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Confused and unsure

Guest pinkranger

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Guest pinkranger

I am new to this board, found it when I finally had the guts to google if other people had some of the same issues I do. To my very pleasant surprise I found this site, that restores my faith in myself and the choices I've made.

My 2nd cousin and I are in a difficult position, and no matter what happens people are going to get hurt. He was married once before and stopped talking to me while he was with her, during this time I met and had children with another man. He and his wife separated and he found another woman. 5 mo ago he finally told me that he has loved me since our first kiss, 16 yrs ago, I told him I had felt the same and we became very close again very quickly. We gave into everything we have been hiding for years and it was complete bliss, until reality set in. He married this girl 2 mo ago and broke my heart because I was planning on ending my 10 year relationship with my husband for him(and myself, not a great relationship).

He said he couldn't call it off because everything would look too suspicious and they spent so much money. I am lost and confused as to where to go from here. My husband is trying to win me back and I'm thinking of our children, but I so desperately want to end my relationship and be with the man I have loved since I was 12. He asks me if I want to run away together and we still see each other now and then, but I'm heart broken and scared to continue down this path. He says he still loves me and wants a future, and it is complicated. That we will work this all out.

Has anyone else been in a similar position, both people in other relationships? Our family would never understand, but I don't care anymore, we would hurt our spouses though and my children could be hurt. How do you decide between doing what's "right" and what your heart wants more than anything and what makes you the happiest you've ever been?

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  • Administrator

your heartache is justice for having screwed around on the man you committed your life to and have a family with. if you are a woman of integrity, you will make the choice to do what is right, not what your heart yearns for. your husband is trying to win you back.... does he know of your adultery? if he does, and he still wants you back, you'd be a damned fool to chase after someone who clearly made HIS choice of what to do when he married another woman two months ago.

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  • Moderator

You contradict yourself.

He says he won't be with you because he just spent so much money on a wedding then he says he wants to run away with you.

Which is it?

And if I understand correctly, he married another woman while he was seeing you?  Sounds like a winner to me (not).

You are playing with fire and you've gotten burned. You should be scared to continue down this path.

Your children will be hurt if you divorce your husband.  Sometimes that pain is unavoidable.  In your case, it is totally avoidable.  You have a husband who is trying to win your heart, that sounds promising to me.  Yet, you are willing to throw that away to pursue a man who, by all appearances, doesn't really want you.

You need to focus on your marriage.  Try to make it stronger.

In the meantime, you need to cut your 2nd cousin out of your life completely and get him out of your head.  It will happen - if you let it.  You never know, the happiest you've ever been may be found in the man you chose to marry; not the one who is playing hot and cold with your emotions. 

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