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nancypattison

Need Advice Please Help

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3 posts in this topic

Let me start with how I and my cousin (my mom's brother's son) started our relationship. I was 16 turning 17, and he was 19. When we were kids we grew up just normal but weird at the same time. We were close but not that close. Then came a time we didn't see each other for years.

So one faithful birthday inviation from my uncle my mother decided to tag me along. Since I was 16 and hormones and puberty are surging through me, I didn't socialize with my family and guests at the party, and I hanged out the whole time at one of their bedrooms. After hours of dozing of he knoecked on the door and asked if I was okay and if I wanted anything to eat or drink. I said I was fine snoring. He was just standing by the door and staring at me. He said "You're all grown up.", and he closed the door and sat beside me on the bed, just staring at me. It was the most awkward 10 seconds of my life then he held my face and kissed me, and my life changed. After breathing out a huge sigh and whispering " The things you do to me" he ran out the room and left me more confused than I ever was. A week later he texted me saying he misses me and wished to kiss me again and again and again... Then he asked me if it was okay if I go out for lunch with him, I said yes because I wanted answers for what I was feeling. I don't want to be confused anymore.

At lunch he told me everything he felt for me, his crushes for me when we were young, and how at one time I was 13 that I looked real pretty during one of our uncle's wedding, and that he couldn't stop thinking about me. Then I asked him about the kiss, and what it was he wanted from me, a box of confusion and whatnot. He just looked at me smiling. Then something inside me wanted to kiss him again and again and again... So I did! From there our relationship became official. We went on dates, we made love, we shared love. But everything had to end, well for him I guessed it ended because he stopped texting and calling me. He just stopped. And I was left hurt and more confused...

Years passed and I was slowly healing from what wound he left me and I was in a good relationship with someone. Then our grandmother died, I brought my boyfriend with me at the funeral, and there he was with his girlfriend, and he was just ignoring me like nothing happened, like we never shared a bed once, like he didn't know me. And I was hurting inside again. After funeral my beau had to leave early for his finals, as I was walking back "he" grabbed me and dragged/lead me to the back of the house and kissed me hard. In between kisses he told me how much he misses me and the he was sorry for leaving me all of a sudden and he still loves me. And I was crying and happy, and I was ready to say I will leave my beau for him when his girlfriend called out for him, then he left again more confused and shattered than before...

What was I going to do? I was willing to give him everything again... And he keeps leaving me more broken that before...

And now I am 25, with two kids and with my faithful, loyal, and loving husband... My cousin still sends me emails and texts of longing and love for me, but each time I ask him if he will not leave me again he never answers back. And he still continues to stay in my heart just gluing himself there and ready to stab to me again if he ever wants to...

So what am I to do? I can never fully love my husband while my love for my cousin still occupies my heart even if he can't love me back and heal the wounds he gave me..

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This is a simple answer for what seems like a difficult situation.

You are married and you do nothing concerning your cousin until you decide if you are going to continue being married to your "faithful, loving and loyal husband".  For someone who has such a faithful husband, I am frankly shocked that you would entertain the thought of cheating on him with a man who leaves you "more confused and shattered than before"; a man who would just end things with you without the consideration of an explanation or a conversation. 

You are right that you  "can never fully love [your] husband while [your] love for [your] cousin still occupies [your]heart". So, what do you do?  You stop longing for a man who clearly only wants to play you for the fool.  You block his phone number from your phone and delete it, delete his email address and all email correspondence you have received from him, remove his name from all social media accounts and then you get on with the business of loving your husband and your children. 

I suspect that you are such a mess because you were intimate with your cousin at such a young age and that the relationship held a mysterious taboo about it that was exciting for a teenage girl.  But you are a young woman now with a husband and two children; it's time to grow up and be faithful to your commitments.

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amen to what serendipity said. you're a married woman. act like one.

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