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Hello Cousin Couple community,

I'm greatly appreciative of the words shared in this community, and have been reading for a while.  I want to give details to my dilemma, but not so much that it may identify me, so here it goes.

First off, I'm educated, she's educated.  We are both smart people.  I've had a crush on my 1st cousin since we were in middle school.  She's been with other men since, and I've been with other women.  She once sat in my lap in early high school, after we talked a lot during a family get together.  I felt the eyes of others on us when this happened.  Since then I've kept my distance to friendly. Fast forward....

We are both college graduates, I'm working on a 2nd degree.  And going into the military for a prestigious job depending on your viewpoint.  We have been living together for over a year, but it has been purely friendly.  To me it feels like we both find the other attractive but are afraid to hint about said attraction.  We have great conversations, and get along great.  I ship out sometime next year, and feel like I need to state my feelings for her in a way that won't scare her away.  I've read the top posts on this.  

I'm mostly afraid that it won't work out, and I'll lose a great friend.  But I'm also afraid that I won't say anything, and lose out on a possibly great relationship.  We both don't really give clues about how we feel about each other.  But I swear I can feel an energy that's there.  It's like we're both just too shy to say how we feel, because of the way society views cousin couples.  I've read up on the science, plus we are separated racially, she's white, I'm mixed.  I suppose there's no way to keep my friend and get the answer I want unless we are both very mature about the whole thing.  I'm thinking about saying my feelings once October is over, this should give enough months before I ship out for basic for a decision to be made.

It seems like in a normal relationship things like this just happen.  But for this I feel as though I need to be very professional about it.  Let her know my feelings, then give her space to think.  The courage to do so is the hardest part.  I've had a crush on her for nearly 2 decades.  She's my best friend.

Thanks for reading, I tried to keep it as short as possible.


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Welcome to CC. 

Since you said you have been reading here for  a long time, I am surprised you

haven't picked up on the most commonly recommended line to use. 

That is the "if you weren't my cousin, I could date, go for..."  Or "You

possess the qualities I find attractive in a date, girlfriend, spouse, IF you weren't my

cousin...."   You fill in the blanks for whatever works best for you.

If you get a negative or hesitant response you always have the out of

saying "I said IF.

Sounds to me like even though you say you are educated, you are way overthinking

the situation.  Give her the benefit of being able to speak for herself.  If you have been

living together this long, surely if she has any attraction to you maybe she is waiting for

you to break the ice or in the end maybe she doesn't.  But I think you owe it to her to

let her speak for herself.   

Best wishes and thank you for your willingness to serve. I am from a very pro-military family.  

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i agree with romalee. you're over-thinking things. don't let fear rule your life, take a chance! you both sound mature enough, and have a solid enough friendship to be able to build on this... and even if she doesn't want to build anything romantic on it, i'm betting your friendship is solid enough to not be shaken.

and by the way, ANY job in the military is prestigious in my opinion :) i'm very pro-military, and believe that even the highest ranking, most prestigious positions would be an utter failure if it wasn't for the hard work of even the newest private. so let me say thanks for volunteering yourself for service, at whatever level!

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