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I don't remember the first time I saw him; of course not, most adults don't remember much before their 3rd or 4th birthday anyway...

I have a picture though, a small framed photo lost in a green wall in my younger son's bedroom, surrounded by wedding pictures and family memories. It has my father on it, a very young version of the man he is now, with all black hair and big glasses.. a little girl in one knee with a white dress and enormous eyes and a golden baby on the other one, all fair skin and hair with the color of the sun....

When you see the picture it is evident that the little girl is me, a photo of my 7 th birthday party is also in the wall, it is impossible to miss the correlation. Nobody has ever guessed who the golden boy is, he has changed so much... but I still keep the picture in the hidden wall, to remind me of the golden boy he was and that at one time I had to love him in the dark, like all forbidden things. ..

What I do remember is the first  time he went to my house. My family and I have always lived far away from my grandma and my uncles/ aunts but close to my father's aunt, so one time when my grandma was visiting her sister, she brought him with her, THAT I remember. He was all white skin and golden hair and I remember thinking that boys like that should not exist in the real life, that his mere presence had an ethereal character to it and the only thing that seemed real to me were the eyes, dark, a deep brown inhirited from his father that did not belonged in the otherwise light face. I remember thinking that it was good that he didn't get to have my aunt's eyes (his mother's eyes) because surely the blue/ green color would make him more perfect somehow,  less human...

I took his hand that time, to make sure he was a boy, to make sure he was real. And as far as a 10 year-old can fall in love, I loved him...

Many years later, heartbreaks, girlfriends, boyfriends, careers, jobs, family opposition and a continent / ocean away to evade the judgement, I love him still...

We have been married for almost 12 years now and have 2 sons, he is no longer gold, but I don't have to love him in the dark anymore. ...

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beautiful story! it kinda threw me for a loop when you jumped from "many years later" to "married 12 years"!!!  i look forward to hearing more!

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