one of the keys to a successful marriage. God is the most important key, though. and God is absolutely the head of our household these days. for me, He always was, which is why we stayed together through thick and thin. but now, even mark relinquishes control to God. it is as it should be.

and that's my story.

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We have been married 12 years now, We have not had any one say anything bad about us being together from our family. In fact our grandfather told me on his death bed to take care of her you are good for her. we have a supportive family, And a very diverse in relationship's, that's a hole other story for another site. I can't say we are out of the closet so to speak, to everyone but those who know don't seem to care. We are happy and enjoying our life together. I wish all you the best and hope you a long loving relationship.

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Well I do not know if mine classifies as a success story regarding our relationship with our family  since we live a continent away from everybody who knows we are cousins  to avoid judgment and prejudice...

But we have been married for almost 12 years and have 2 children, we love each other and we have God in our lives, so I guess it is...

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you're married and you're happy.... i'd say that's a success, even if it was a hard choice to make. do you have any contact with your family?

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Flash and I have been together for just over 17 years.  We got married in 2007.  We have one daughter together she was born in 1999.  We are happy, accepted and reside in Alberta Canada. Flash has children from a previous marriage whom we raised.  :)

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Wow I just don't have the time to type 21 years worth of marriage to my 1st Cousin Judy but I will tell you about the last 6 months.

We had been married for 20 years when we found out that Judy had stage 4 lung cancer. Now before you start thing sad thoughts know that we had 6 months to say goodbye and we used them well. She could have died of a massive heart attack with out ever having the blessing of the tender moments that we where provided. Not a night passed by that we where not in each others arms praying for each other or just talking and reminiscing about the good times. We had communion together nightly. Looking back the only thing we would have changed was her treatment for chemo took a vibrant beautiful young woman and turned her into a shell of a woman in just 2 months. in that 6 months we loved more then many do in a lifetime. True love will care for the personal needs of someone who is Chair and bed redden . I thank the Lord that we were allowed that time.

I can tell you this I learned the meaning of true love. If the Lord came to me right now and told me he could return Judy to me healed and the same as she was all I need do is say yes. I would say no. True love is not selfish. she is enjoying heaven why would I deprive her of that blessing?        

Many have asked me why I am so on fire for the Lord since he took my wife away from me? My reply is simple Revelation 2:4 I had lost my first love and replaced the Lord with Judy had I continued to live my life that way I very well could have missed out on heaven. I just have made Jerimiah 29:11 my life verse.  Jerimiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  I may not understand his timing or plan but I have the faith to know that he has my best in mind.  I have a lot of youth in our church that I interact with and I want to leave you with this nugget of knowledge I have learned and preach to them constantly. Love is a triangle with the Lord on the top of the triangle with the man and woman at one of the other two legs. The Closer we get to the Lord the closer they get to each other.   

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Wow Jessie..that's such a positive outlook on life. And beauriful story.  I love it.  I'm also happy you got to enjoy the time spent with Judy, especially right up to the end. Like you said, it could have been different.

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yes, a very beautiful story, and what a testament to your life, your marriage and your faith!

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When doing my genealogy I found a line of family none of us ever knew of from back east. I live on the west coast. turns out some of the cousins lived 30 minutes from me. One day a cousin called and said-hey come on up for Thanksgiving and meet the rest of your long lost family. I accepted. Upon arrival I met Michael (my 2nd cousin 1x removed). For him the attraction was immediate. For me -I noticed him but was under a lot of stress as I was with my then husband and we were on the brink of divorce. After that day we stayed in contact for a few years as FRIENDS- he said he would have liked more but I was married. We connected right away-I loved talking to him. A few years later I mentioned to him I was divorcing and he jumped on the chance to be with me-couldn't let me get away. Our feeling are so strong for eachother. We have been together 6 months(long distance-he lives in the south). We see eachother every month and talk/skype/text daily. We have love, lust, passion, desire to be together forever. We have the same likes and dislikes yet we have different hobbies etc. We share the same views sometimes say the same things at the same time-it's strange. Our lives also were extremely parrallel, although we had never met and lived far away from eachother. We believe we were always meant to be and we truly have found eachother to be actual soulmates. I never believed in that stuff before until now. We have an amazing relationship built upon love, trust and communication..everything else comes easy. Our family is very accepting of it all-even though it freaked us out a little to tell people. The person who we thought most would have issues with us turned out to be the easiest! We never think about us being cousins at all. We are a man and woman in love. We have plans to get married and I am moving to be with him this summer.

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I hope someday we can be happy too. We live long distance about 5 hours apart but that hasn't stopped us. We were planning on moving together but our plans changed when her mom found out. She is 18 but her mom took her phone since she pays the bill. I plan on taking her one that I will pay for but we haven't spoken in a week or so. I have been so lonely and depressed since. These stories give me hope of one day being with her.  She truly is my Juliet and I love her with my entire being.

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I'm not sure if it's appropriate for this forum, or even this site, so I apologise if this post content is deemed unsuitable and I welcome the moderator or site controller to remove it......

Intimacy The level of intimacy in the bedroom (& other places) that we enjoy and love is so far beyond anything either of us has experienced before, it's difficult to put into worlds. 

The incredibly strong emotional connection we feel is enhanced and intensified when we are physically intimate. I would say we are normal in terms of the activities but the joy, satisfication, mental, emotional and physical connection is nothing short of amazing (and oh so satisfying for us both)  

I'm not sure if this is a result of being first cousins or being in our early 30's with a little prior experience before we got together or whether it's a male/female attraction of the greatest intensity without the cousin factor but I do know we are amazing together ..... mentally, emotionally and physicall. On every possible level we are soulmates. 

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You mentioned you are in Canada and are accepted. Can you explain a little further how Canadian people feel about cousin marriage?

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I too have a long lost cousin love, and can now say we are a success story about true love lasting over 50 years. We were close as children, the same age. So we got put together at all the family outings, grouped by age. So I wasn’t allowed to hang with my sister or the other girls, only my 2 male cousins my age. But I never minded as they both were wonderful to me and protected me. We even played doctor as kids. Then his mom died when he was 7 and he was whisked to Florida, while I grew up in NY. We both graduated High School the same year, he off to the Navy and me college. I started writing to him because I wanted mail (pre-internet days- think 1976-82.) We wrote the most beautiful love letters to each other and fell head over heels. We had several rendezvous where he came to visit me in college. To say they were the most incredible satisfying complete sexual encounters is an understatement.  It was a dream and the best love ever. Hours of making love one time in a ski chalet! He then gave me a ring in 1982 which I eagerly accepted. I was working and living in Manhattan at the time. He was stationed in Norfolk. Then it got too difficult as he wanted to formally ask my Dad's hand. I freaked and said no, even though I lived on my own  miles from my parent's home. It ended in heartbreak for us both.

Within the month I joined the Navy and met another man. I ran off and eloped with this other person and broke his heart (my cousin). My cousin also married and stayed in Florida. I believe it was after his divorce about 10-12 years ago he tried to contact me. I was so surprised at my feelings. They were still there, even more intense than ever. This is now about 20 years later. We spoke for a while on the phone that afternoon catching up on our separate lives- even the families had grown apart thanks to his stepmom. It seemed like we still cared but there was too much distance between us. We never did anything about it. He then friend requested me on Facebook this past September. He even sent me a separate message. I accepted his friend request but didn't answer his message. I kept an eye out though on Facebook, always looking for him. It felt like a long lost love was there, a connection neither of us truly understood then. 

I also found out my love has cancer via Facebook. My heart sank. How could I not tell him my feelings and let him possibly die and never know the depths of what I felt. I just remember thinking I cannot let this man do poorly in his cancer treatments or possibly die without telling him my feelings. I called him and we talked and talked. The feelings were very mutual after 33 years!!! Love did not die, but rather lay waiting, dormant. We then began texting. He didn't do well after his first chemo session. I was freaking 800 miles away as I didn't hear from him for over 3 days. I called my sister and talked. She knew of our college/navy romance and the ring too. She said go visit him. I couldn't. My husband, my job, my 3 kids,...She said he's a sick friend. Go. I ended up calling his brother whom he is living with - 2 divorced men. His brother said come visit. So after much deliberation, even with my therapist I decided to talk honestly with my husband. I asked him for a divorce. And requested time and space. After 2 days then of honest feelings about our marriage, and unwanted awkward overdue emotions I decided to go to my true love.

It was the best move I could have ever done. I love this man with my whole heart, even after being separated for decades. We understand the taboo by our American Society, and even 2 of my 3 kids and my soon to be ex. He likens us to Jerry Springer guests, and says its incest. He said you are doing it with yourself. A very short sighted opinion, especially when they have never met him. My one son is gay and my daughter has a child out of wedlock. So they are judging me? Which led me to this phenomenal website. I love knowing what consanguineous couples are and love my man. Life is too short to be judged by others. If you truly love someone go for it. You can’t help who you fall in love with. If it’s meant to be it will be. So glad after 33 years that we are now going to be together! We feel like it was written in the stars, like soul mates. Just be open to possibilities. We will be married this fall…

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Would y'all let your kids fall in love with there cousins??

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16 hours ago, Guest kk said:

Would y'all let your kids fall in love with there cousins??

not sure i understand what you mean. how would a parent prevent a kid from falling in love with a cousin?

parents don't get to choose for their kids. we can stomp and yell and act like bullies all we want, but what good does that do? 

as for the question from my perspective, my only objection to one of my kids falling in love with a cousin is that both my kids are already married. well, i might have one further objection, depending on which cousin it was, based solely on the lack of maturity and responsibility of at least one nephew.

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My story here:

We are happily married and have one healthy son but we plan on having more children. We may not have familial bonds by blood but we have wonderful, supportive friends that love our son.

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