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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Oitza

guys help please!!

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i fell in love wih my cousin, and last night i asked her if she wanna be with me. she said she cant think of me as a lover.

what to do so she say yes??? im desperate, i love her soo much! please  help!!

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Oitza,

First of all, calm down and don't be so desperate. There is nothing you can do or say to make her change her mind. Only she can change her mind, and that may very well never happen. The more you push, the farther you will push her away. You've put it out there for her to consider. There are stories here of cousins who have changed their minds. It may or may not happen with your cousin, and it could take a while. You have to act as though you are still her friend, and not get all clingy and needy. If she sees you can work through your feelings and not be constantly bringing it up, it will let her digest the whole thing without any pressure. Eventually, she may start to see you in a different light.....

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Oitza

I know you asked for help from guys, but I think a woman's perspective may help you out also!

Hawk is right when he tells you to calm down.  Women can always tell when a man feels a bit desperate for us to return romantic feelings and honestly, that does nothing but make us back away.  Hawk is also right when he tells you that there is NOTHING you can do to make her change her mind.  Trying to "make her" change her mind will only cause her to think that you are trying to be manipulative and controlling.

Love is a strange and precarious little bugger and sometimes cupid's arrow does not strike two people at the same time.  Being rejected in matters of the heart is never easy.  If I were you I would just let it rest.  Don't pursue her in any manner - this will make her realize that you are not desperate for her.  Perhaps you will kindle a romance with her sometime down the road, or maybe someone else will enter your life that returns your affections. 

Take a deep breath and take it easy.  Confidence in yourself in one of the traits that women find most attractive in a man. 

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