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Wanderlust: Need Advice/I'm Going go seduce my cousin

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About four months ago I moved to La for a few months and started staying with my aunt, uncle, and three cousins. Everything was amazing and like usual. Except I was extremely depressed and my cousin Si brought me out of it. We became the best of friends, having so much in common and being practically inseparable. I had always thought he was the best looking, greatest guy ever, but obviously would have never done anything about it. Until one night everyone was watching a movie and was sitting on the couch in the living room with a bunch of blankets.. he sat next to me like normal. I was kind of up against him but not being sexual and then I felt him touch my hand and eventually grab it. We didn't talk about it that night and I went to bed. The next night I was laying on his bed talking to one of his friends at like 3 am and he came in and lay down next to me. He started touching my back and was holding my hand and being like outwardly sexual. Not just cute cousins holding hands situation anymore.

Then it all stopped for about five days and he went to work. He acted like nothing ever happened but we were still hanging out whenever possible. Everything changed when one night they had a party, and everyone got extremely drunk and actually passed out. Me and Silas were the last ones awake when we ended up on the balcony together, all alone. Si told me that he has always had feelings for me and begged me to kiss him, so obviously I did and it was the greatest kiss ever. He told me all of this stuff about how he has had feelings for me years ago when we were kids living out my mental fantasies. We then left the balcony and went in the hallway and made out. A lot. And it was amazing. Then two days before I went home we made out in the back of a car. Then I went home... well... madly in love with him.

I am going back to La to live with them again, and I haven't seen him in 2 months. I can't stop thinking about him, honestly he is the only guy I want. (I am 17 and he is 18) He currently has a girlfriend back in Texas who he says he is in love with. (he says that about every girl he dates then dumps them) What should I do? Be just his cousin or go for it?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! forgot to include the problem (lol) Every time we did anything he was either high or drunk, and after every night he claims that he 'blacked out and doesn't remember a thing' and we never discussed it sober. I know he remembers it and I don't know why he does that but he does.


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This is one of the many letters I will never send.. written about my cousin. :)

"Your lying if you say you've never loved anything to the point of pain"

Hey S,

So I haven't been completely honest with you.

The night that I left you I did not sleep, I lay awake for that last hour staring at the ceiling, feeling absolutely nothing. Then I crawled out of bed, and woke you up. All you saw was a hug and an "I love you see you soon." with a silent slip out the door at four in the morning. But you broke me, in the worst way possible.

Just a few hours before that you decided that at one in the morning, I needed to learn how to long board. So all night, up and down the parking garage you made me learn and maybe if you hadn't done that I would be okay. You see S, that was the night I realized that I was in fact, in love with you.

My happiness was invested in you, because you we're the one who somehow convinced me that I was not in fact a royal fuck-up. Without really saying anything you showed me that I was worthy of being happy, just by you being you. That's why I broke down crying in the middle of a parking garage, you of course never saw that because all I care about is what you think of me. I acted weird that night I know, that was because I wanted nothing more than to tell you how I felt about you, and flat out tell you how much I love you. Unfortunately, after trying and trying there are no words for how I feel. It cannot be explained, words do it no justice. Honestly though, even if I could have somehow explained how you made me okay again there was no way I could have gotten the words out without bursting into tears. So I simply told you how maybe in a few months I could some back and acted as you would say 'Chill as Fuck Tho'.

So I hugged you and left. But what you didn't see was after I shut the door and I fell against the wall and cried.

Oh and I also cried the entire bus ride to the airport, and the entire plane ride home. Without stopping. It was like the worst panic attack ever, I have never felt that kind of deep terrifying pain before in my life and haven't since. My chest physically hurt because I couldn't breathe. The entire ride home I cried, and when I did get home I continued to cry. Then I proceeded to grab a blanket wrap myself in it and fucking leave. Just walk down the street because walk down the street.

My parents followed me screaming shit I didn't hear or care about and then I laid down on the ground and decided to take a nap. Because I am one psycho bitch.

My one regret is not telling you how I really felt about you, and how much I honestly appreciate everything you did for me. You can break my heart any day you want, I mean you are the one who spent so many days gluing the thing back together.

PS. Yeah, I'm good.

                                                Yours Always,

                                                              Psycho Rach

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Ok so you probably aren't going to like what I say but you asked for advice and I will give my take on

your situation.

You are both very young. If you really and truely want something to develop

between you and your cousin then seducing him IS NOT the way  to do it.

You said that he tends to "forget" any thing that happens between you two,

and that he is always "drunk or high" when these situations happen?

Do you for a  second think that is the truth, the forgetting part?

He has a girlfriend in Texas that he "loves', yet he is "messing" with you and your mind?

You said he tells his girlfriends he loves them then dumps them?

Really and you think he won't do the same to you.  At this point I think

he is only using and teasing you. He doesn't care that you have feelings for him.

Maybe he doesn't even realize it or doesn't care or really feel the same.

If you really want something to develop, then try growing up first, I know that sounds wrong,

but what I mean is  mature.  Develop a solid friendship and really become friends first. Do things together that don't

involve alcohol, getting high or sex.  That is

the basis for a good long term relationship.  Young people today think that sex is the way to win the object of their desires.  .

Bottom line that I feel here is, seducing him will only lower you in his eyes in the long run.

Just another notch in his belt. You are way better than this.  Don't lower yourself. If he doesn't turn

out to be the one, then you haven't been just one of his "conquests".

Someone may come along with a different perspective.  Take what  works for you and discard the rest.

Best wishes.

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ahhh, the pain and excitement and joy and sorrow and all those mixed emotions of youth! sometimes i miss that time in my life. and sometimes i'm so darn glad that i'm past that LOL.

ok, i noticed in one of your posts, you had signed a note to your cousin as psycho rach. wanderlust is a little long for typing, so would it be ok if i just called you rach for short? i suppose i could call you psycho, but i think you should elevate yourself above such a descriptive term.

let me start by saying that it's not necessary to repeat a post in multiple places. we're a fairly small group here... people tend to come and go as their relationship statuses change. so i think i'm going to clean things up a bit and merge one copy of your other posts into this one and delete the duplicates.

now, let me get into my "mom-mode". a lot of people hate when i get in mom-mode because i don't always say what they want to hear. so hopefully you'll hear what i'm saying without getting too upset. 

you've stated that your cousin only acknowledges your romantic interludes when he's drunk or high. when he's sober he pretends nothing ever happened to you. you said he also says he's in love with his girlfriend in texas. rach, i'm not going to tell you this guy is a jerk, although his actions do kinda indicate that. what i'm more convinced of is simply that he's young and carefree and is not in ANY way ready to settle down with anyone.

and neither are you. no matter how much love you feel for him. the more you feel right now at this age, the more he's going to break your heart. at 17 and 18 years old, you two are just still in the early years of navigating all those confusing emotions and hormones. and getting sexually involved at this age isn't going to clear up those confusions, it's going to make them even more confusing than ever. it's also going to set you up for even deeper heartache.

if you want to win his body into bed, then you go right ahead and seduce him, boobs bouncing and everything. you'll get used up real quick that way. and i mean that in the least nice way it can sound. you will get used up, because you'll be flaunting yourself like someone who isn't worth keeping.

but if you want to win his heart for the long run, keep your boobs in their proper place and build a strong, solid foundation of friendship. trust me on this... girls who flaunt everything they have with the intention of seducing a guy are a dime a dozen. are you that cheap? think about that for a minute. a dime a dozen. that means if you become one of those, you're worth 8 cents. even a street whore is worth more than that. i know that sounds harsh, but it is the reality of it.

when a woman keeps some things covered up, it leaves more to a man's imagination, and is by and far more appealing and more sexy. it also tells the guy she's interested in that she has more self esteem and values herself more than all the other girls. that's also more appealing. that's the kind of thing a guy wants for the long term. he can get his rocks off with any other floozy, but he's not going to settle down with any of them.

so this is really up to you. i've given you food for thought, and i hope you'll chew on it for awhile. you're a beautiful young woman, if that's your photo in your avatar. treat yourself as such, and you'll avoid being treated like yesterday's garbage by others.

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ok i'm going to try this again. have you ever typed on a laptop and the curser jumps and suddenly you're typing somewhere else, or worse yet, accidentally hit the back button on the browser? yeah. i've typed this twice and lost it twice.

so the answer to that question depends on what exactly he starts with you, and what you want to inevitably get from this relationship. if he wants to get sexual, do you want him to see you as an easy piece of ass? or as a lovely young woman that deserves to be treated like a lady? do you want to be a conquest? or do you want him to start thinking "wow, i'd like to marry a girl like her someday"? (not just any girl, but you!)

i know that when you're 17, it's not just the guy with raging hormones and emotions... and saying no is going to be the most difficult challenge you've ever yet had to face. but how you meet that challenge is going to affect you for the rest of you entire life.

i'm going to leave it at that before i lose this again.

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Romalee and LadyC have given you some good advice.  My daughters are both only slightly older than you (18 and 20), so what you are expressing is not unforeign to my ears...

You, my dearest, are setting yourself up to be very, very hurt. 

For some guys (not all, but enough), the conquest is all that matters.  You are worthy of more than being a conquest.  Sometimes when we are young (and even when we are older), a little attention from a guy sends our emotions into a tailspin.  That is where you are - in a tailspin. 

You should NEVER just go along with whatever a guy starts - that's where regrets are born.  You are a young woman who can decide for yourself how you want to be treated.  Do you want to just be used by a guy for his own purposes?  Make him work for your affections!!  He's 18 and it doesn't sound like he's ready to commit to any one person yet.  Are you OK with that?

When you see him again, do not put yourself in a situation where you are alone with him; especially if he's been drinking or getting high.  YOU have to set the boundaries.

In the meantime, find something to occupy your mind and time:  study extra hard (can you say ACT?), get involved with the school play, join a club, volunteer, take a yoga class, read all of the books by one author, get a job.....you get the idea.  If you are involved in making yourself better, you will have no time to worry about a guy who, by all appearances, isn't really into you.

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Wanderlust, you wrote:

"Okay so should I just go along with whatever he starts or what should I do? I see him Tuesday and I know he is going to try something..."

Serendipity gave you good advce.  You control what you do with yourself.  If he tries to start something and you don't want

to go there, NO is a good place to start. You have the right to say that and not have to defend yourself.  If he gets mad or continues

to try to get you to do something you are against, that should give you an idea of what his motives are. 

Best wishes.

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