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sam675

Help with love letter

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In love with my cousin have been since we were little kids I'm 24 she's 23 now I'm not sure how she feels about me but we are really close

Iv decided to stop eating my brain out and it seems the easiest way to tell her is a letter. So has anyone taking this path? If so can I get some help please maybe post a copy on here or throw some ideas at me thanks

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Arron747,

There is a sticky thread to this effect here: https://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,2663.0.html

I'm not sure if any of it covers a letter. Most of us always advise to test the waters face to face, starting out with what we call "the old tried and true ' If you weren't my cousin' " line. You know, something like "I think you'd be my perfect girlfriend, if you weren't my cousin." Adjust it to your particular situation and when the time seems right to do it, perhaps at the end of an evening, after the two of you have spent some time together. It puts the thought out there, in a "no pressure" kinda way. If she says something along the lines of "Yeah, sux don't it?", you know she either feels the same, or has thought about it. Then, you can wade off a little deeper, and say something like "Yeah, I've actually thought about it at least a little, and I'm not so sure I care so much that we are cousins. I really enjoy our time we spend together."

If she reacts badly, you have the out of saying "Whoa, whoa, I did say IF, you know, IF you weren't my cousin." Even then, it puts it out there, and gives her the chance to digest the thought. She wouldn't be the first one to come back at some later date and say "You know, I got thinking about what you said, and I actually looked into it, (Google is going to lead her straight here) and it might not be all that far fetched after all."

You two ARE at, (maybe a year or two beyond,) what I personally consider to be the prefect age to step things up. Any too much younger, and you face possible relationship killing drama out of family. (Even if just for the age factor, when at the age you are now, they may be considerably more comfortable with the idea) Any older, and you may give up without ever knowing, and move on to other people, only to admit feelings later, and risk massive trainwrecks in your then established respective relationships to others.

Bottom line, from out here in the cheap seats.... Nothing ventured, nothing gained, so you may as well gently test the waters now. Above all, don't push. Toss it out there, and see what happens. Then, regardless, DON'T LET IT GET WEIRD. If it doesn't initially go as you would like it, be patient, don't push, and don't let things change. Keeping it from getting weird or being pushy will go a long way to showing your maturity level and making the thought of the two of you together easier to swallow.

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Hey hawk really appreciate the reply

Testing the waters does sound pretty good but I do remember her saying to me

"as much as I love you I could never marrie a guy like you"

to me about one year ago she was dating a guy at the time and we were in the living room with her siblings and parents

So that scares me a little don't know if she really ment that or not that's why I was just thinking give her a letter and get the pressure off my back at least I tried

Oh and a couple months back I remember us talking alone and I said to her when we were kids I used to like you and she smiled and said so did I but we just luaghed it off and continued to talk about other things

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Arron747,

So, at least when you were kids, she liked you, now, she loves you, but doesn't see herself being able to marry a guy like you. Why? Is she only attracted to guys who are asshats and treat her bad? Or, is there something about you that she sees as an obstacle, other than the cousin factor?

I'm just thinking a letter is going to tend to make things weird. Better to do it face to face. I'd pick a time like when this kid crush thing came up a couple months ago, however that situation led to that conversation.

You need face time, and innocent enough outings such as a nice meal at a reasonably priced place, something outdoors like hiking, maybe camping, or even a movie or night out of some sort. Things that make her enjoy your company, then, when it comes up, you steer the conversation slowly. Keep nudging it out there gently. 

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maybe she needs time for it to sink in. otherwise i would have expected her to distance herself.

now, why don't you bother using punctuation? periods and commas are every bit as important as question marks, ya know. it sure makes it easier to read, and makes more people willing to actually take the time and respond. you should try it on your next post.

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You keep acting as you always have. No need to change now.

I wouldn't bring the subject up again unless she does it first.  Give her time and space to

mull things over. If she is intertested in pursuing or not she will let you know when she is ready

to go forward or not. Don't appear to be pushy or needy. Nothing will turn her away faster.  You have had these

feelings for some time that she was unaware of.  She needs time all her own to process how

she does or doesn't feel about the situation.

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What was the context behind that line she said to you "as much as I love you, I could never marry a guy like you" Why did she just randomly say that? What were you guys talking about or doing when she said that? Also she was around her family you said, so try not to let that line be the end all in you telling her how you feel. Do you see her often?

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