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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Siamak

I am looking for advice

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I have a first cousin named Rita, who lives in France. I love her very much. When I was 28 I wanted to marry her, but I was afraid of birth defects (her mother, who is the sister of my mother, is insane). But today, I am 50, and I have decided that I should not have children. She is married and has an 11 year old daughter (she will be 47 soon). I have met 3 psychics, all of who have told me that she is not happy with her marriage, and that she is only pretending happiness. I wonder if I should tell her that I love her.  We had to leave our country of birth in 1979, when she was 12, and I was 15.  Till that year we grew up together.  During the subsequent 20 years, I saw her in 1983 in New York, 1991 in France, and 1997 in France, when she got married.  I saw her again this year around the end of June for few hours on my way from Nice to Spain.  Unfortunately, she had brought her mother with her, which made it impossible for me to talk to her intimately.  But when we kissed on the cheeks, I felt that she enjoyed it as much as I did.  Whether or not this is wishful thinking on my part, I don't know.  When I talked with the three psychics, they were shockingly accurate about certain aspects of her life that I had not mentioned to them.  This is specially true for the third one.  Without me mentioning it, she sensed that Rita's mother is insane.  But she couldn't tell whether Rita loves me or not.  Perhaps this is a sign that she has mixed feelings about me.  It is not characteristic of me to seek psychics' advice, but the details that the third psychic said about Rita's life has given me some hope that Rita has some feelings for me.  I do realize that marrying a woman who has a child from her first marriage could bring with it some problems, but I am hopeful that I can handle it if I marry Rita. 

I welcome any advice.  Thank you for taking the time to read this.

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You've only met with psychics and not with your cousin?  Or you have also spent time with your cousin?  I would not make this decision based upon what any psychic tells you (my  2 cents worth of opinion there).

Either way, she is married and off limits.  If you have not spent time with her, you have no idea if she is happy or not.  Leaving a marriage for you is a very big risk in any circumstance.  You don't want somebody who is still reeling from the pain of a divorce to jump into a relationship with you, do you?

And if you have decided that you do not want children, is she a good fit for you since she and her daughter are a package deal?

There is simply too many obstacles in your way.  Say nothing to her. 

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I agree with Serendipity. You shouldn't interfere with her marriage and you shouldn't complicate her life by telling her your feelings. If she makes the first move, then that might be a different matter. The opinions of psychics that she is unhappy in her marriage is hardly evidence that that is so.

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Thank you very much for your advices and opinions.  They have been very helpful.  Now I realize that it will be for the best to refrain from telling her anything.  I will try to come in terms with the fact that Rita and I were not meant to be with each other.

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Hi all I have been put in the same situation and maybe looking for a bit of advise or maybe I'm just giving it.

My 2nd cousin got hold of me on facebook after 10 years and soon all other cousins did too, the one girl 2nd cousin (Call her G) showed more of an interest on facebook and we had been in contact for two weeks when we all decided to meet and have a cousins re-union the other day. Lets say everyone got on really well and yes the inevitable my 2nd cousin 'G' got on with me the most, stood close to me, shared same interests, laughed at everything, touchy touchy, drank beer for beer with me but was there anything there more than cousins.... who knows. I have had many girlfriends and do realize a flirt or flirting but never with a cousin. 0430 in the morning came and everyone else had gone to bed, I was due to sleep on the sofa, my second cousin 'G' and I spoke for an hour and clicked. Off to the sofa I went, she came in and asked if I was warm, so so I replied, she got me a blanket and sat down on the sofa in the dark and started to tickle and mess about, her face coming closer and closer, do I go for it was in my head, yes we had a few beers but were only tipsy and not drunk. She then left the room and within a few minutes ran back in and dived on top of me and started tickling again, I ended up going to kiss her and she done the same, soon her top was off abd her rubbing up and down against me but thats as far as it got, she said its wrong but still carried on, after we just sat and spoke and went to bed. Next morning we got up and everyone was there and we just kissed and said see you soon. We had constant txting yesterday but she said it was a mistake and could never happen again we are cousins. I really like her but my confusion is major and after all thats happened I think she likes me. We are due to go out later this week as cousins. To all the previous posts I would say go for it but I'm in two minds what I should do, I feel I have to tell her exactly how I feel but we are so alike and I do not want to loose what we have now but I think we could have more??? Any ideas would be appreciated!!! thanks.

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