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What To Do If You Don't Know If Your Cousin Likes You In Return

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I am relatively new to this forum.  Even so, I have seen a disproportionate amount of posts wondering how to know if your cousin likes you. I am also new to a cousin relationship - 3 months and counting  :cheesy:  But I've been through enough of this world to understand a thing or two about matters of the heart.  And I have two children, daughters, currently aged 16 and 18, so I have had a little bit of experience in guiding my children (and even a number of their friends) through matters of the heart.

There is an article already posted on this forum about how to talk to your cousin about your feelings. http://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php?topic=2663.0  It contains a great deal of helpful information.  But for all the young people who are posting here, wondering, HOW DO I KNOW IF MY COUSIN LIKES ME?!, let me give you my perspective.

For the sake of simplicity, I will write from a woman's point of view concerning the use of pronouns.

You will never know until you know if your cousin (or anyone else for that matter) likes you. 

There is no magic formula here.  You spend time with someone, you get butterflies in your stomach whenever he is near, you think about him all the time - you are in love!  But are your feelings mutual?  Unless he has reached for your hand, pulled you in close during a movie, brushed a stray eyelash off your cheek, kissed you goodnight, told you that he can't stop thinking about you...you don't know for sure, do you?

Now, the real issue is WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW.

I am old enough to have experienced many rejections in the love department: One sided attractions, loves that just didn't work out and loves that broke my heart.  The advice I give here is the same advice I've given to my own children (and their friends when I've been asked). 

1.  Don't let your heart lead your head, especially in the early stages of romance. Don't allow yourself to create a fantasy in your head that becomes all consuming.  Things are never as urgent in love as we want them to be.  Slow down, take a deep breath and have fun.

2. Don't be the one doing all the pursuing.   Don't text, call, or IM too many times in the day.  If he is interested in you, he will pursue you also.  This is especially good advice for young women and teenage girls.  Let the man work for you girls!!  You are worthy of a man who thinks you are worth pursuing!  And don't post frustrations about love on social media.  It only makes you look pathetic. 

3.  Realize that love takes time to develop.    Sometimes we are hit by a lightning bolt of love, and it is instant mutual attraction.  Sometimes romance grows over time.  But even if we are struck by the lightning bolt, there are so many elements that must come together for love to endure.  If the sexual energy between two people is strong, but there is no common intellectual, spiritual, and social bonds, then the romance is doomed.  Sexual energy will draw two people together, but it is not enough to keep two people together.

4.  Keep doing the things you love and pursuing your dreams.    As my oldest daughter is about to leave home to study dance in NYC and pursue her dreams of being a professional dancer, this is a discussion we have broached several times the last couple of years.  If someone is unhappy that you have to go to class, work, or rehearsal and wants you to give up your life and dreams to live their life and dreams, WALK AWAY.  Those who truly love us will rejoice with us in our successes. 

For those of you who are college age - GET YOUR EDUCATION AT ALL COSTS!.  For some that will mean going to university, for some it will be vocational training and for some, like my daughter, it will mean going to where you can get the best training available.  Wherever you go, GET YOUR EDUCATION.  Being qualified for your chosen field of work will make a huge difference in your overall happiness. 

And if someone wants you to be dishonest with your family or friends, urges you to do things that you are not comfortable with (sexual or otherwise), wants you to only spend time with him and shows any signs of being controlling or abusive, don't walk, RUN AWAY from this person.

5.  Ask her out!!!  Perhaps I should have put this one first on the list.  This seems so obvious!  If you want to know if your feelings are returned, then you have to ask her out and get the ball rolling!  Invite her out for a cup a coffee, go see a movie, go to a concert, or ask her out to dinner.  You will spend forever in the "I Don't Know" stage if you don't start trying to make things happen. 

6.  Don't reveal your feelings too early in the relationship.    Wait at least 3 or 4 dates before you mention that you are crazy about someone.  No one wants to feel rushed into a relationship - don't make your crush back away from you by being too needy and clingy. 

7.  Be confident in yourself!!  Confidence attracts confidence.  If you want to be with someone who is self-assured, then you need to be self-assured also.  Realize that you are not defined by any relationship.  You are defined by your character traits, your accomplishments in life, your work ethic and by the way you treat other people.  If a relationship doesn't work out, cry a little bit and then get to living your life!

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