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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Wilhelmina

How to deal with similarities?

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I'm totally new on this subject...but fell for my first cousin 4 weeks ago. We had never met before in our lives due to some big family arguements in the past. Our fathers were brothers, but they died 4 and 4,5 years ago. They hadn't spoken or seen each other in 30 years... So i never really knew i had a cousin. So to me he was a stranger...but i felt so extremely connected to him..from the very first moment i saw him. And we both have these feelings. But I'm still a bit in shock. The first days I thougt...that's not possible, he is my cousin, we have the same grandparents etc etc. Then I started reading about it, especially on this site, and changed my point of view. So i am in the process of accepting it. But i do have some questions... How to deal with similarities in the way you look? Though my cousin is a totally different person then my father was...I sometimes see small resemblances with my father...and that gives me a strange, confused feeling. Sometimes when i look into his eyes is strikes me that he has got the same eyes like my grandmother also.  I also feel like we are very much the same in character...we have the same moral standards and the same way of wanting to live our lives, the same humour...

I have never felt so much love for a man before in my life... I know he is the love of my life...and i know we will have a lot of challenges by explaining this to our families...bur first I have to accept it for myself!

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Wilhelmina,

First, tell us how old the two of you are. Age varies the advice given here greatly.

I realize the resemblances you realize in him can be off-putting, but, do remember, he IS kin to your Dad and Grandmother. Depending on how similar your fathers looked, if he looks like HIS Dad, it is perfectly reasonable to assume he would bear some resemblance to YOUR Dad. I'll assume this Grandmother is/was their mother........? There again, understandable.......

As far as you accepting it, you have found your way here, so read up, and get your head wrapped around it HERE. That's why this site is here, after all......

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