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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Zarafa

Need help figuring this out...

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Zarafa    0

I posted on here a few years ago...

I am now a female in my late twenties, madly in love with my cousin in his early twenties.

We reconnected on social media a few years ago as he is from abroad. We hit it off right away and would talk throughout the day via messenger about literally everything. I felt more comfortable and engaged in conversation with him than with my significant other at times.

During that period, I got engaged to be married and my relationship with my cousin changed. He became distracted, easily offended and sort of distant. When I went on my honeymoon he refused to even speak to me until I got back home.

Things somewhat tapered off and we were back to talking as usual all the time. He can't afford to visit my country as I live in Asia and he's in the US.

Fast forward to June 2015 I had a work opportunity in the US for ten days. My husband and I have problems apart from this and are looking to separate. I was invited by his dad (my maternal uncle) to stay with them at their house during my trip there. It was the first time we interacted in person as adults. He was bold, would tease me but we had many moments where he would touch my hands or arms, play with my hair etc. On the day before I left I told him he should come sleep next to me and he agreed and did and it changed the way I feel about everything. For the hours I was next to him I couldn't sleep, I was just awake in awe that I was next to him, I hugged him tightly and enjoyed the moments until it was time for him to wake up for work.

Are there any clear cut indicators that he might also feel how I feel?

I'm not brave enough to tell him for rear of rejection.

Need your thoughts and any advice on this please!

Thanks,

Zarafa

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LadyC    94

i would say there are. but you need to either repair or dissolve your marriage before you even think about anything or anyone else.

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Zarafa    0

Can you give me some insight into how you can tell Lady C?

My husband and I are now separated and will file for divorce later this year when we can afford it.

He was also in still in love with an old flame and felt his heart wasn't in our marriage.

I don't want to just come out to my cousin with my feelings in fear of rejection and worse off in fear of ruining our relationship if he doesn't feel the same or if he won't accept a cousin relationship as right.

Thanks

Z

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LadyC    94

to me, just the way you tell about him becoming distant and somewhat acting offended or hurt when you got married sounds like he had feelings. but none of that really matters. you don't even need to consider telling him your feelings (or stressing about how he will react) until you can approach him without any ties to someone else. your divorce, if you get one, will be complicated enough without muddying the waters with your feelings for someone else. you need to do this cleanly.

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